/ 


fating  Cheaters 


!AX  MARQN 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  St^  New  York 


MRS.  PARTRIDGE  PRESENTS 

Comedy  in  3  acts.  By  Mary  Kennedy  and  Euth  Haw- 
thorne. 6  males,  6  females.  Modern  costumes.  2  interiors. 
Plays  2y2  hours. 

The  characters,  scenes  and  situations  are  thoroughly  up-to- 
date  in  this  altogether  delightful  American  comedy.  The  heroins 
is  a  woman  of  tremendous  energy,  M'ho  manages  a  business — as 
she  manages  everything — with  great  success,  and  at  homo  i^re- 
Bides  over  the  destinies  of  a  growing  son  and  daughter.  Her 
Btruggle  to  give  the  children  the  opportunities  she  herself  had 
missed,  and  the  children's  ultimate  revolt  against  her  well-meant 
management — ^that  is  the  basis  of  the  plot.  The  son  who  is  cast 
for  the  part  of  artist  and  the  daughter  who  is  to  go  on  the  stage 
offer  numerous  opportunities  for  the  development  of  the  comio 
possibilities  in  the  theme. 

The  play  is  one  of  the  most  delightful,  yet  thought-provoking 
American  comedies  of  recent  years,  and  is  warmly  recommended 
to  all  amateur  groups.     (Boyalty  on  application.)     Price,  75  Cents. 


IN  THE   NEXT  ROOM 

Melodrama  in  3  acts.  By  Eleanor  Eobson  and  Harriet 
Pord.  8  males,  3  females.  2  interiors.  Modern  costumes. 
Plays  2^  hours. 

"Philip  Vantine  has  bought  a  rare  copy  of  an  original  Boul9 
cabinet  and  ordered  it  shipped  to  his  New  York  home  from  Paris. 
■When  it  arrives  it  is  found  to  be  the  original  itself,  the  pos- 
eession  of  which  is  desired  by  many  strange  people.  Before  th« 
mystery  concerned  with  the  cabinet's  shipment  can  be  cleared 
up,  two  persons  meet  mysterious  death  fooling  with  it  and  the 
happiness  of  many  otherwise  happy  actors  is  thre.atened"  (Burns 
Ifantle).  A  first-rate  mystery  play,  comprising  all  the  elements 
of  suspense,  curiosity,  comedy  and  drama.  "In  the  Next  Room'* 
is  quite  easy  to  stage.  It  can  be  unreservedly  recommended  to 
bigh     schools    and     colleges,       (Eoyalty,     twenty-five     dollars.) 

Price,  75  Cents. 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  Qty 
Our  New  Descriptive  Catalogue  Sent  Free  on  Request 


Cheating  Cheaters 

A  COMIC  MELODRAMA  IN  FOUR  ACTS 

BY 

MAX    MARGIN 


G)pyiaGHT,  1916,  BY  Max  Margin 


All   Rights    Reserved 

CAUTION:  Professionals  and  amateurs  are  hereby  warned  that 
"CHEATING  CHEATERS,"  being  fully  protected  under  the  copy- 
right laws  of  the  United  States  of  America,  the  British  Empire- 
including  the  Dominion  of  Canada,  and  the  other  countries  of 
the  Copyright  Union,  is  subject  to  a  royalty,  and  anyone  pre- 
senting the  play  without  the  consent  of  the  owners  or  their 
authorized  agents  will  be  liable  to  the  penalties  by  law  provided. 
Applications  for  the  acting  rights  must  be  made  to  Samuel 
French,  at  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  City,  or  at  811  West 
7th   Street,   Los   Angeles,    Calif. 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  Inc. 

25  West  45th  Street,  New  York,  N.  Y. 

811  West  7th  Street^  Los  Angeles,  Calif. 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  Ltd. 

26  Southampton  Street,  Strand,  W.C.2,  London 


'CHEATING  CHEATERS' 
ALL  RIGHTS  RESERVED 


Especial  notice  should  be  taken  that  the  possession  of  this 
book  without  a  valid  contract  for  production  first  having 
been  obtained  from  the  publisher  confers  no  right  or  license 
to  professionals  or  amateurs  to  produce  the  play  publicly  or 
in  private  for  gain  or  charity. 

In  its  present  form  this  play  is  dedicated  to  the  reading 
public  only,  and  no  performance,  representation,  production, 
recitation,  public  reading  or  radio  broadcasting  may  be  given 
except  by  special  arrangement  with  Samuel  French,  at  25 
West  45th  Street,  New  York  City,  or  at  811  West  7th  Street, 
Los  Angeles,  Calif. 

This  play  may  be  presented  by  amateurs  upon  payment  of 
a  royalty  of  Twenty-Five  Dollars  for  each  performance,  pay- 
able to  Samuel  French,  at  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York, 
or  at  811  West  7th  Street,  Los  Angeles,  Calif.,  one  week 
before  the  date  when  the  play  is  given. 

Whenever  the  play  is  produced  the  following  notice  must 
appear  on  all  programs,  printing  and  advertising  for  the 
play :  "Produced  by  special  arrangement  with  Samuel  French." 

Attention  is  called  to  the  penalty  provided  by  law  for  any 
infringement  of  the  author's  rights,  as  follows: 

"Section  4966: — Any  person  publicly  performing  or  repre- 
senting any  dramatic  or  musical  composition  for  which  copy- 
right has  been  obtained,  without  the  consent  of  the  proprietor 
of  said  dramatic  or  musical  composition,  or  his  heirs  and 
assigns,  shall  be  liable  for  damages  thereof,  such  damages  in 
all  cases  to  be  assessed  at  such  sum,  not  less  than  one  hun- 
dred dollars  for  the  first  and  fifty  dollars  for  every  subse- 
quent performance,  as  to  the  court  shall  appear  to  be  just. 
If  the  unlawful  performance  and  representation  be  wilful  and 
for  profit,  such  person  or  persons  shall  be  guilty  of  a  mis- 
demeanor, and  upon  conviction  shall  be  imprisoned  for  a 
period  not  exceeding  one  year." — U.  S.  Revised  Statutes : 
Title  60,  Chap.  3. 


The  following  is  a  copy  of  program  of  the  first  performance 
of  "CHEATING  CHEATERS,"  as  presented  at  the  Eltinge 
Theatre,  New  York: 

A.  H.  WOODS 

Presents 

"CHEATING   CHEATERS" 

A  Comic  Melodrama  in  Four  Acts 

By  MAX  MARGIN 

Staged  by  Franklyn  Underwood 

CAST  OF  CHARACTERS 

Steve  Wilson  Robert  McWade 

Antonio  Verdi Edouard  Durand 

George  Brockton William  Morris 

Mrs.  Brockton  Anne  Sutherland 

Nan  Carey,  alias  Ruth  Brockton  .  Marjorie  Rambeau 

Ira  Lazarre Frank  Monroe 

Mrs.  Palmer Winifred  Harris 

Grace  Palmer Gypsy  O'Brien 

Tom  Palmer  Cyril  Keightley 

Edward  Palmer Arthur  Barry 

Phil  Preston   William  J.  Phinney 

Myron  T.  Hanley Fletcher  Harvey 

Holmes William  Riley  Hatch 

Act  I.   The  Home  of  George  Brockton. 

Act  II.   The  Palmer  Home,  five  miles  distant. 

Act  III.  Same  as  Act  I. 

Act  IV.   Office  of  the  National  Detective  Agency. 

The  action  takes  place  in  the  month  of  September  in 
one  of  the  suburbs  of  New  York. 


DESCRIPTION  OF  CHARACTERS 

Steve  Wilson  :   A  rough-looking,  hard-faced  man. 

Antonio  Verdi,  alias  Tony  the  Wop:  Dressed 
to  suggest  an  Italian  music  teacher.  Speaks 
with  an  Italian  accent  throughout  the  play. 

George  Brockton  :  About  fifty  years  old,  alert  and 
vigorous  despite  his  grey  hair. 

Mrs.  Brockton  :  A  large,  fleshy  wotnan,  bleached 
blonde  hair. 

Nan  Carey,  alias  Ruth  Brockton  :  She  is  young, 
handsome,  graceful  and  becomingly  gowned. 

Ira  Lazarre:  He  is  a  tall  thin  man,  slightly  bald, 
of  a  very  nervous  nature  and  speaks  in  a  thin 
piping  voice  that  is  almost  a  whine. 

Mrs.  Palmer:   An  elderly  woman. 

Grace  Palmer:  A  girl  about  Ruth's  age. 

Tom  Palmer  :   A  clean-cut  man,  about  thirty. 

Edward  Palmer:  A  distinguished-looking  gentle- 
man of  about  fifty. 

Phil:  He  is  a  stockily  built  man  of  about  forty, 
dressed  as  a  butler. 

Mr.  Hanley:  A  very  distinguished  man,  whose 
grey,  pointed  beard  lends  impressiveness  to  his 
appearance.  He  is  dressed  in  correct  after- 
noon attire,  a  black  cutaway  coat,  black  vest, 
striped  trousers  sharply  creased  and  black 
patent  leather  shoes. 

Holmes  :  A  powerfully  built  plain-clothes  officer. 


Cheating  Cheaters 


ACT  ONE 

Scene:  A  spacious  room,  tastefully  furnished,  but 
giving  evidence  of  lack  of  care,  and  indifference 
on  the  part  of  the  occupants.  The  Upper  Right 
hand  wall  is  cut  off  transversely,  making  a 
broad  doorway  R.C.,  approached  by  two  wide 
steps.  Through  the  parted  curtains  overhang- 
ing this  doorway,  a  glimpse  is  obtained  of  a 
large  conservatory  with  shrubs  and  plants.  A 
door  L.2  leads  into  a  hallway.  Large  practical 
window  with  seat,  curtain  and  shades  at  back 
Centre.  Doors  at  r.i  and  l.i. 

On  a  small  stand  against  wall  up  r.  at  foot 
of  step  an  antique  lamp  with  trap  opening  into 
bowl,  snaking  a  convenient  hiding  place  for  the 
jewels.  Standing  between  the  window  and  door 
L.2,  a  baby  grand  piano.  Down  l.c.  o  large 
settee  with  sofa  pillows.  Small  chair  stands  a 
little  to  R.  of  settee.  Down  R.C.  a  large  round 
table  with  small  chair  at  L.  and  one  at  back.  At 
R.  of  taple,  large  anncliair.  Small  chair  stands 
above  door  down  r. 

At  rise  of  curtain,  the  room  is  untidy.  Books 
are  strewn  on  table  and  piano.  "Police  Gazette," 
torn  apart,  lies  scattered  on  floor  do-wn  r.  in 
front  of  armchair.    Cushion  against  piano  leg. 

Steve  Wilson,  a  rough-looking,  hard-faced 
5 


(5  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

man  in  his  shirt-sleeves  and  without  collar  or 
necktie,  is  sitting  on  window-seat,  nervously 
puffing  a  cigar,  as  he  cautiously  peers  through 
the  mndow.  A  pistol  is  seen  protruding  from 
his  hip  pocket. 

Antonio  Verdi,  alias  Tony  the  Wop,  is 
seated  hack  of  table  down  r.,  finishing  a  game 
of  solitaire.  He  has  three  cards  in  his  hand  as 
the  Curtain  rises,  which  he  places  on  the  table 
one  after  the  other;  then  with  an  expression  of 
disgust  at  not  beating  the  game,  rises  and 
crosses  l.  in  front  of  settee.  Tony  is  dressed 
to  suggest  an  Italian  music  teacher;  speaks  with 
an  Italian  accent  throughout  the  play.  As  Tony 
starts  L.,  George  Brockton  appears  in  r.c. 
doorway.  He  is  about  fifty  years  old,  alert  and 
vigorous  despite  his  grey  hair.  He  is  comfort- 
ably dressed  in  an  old  grey  sweater,  and  his 
eyes  are  hidden  behind  a  pair  of  old-fashioned 
metal-rimmed  glasses.  He  is  smoking  a  pipe 
and  has  a  hook  in  his  hand. 

Brockton,  (Taking  pipe  from  mouth,  crosses  to 
R.  of  table  R.j    Tony,  isn't  Nan  back  yet? 

Verdi.  No,  not  yet.  (Sits  on  settee;  picks  up 
Italian  paper;  starts  to  read.) 

Brockton.  (Seeing  Wilson  peering  out  of  win- 
dow) Hold  on  there,  Steve.  Why  don't  you  throw- 
open  the  window  and  poke  your  head  out  ?  Some- 
body will  be  sure  to  see  you  then. 

Wilson.  (Turning  around,  moves  to  c.)  Hm — no 
bull  would  expect  to  find  me  in  a  swell  joint  like 
this. 

Brockton.  (Sitting  in  chair  r.  of  table)  Ob- 
viously not,  but  the  unexpected  is  the  chief  danger 
of  our  work. 

Tony.    (Looking  at  Wilson,  and  snapping  finger 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  7 

at  him)  Yes,  one  mistake— one  leetle  slip-up — and 
we  are  lost. 

Wilson.  (Coming  down  l.c.  impatiently;  crosses 
to  end  of  settee)  Well,  I'm  sick  of  being  cooped  up 
here! 

Verdi.  (Leaning  toward  him)  Half  a  million 
dollars'  worth  of  jewels  is  a  prize  worth  waiting 
for. 

Wilson.  (To  Verdi;  That's  all  right!  But 
when  I  go  after  a  guy's  rocks  I  take  a  jimmy  and  a 
gun.  (Turning  to  Brockton,  sarcastically)  I  don't 
rent  no  swell  house  in  the  country  and  give  a  tea 
party  for  his  family.  Those  ain't  my  methods. 
(Crosses  to  c.) 

Brockton.  (Rising  and  coming  r.c.  ;  ''advisedly") 
Let  me  tell  you  something :  You  keep  on  with  those 
methods  and  it  won't  be  long  before  you're  caught. 
(Crosses  r.  in  front  of  table.) 

Wilson.  Me  get  caught?  Not  a  chance!  (Draws 
gun  quickly;  swings  around,  covering  first  one,  then 
the  other)    They'll  have  a  lively  time  getting  me! 

Brockton.    (Drawing  back)  Stop  that! 

Verdi.  (Still  on  settee,  makes  a  quick  movement 
to  get  out  of  range  of  pistol)  Hey,  hey,  stop  that ! 
You're  absolutely  crazy  with  recklessness. 

Wilson.  Look  at  the  Ginny  hop. 

Brockton.  If  you're  so  fond  of  showing  that 
gun,  why  don't  you  hang  it  around  your  neck? 
(Calmly  sitting  r.  of  table.) 

Verdi.  (Still  excited)  And  go  out  in  the  street 
shouting  what  a  desperate  character  you  are! 
(Wipes  face  with  kerchief.) 

(Mrs.  Brockton,  a  large,  fleshy  woman,  wearing 
a  faded  house  wrapper,  enters  r.c.  Her 
bleached  blonde  hair,  falling  in  disarray  down 
her  shoulders,  adds  to  the  general  untidyness 
of  her  appearance.) 


8  •     CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (In  doorway)  Say!  Has  he 
got  that  cannon  out  again? 

Wilson.  (Turning  toward  her,  moving  up  r.c.J 
Yes,  and  when  this  dog  barks  he  not  only  shows  his 
teeth  but  he  bites.   (Puts  gun  back  in  pocket;  moves 

up  L.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Coming  down  l.c.^  Where's 
Nan?    Ain't  she  come  home  yet? 

Wilson.  (Coming  to  her)  No,  and  I  ain't  stuck 
on  these  long  walks  she's  taking  alone  every  davi 
either.    (Walks  up  r.c.  j 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Crosses  to  c.)  Well,  if  I'd 
never  been  mugged  for  the  gallery  and  wasn't  in 
danger  of  being  picked  up  every  time  I  set  my  foot 
outdoors,  I'd  be  getting  a  little  exercise  myself. 
(Crosses  to  chair  l.  of  table;  stands  back  of  it.) 

Wilson.  (Conies  down  back  of  table)  Listen! 
Before  Nan  gets  back  there's  something  I  want  to 
get  off  my  chest. 

Brockton.  (Looking  up  from  book  he  has  been 
reading)  Well,  get  it  off! 

Wilson.  If  the  Palmers  are  coming  here  to  tea 
this  afternoon,  now's  the  time  to  speak  up.  (Very 
impressively)  I  don't  believe  Nan  is  going  through 
for  us!    (All  look  at  Wilson  in  surprise.) 

Brockton.    What? 

Verdi.  (Rising,  crosses  up  to  piano)  Nan  throw 
us  down — oh,  nonsense! 

Wilson.  (With  shrug  of  shoulders)  Maybe  not, 
but  I've  got  a  hunch  she's  stalling  us. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Looking  at  Wilson.  Sits  l. 
of  table)    Stalling  us? 

Wilson.  Yes.  Her  fingers  may  be  itching  for 
those  Palmer  stones,  but  her  heart  ain't  in  the  job. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Sarcastically)  What's  her 
heart  got  to  do  with  it? 

Wilson.  The  dame  don't  live  that  won't  fall  for 


ACT  I  CHEATING    CHEATERS  9 

the  right  guy.  And  the  right  man  has  come  along 
for  Nan. 

Brockton.  (Turning  to  him)  You  mean — Tom 
Palmer? 

Wilson.  (Forcibly)  That's  who  I  mean — ^Tom 
Palmer.  Now,  we've  staked  everything  on  this  job. 
We're  in  hock  to  Lazarre  for  the  coin  to  plant  our- 
selves in  this  house  and  it  cost  a  couple  of  thousand 
more  to  send  Nan  and  George  to  Europe 

Brockton.  (Angrily)  Say,  are  you  still  under 
the  delusion  that  it  was  a  pleasure  jaunt?  Huh! 
Less  than  a  fortnight  on  the  other  side  and  the  war 
breaks  out !  (  Verdi  crosses  to  chair  r.  of  settee  and 
sits.)  And  after  we  manage  to  squeeze  on  board  a 
ship  for  home,  the  confounded  ship  strikes  a  mine 
—oh,  it  was  a  lovely  excursion! 

Wilson.  (Emphatically)  That's  the  point  I'm 
leading  up  to.  When  that  ocean  buggy  hit  that  mine 
and  she  saw  the  man  she  started  out  to  trim  stand- 
ing on  that  sinking  ship,  lifting  the  women  and 
children  into  the  lifeboats.  Well,  she  stopped  look- 
ing on  him  as  a  fall  guy — ^he  became  her  hero ! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Turns  away,  waving  her  hand) 
Oh,  pshaw! 

Wilson.  (Excitedly  leaning  across  table)  If  you 
think  I'm  wrong,  why  has  she  been  playing  around 
with  him  all  this  time?  Why? 

Brockton.  (Turning  to  him)  She's  leading  him 
on. 

Wilson.  Leading  him  on?  (Moves  up  R.C.  a  few 
steps.) 

Brockton.  Yes,  leading  him  on.  Can't  you  get 
that  through  that  mushhead  of  yours? 

Wilson.  (Coming  down  c.)  It  looks  to  me  like 
she  was  hanging  on.  And  when  a  girl  is  in  love 
with  a  guy  and  wants  to  hang  onto  him,  she  puts 
her  hand  on  his  shoulder,  not  in  his  pocket. 

Mrs.  Brockton.   Pshaw !   Many  a  dame  has  put 


10  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

one  hand  on  a  man's  shoulder  while  lifting  his  watch 
with  the  other. 

Wilson.  (Still  c.)  Let  me  put  you  wise  to 
something!  When  Lazarre  sent  for  me  five 
months  ago,  he  says,  "Steve,  there's  a  high-class 
mob  planted  on  a  job  in  the  suburbs,  and  they  want 
an  expert  safe  man.  They're  framing  it  to  get  on 
the  inside,  and  they  want  you  to  blow  the  safe."  I 
told  him  I  never  worked  with  no  high-class  mob 
before,  but  half  a  million's  worth  of  sparklers 
listened  good  to  me,  so  I  traveled  along.  (Pauses; 
looks  them  all  over.  Crosses  back  of  r.  table)  But 
I  want  to  declare  myself  right  now!  I  hope  I'm 
wrong  about  Nan 

Brockton.   You  bet  you  are. 

Wilson.  (Threateningly)  But  either  way,  I'm 
going  through  with  this  job  and  I'm  going  to  make 
sure  that  all  of  you  go  through  with  me.  (Looks 
searchingly  at  each  one,  finishing  with  Brockton^ 
Including  Nan! 

Brockton.  (Alarmed  at  his  attitude)  What  do 
you  mean? 

Wilson.  This  job  is  going  to  be  pulled  off, 
whether  Nan  wants  it  or  not,  and  if  she  makes  one 

false  move  before  them  Palmers (Door  SLAM 

off  L.2.; 

Mrs.  Brockton.   Here's  Nan  now. 

Wilson.  Ssh!  Here  she  is! 

Verdi.  (Goes  quickly  to  U2  door;  looks  into  hall; 
closes  door)    Yes (Crosses  to  back  of  settee.) 

Wilson.  (Warningly)  Not  a  word  to  her !  Let's 
see  what  happens  this  afternoon.  (Goes  up  R.) 

(Nan  Carey,  alias  Ruth  Brockton,  enters  at  l.2; 
she  is  young,  handsome,  graceful  and  becom- 
ingly gowned;  her  arms  are  loaded  down  with 
a  pile  of  freshly  cut  flowers.) 


ACTi  CHEATING    CHEATERS  ii 

Ruth.  Hello,  everybody!  (Brockton  one?  Verdi 
acknowledge  greeting.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Hello,  Nan!  What  are  you 
made  up  for? 

Ruth,  (Coming  down  L.c.j  For  your  nineteen- 
year-old  daughter,  of  course. 

Mrs.  Brockton.   You  can't  pull  that  on  us,  Nan. 

Ruth.  And  for  pity's  sake,  don't  call  me  Nan. 
From  now  on,  I'm  Ruth — Ruth  Brockton,  George's 
daughter — the  same  as  on  the  boat.  (Crosses  and 
lays  flowers  on  the  piano)  Wouldn't  it  be  lovely  if 
the  Palmers  on  their  first  visit  heard  one  of  you  call 
me  'i^ldt.nl  (Crosses  down  R.  of  chair  r.  of  settee) 
And  from  now  on  you're  supposed  to  be  my 
mother!   Now,  don't  forget  that,  Nellie. 

Mrs.  Brockton.   Yes,  Ruth. 

Ruth.  And  now,  help  me  get  this  room  into 
shape. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Rises,  picks  up  cards  around 
table,  puts  them  on  table,  and  crosses  to  piano)  It 
certainly  needs  it. 

Verdi.  (Arranges  pillows  on  settee.  To  Brock- 
ton^ George,  pick  up  those  papers!  (Brockton 
picks  up  Police  Gazette  and  puts  it  under  cushion 
of  armchair.)  Steve,  put  those  flowers  in  that  vase. 
(Indicating  vase  on  steps  r.c.  Steve  takes  vase  to 
piano  and  arranges  flowers.  Ruth  turns  and  sees 
pipe  in  Brockton's  mouth.  Crosses  to  l.  of  table) 
George,  for  heaven's  sake,  put  away  that  pipe, 

Brockton,  ^r.  of  table.  Puts  pipe  down  in  ash 
tray)    All  right,  Nan! 

Ruth.  There  you  go.  Nan,  again!  And  there's 
no  excuse  for  you,  George,  after  having  been  my 
father  all  the  way  to  Europe  and  back. 

Brockton.    I'll  rememer,  Ruth! 

Ruth.  (Takes  a  quiet  survey  of  room,  which  has 
taken  on  a  brighter  and  more  cheerful  aspect. 
Crosses  to  c.)    There — ^that's  better!    Now,  boys. 


12  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

come  here!  (All  gather  around  her — Ruth  c. — 
Brockton  r. — Wilson  l. — Mrs.  Brockton  in  back 
of  settee;  Verdi  front  of  it.)  Now,  don't  forget 
this,  whether  we  get  those  Palmer  jewels  or  not 
depends  upon  our  cleverness  this  afternoon.  All  I 
want  is  one  night  in  the  Palmer  home,  and  the  way 
we  have  it  framed,  I  ought  to  get  the  invitation  be- 
fore they  leave.  Do  you  all  know  what  to  do  when 
they  get  there  ?  (Crosses  to  piano,  fixes  flowers  in 
vase,  picks  up  cushion,  putting  it  in  windozv  seat. 
All  imply  they  know  what  to  do.)  Don't  you  think 
we  had  better  go  over  it  again? 

Brockton.  (Crosses  below  table;  sits  r.  of  it) 
You  needn't  go  through  it  again  for  my  sake. 

Verdi.    (Crosses  down  L.j    Nor  for  mine. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Crosses  down  l.c.  Standing 
R.  of  chair  r.  of  settee)  I  always  was  a  lady  before 
company. 

Wilson.  (Standing  down  i^c.)  Ha!  (Ruth 
crosses  to  table  r.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.   What's  the  matter  with  you? 

Wilson.  (Laughing)  Imagine  Nell  serving  tea 
to  the  Palmer? — ha! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Angrily)  Ha!  Are  you  afraid 
I'm  to  make  a  break?  (Proudly)  I'll  have  you 
know  I've  been  hostess  at  many  a  tea  party.  (Veroi 
crosses  to  piano.   Ruth  sits  back  of  table.) 

Wilson.  (Sarcastically)  Yes,  but  there's  always 
been  plenty  of  bartenders  to  do  the  serving. 
(Crosses  to  chair  r.  of  settee;  sits.  Mrs.  Brockton 
drops  to  settee.) 

Ruth.  Now,  boys,  don't  forget  your  parts  for 
this  afternoon's  party.  George,  you're  my  father; 
Nellie — (Mrs.  Brockton  lies  on  settee.) — you're 
my  mother;  Tony,  you're  supposed  to  be  my  music 
teacher,  and  Steve,  you're  our  new  butler ;  and  when 
for    heaven's    sake,    you    announce    the    Palmers, 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  13 

don't  bawl  the  name  out  as  though  you  felt  your 
lungs  needed  exercise. 

Wilson.  Gee,  that's  a  swell  job!  Head  usher  for 
a  gang  of  crooks !  I  ought  to  write  home  and  tell  the 
folks  how  well  I'm  doing. 

Brockton.  Well,  let's  see  how  well  you  are  do- 
ing. Now,  imagine  you  are  showing  in  the  visitors. 
Let's  hear  you  announce  them. 

Ruth.  Yes,  go  ahead,  Steve.  Something  tells  me 
you  need  more  practice.  (Wilson  rises;  crosses  to 
piano.)  Now  imagine  I'm  playing  the  piano. 
(Pantomimes  playing  on  the  table.) 

Wilson.  (Pushing  Verdi  out  of  the  way)  Get 
out  of  the  way. 

Verdi.    What's  the  matter  with  you? 

Wilson.  (Comes  forward  deferentially  and 
haivls  out)    Mrs.  Palmer! 

Ruth.  (Putting  cards  down.  Rising)  Where  do 
you  think  you  are? 

Brockton.  (Shaking  his  head)  That  voice  never 
belonged  to  any  butler. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Straightens  up)  You're  not 
announcing  a  prize  fight.  (Verdi  throws  up  his 
hands  in  despair.) 

Ruth.   Try  it  again!   (Sits.) 

Wilson.  (Circles  around  chair,  comes  doivn  to 
L.  of  table  again,  in  a  very  dignified  manner  and  in 
a  softer  tone  announces)    Mrs.  Palmer! 

Ruth.   That  is  better. 

Verdi.  Very  much  better  indeed.  (Wilson  looks 
at  Verdi  as  if  lie  zvould  like  to  strangle  him.  Verdi 
makes  funny  movement  of  arm.) 

Ruth.  (Taking  telegram  from  dress)  Now, 
Steve,  here's  the  telegram  I've  prepared.  (Gives 
Wilson  telegram)  You  know  when  to  spring  it, 
don't  you? 

Wilson.   After  tea  has  been  served. 

Ruth.   That's  right.    George,  you're  to  read  the 


14  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

telegram — and  don't  pass  it  around  to  be  examined 

— if    they   even    suspect    it's    phoney (Rises, 

Shrugs  shoulders)  Well,  we  might  as  well  pack  up 
and  get  out.    (Goes  around  to  l.  of  table.) 

Brockton.  (Taking  keys  from  pocket)  Oh, 
Ruth!  Here  are  the  skeleton  keys.  You  may  need 
them  when  you  get  over  to  the  house.  (Gives  keys 
to  Ruth.   She  sits  l,  of  table.) 

Wilson.  (Up  c.  Putting  on  collar)  We're  a  hell 
of  a  gang  to  give  a  tea  party ! 

Ruth.   Why  the  profanity? 

Brockton.  (Looking  up  at  Wilson  j  Remember 
that  even  a  burglar  may  be  a  gentleman. 

Wilson.  Hm!  Good  manners  don't  crack  no 
cribs. 

Brockton.  (Bowing  to  him  in  acknowledgment) 
Yes,  unfortunately,  even  good  manners  have  their 
limitations.  (The  DOORBELL  rings;  two  short 
rings  and  one  long  one.  All  rise  and  stand  tensely 
at  attention.   The  RING  is  repeated.) 

Ruth.  That's  Lazarre's  ring.  (To  Verdij  Let 
him  in. 

(Verdi  exits  U2,  leaving  door  open.   Mrs.  Brock- 
ton crosses  up  L,c.j 

Wilson.  (Crosses  down  c.)  Lazarre — what  the 
devil  did  he  come  up  here  for?  (Goes  to  window 
and  looks  out.) 

Ruth.  I  sent  him  word  that  we  had  to  have  more 
money. 

Brockton.  (Impatiently)  H  anyone  has  trailed 
him  up  here,  we're  done  for. 

Wilson.  (At  window)  Thank  Heaven,  there's 
no  one  in  sight. 

Ruth.  (Crosses  to  hack  of  settee)  I  asked  him 
to  send  the  money,  not  to  bring  it. 

Mrs.  Brockton.    (Crosses  down  c.)  That's  the 


ACT  I  CHEATING    CHEATERS  15 

worst  of  having  a  backer ;  he's  always  scared  some- 
body is  holding  out  on  him. 

Ruth.  (Turning  to  her)  Nellie,  you  had  better 
get  into  your  clothes. 

Wilson.  (Up  c.)  Yes,  Mother;  go  upstairs  and 
improve  your  figure. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Crossing  up)  This  figure  don'f 
need  improving.  It  needs  remodeling.  I'll  be  decked 
out  like  a  circus  horse  in  no  time.   (Exits  R.c.j 

(Ira  Lazarre  enters  hurriedly  L.2.  He  is  a  tall 
thin  man,  slightly  bald,  of  a  very  nervous 
nature  and  speaks  in  a  thin  piping  voice  that  is 
almost  a  whine.) 

Lazarre.  (Hat  in  hand,  he  comes  quickly  down 
c,  bowing.  Wilson  crosses  to  chair-  r.  of  settee. 
Ruth  comes  down  l.  of  Wilson,  j  Good  afternoon. 
Miss  Brockton.  (Turning  to  Brocktonj  Ah, 
George,  you're  looking  well !  (Sees  books  scattered 
on  table)  My!  My!  Plenty  of  books,  eh,  George? 
You  must  have  been  visiting  the  Public  Library 
again.  The  first  time  I  defended  George — (Turn- 
ing to  RuTHJ — it  was  for  furnishing  his  shelves 
from  the  Public  Library,  (Brockton  shaking  his 
head  disgustedly.  Crosses  up  r.c.  to  steps.  Ira 
turns  to  him  laughingly)  You  see,  George,  I  have 
a  good  memory. 

Brockton.  (In  doorway  r.c.  Sarcastically)  Ira, 
if  your  legal  knowledge  was  as  good  as  your  mem- 
ory, you'd  be  a  regular  lawyer.    (Exits  R.c.) 

Lazarre.  (A  little  embarrassed,  turning  to  Ruth^ 
I  received  your  letter.  Miss  Brockton. 

Ruth.  (Coming  c.)  Sit  down,  please.  (Indicat- 
ing chair  r.  of  table.  Ira  crosses  in  front  of  table. 
Wilson  drops  into  chair  l.c.  Lazarre  sits  r.  of 
table.  Ruth  l.  of  table)  Have  you  brought  the 
money  ? 


i6  CHEATING    CHEATERS  acti 

Lazarre.  (Evasively)  I'm  afraid  I  have  some 
bad  news — very  bad  news.  Miss  Carey.  (Ruth  and 
Wilson  give  startled  looks.) 

Ruth.   Bad  news? 

Lazarre.  Spider  Webb  was  convicted  yesterday. 
(Shaking  his  head  mournfully)  And  I  had  such  a 
beautiful  alibi  for  him. 

Wilson.    (Gruffly)   Well,  wasn't  you  his  lawyer? 

Lazarre.  Yes,  but  even  /  couldn't  save  him. 
(Impressively)  Had  he  been  a  ten  thousand  dollar 
client  I  couldn't  have  been  more  eloquent  or  wept 
more  tears  before  that  jury.  Now  he's  in  for  four 
years  and  all  my  witnesses  are  under  arrest  for 
perjury.  (Ruth  and  Wilson  again  exchange 
startled  looks.)    My !    My !   Times  are  awfully  bad ! 

Ruth.  (Leaning  across  the  table)  Is  that  to  let 
us  know  we  tan't  have  the  money? 

Lazarre.  (Shaking  his  head  mournfully)  Three 
thousand  dollars  is  a  lot  of  money  to  advance  just 
now. 

Ruth.   But  think  of  the  profits! 

Lazarre.  I  know,  but  you  have  already  had  four 
thousand  dollars. 

Ruth.  (Impatiently)  If  you  want  an  account- 
ing, I'll  give  you  one.  There's  the  renting  of  this 
house,  the  hiring  of  the  furniture — ^the  trip  to  Eu- 
rope for  George  and  me 

Lazarre.  You  know,  Miss  Carey,  I  never  pry 
into  what  my  clients  do  with  their  money. 

Ruth.  (Sarcastically)  Yes;  the  less  you  know, 
the  safer  it  is  for  you.  And  you  always  play  safe, 
don't  you?  (Ruth  and  Wilson  exchange  knowing 
looks.) 

Lazarre.  (IVhiningly)  I'm  afraid  the  game  is  no 
longer  safe  for  any  of  us. 

Wilson.    (Gruffly)    Not  even  for  you,  eh? 

Lazarre.  Look  what  happened  to  poor  Spider! 
The  police  would  have  sprung  him  for  me  in  a  min- 


ACT  I  CHEATING    CHEATERS  17 

ute,  but  even  their  hands  were  tied.  That  detective, 
Ferris (Rises.) 

Wilson.   (Jumps  up;  crosses  to  c.)    Ferris? 

Ruth.    (With  sudden  interest)  Ferris? 

Lazarre.  Yes,  damn  him!  Ferris  worked  up  the 
case  against  him,  and  what  do  you  think  one  of 
their  operatives  had  the  nerve  to  say  to  me? 

Ruth.    I  don't  know.    What? 

Lazarre.  I  was  cross-examining  him  when  he 
answered  back  that  I  was  worse  than  a  crook — that 
I  was  a  backer  and  maker  of  crooks.  (Puts  right 
hand  in  lower  right  pocket.) 

Ruth.  (With  a  knowing  smile  and  nod  to  Wil- 
son j   A  vile  slander,  wasn't  it? 

Lazarre,  (Takes  a  small  round  black  object 
from  his  pocket)    And  look  at  this! 

Wilson.  (Coming  c.  excitedly.  Ruth  rises)  A 
Dick—! 

Lazarre.    Yes,  a  dictograph! 

Ruth.    Where  did  you  find  it? 

Lazarre.  Planted  in  my  office  by  one  of  Ferris's 
men.  Fortunately,  I  discovered  it  before  any  harm 
was  done.  But  you  see  how  insecure  everything  is. 
(Puts  the  dictograph  into  his  pocket.  Turns  and 
takes  a  few  steps  R.) 

Ruth.   (Looks  at  Wilson,  winks,  points  to  lamp; 

nods)  All  right — if  you  want  security (Ruth 

goes  to  lamp  up  n.c,  opens  door  and  takes  out  case 
containing  jewels.) 

Wilson.  (Crossing  to  front  of  settee)  Sure,  a 
bunch  of  it! 

Ruth.  (Coming  down  back  of  table  and  opening 
case)  Would  these  satisfy  you?  The  Stuyvesant 
jewels? 

Lazarre.  (r.  of  table,  looking  greedily  at  jewels) 
The  Stuyvesant  jewels! 

Ruth.    Yes,  and  they're  all  there,  except  what 


i8  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

Nell  is  wearing.  Do  you  want  to  hold  them  as  col- 
lateral until  it  is  safe  to  market  them? 

Lazarre.    Will  it  ever  be  safe  to  market  them? 

Wilson.  Sure.  The  bulls  ain't  going  to  devote 
all  their  lives  to  this  one  job.  (Ruth  extends  jewels 
to  Lazarre.) 

Lazarre.  Oh,  no!  You  are  very  clever,  Miss 
Carey.  Now,  were  I  to  take  them  it  would  leave 
you  clean  and  me  with  the  goods.  And  now  that 
Ferris  handles  the  business  for  all  the  burglary 
insurance  companies,  he  will  never  give  up  the 
search  for  them. 

Ruth.  (Closing  jewel  case)  Let  me  understand 
you.  You  mean  you're  not  going  to  advance  us  the 
three  thousand  dollars 

Lazarre.  (Anxiously)  Why  do  you  need  so 
much? 

Ruth.  (Emphatically)  You  know  that  we  don't 
dare  market  any  of  these  stones  in  this  country, 
and  the  war  kills  any  chance  of  disposing  of  them 
in  Europe ;  and  we  will  be  in  the  same  fix  with  the 
Palmer  jewels!  Now,  we've  got  to  have  getaway 
money,  and  we're  not  going  to  wait  for  it  until 
after  the  job.  Either  we  get  that  money  now,  or  I 
quit. 

Lazarre.  Now,  Miss  Carey,  remember  you  have 
already  had  four  thousand  dollars.  I  only  mean  to 
suggest  that  this  Ferris — has  made  it  so  danger- 
ous for  all  of  us  that — er — that — ^well,  something 
ought  to  be  done.  (Leaning  over  table  in  suggestive 
manner)  Now,  if  he  were  suddenly  to  disappear — 
you  understand? 

Ruth.  (Exchanges  looks  with  Wilson^  Yes,  we 
understand.  You  want  us  to  get  Ferris  before  Fer- 
ris gets  you  ?   (Crosses  to  chair  l.  of  table  r.  ;  sits.) 

Lazarre.  (Turning  and  taking  step  down  r.^  I 
am  only  warning  you  of  your  danger. 

Ruth.   (Sneeringly)  Of  course,  you  wouldn't  be 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  19 

guilty  of  complicity  in  putting  Ferris  out  of  the 


way 


Lazaree.  (Coming  back  to  table  excitedly)  That 
isn't  the  question.    I'm  simply  trying  to  tell  you — 

Ruth.  (Impatiently  bringing  hand  down  on  table 
with  force)  Getting  down  to  business.  Where  is  he  ? 

Lazarre,  Ah,  that  is  the  point — where  is  he? 
The  rat  keeps  himself  invisible — he  directs  his 
agents,  but  never  appears  on  the  scene  himself.  But 
— a  big  job  like  getting  the  Palmer  jewels  ought  to 
bring  him  personally  on  the  ground,  and  if  he  should 

take  charge  himself (Leans   over   table   and 

looks  at  Wilson.) 

Wilson.   Listen — leave  him  to  me. 

Ruth.  (Lightly,  with  a  nod  toward  Wilsonj  Oh, 
yes!    Leave  him  to  him! 

Lazarre.  (With  a  sigh  of  relief)  Ah,  I  thought 
so!  (Then  as  afterthought)  Now,  of  course,  I  am 
not  suggesting  what  you  are  to  do 

Ruth.  We  understand  perfectly — you  always 
play  safe.  (Rises)  Have  you  got  the  money?  (W^il- 
SON  rises;  crosses  to  back  of  table.) 

Lazarre.  (With  satisfied  air  of  relief,  now  rises 
and  taking  wallet  from  pocket,  takes  out  r/ioney. 
Ruth  rises.)  Ah,  yes — ^here  it  is — ^three  thousand 
dollars  in  large  bills (Hands  money  to  Ruth.^ 

Ruth.  Thank  you.  (Takes  money  and  counts  it. 
Wilson  shows  satisfaction;  goes  up  c.  to  zvindow.) 

Lazarre.  You  are  a  clever  girl.  Miss  Carey. 
You  understand — ^and  I  leave  it  all  to  you — and 
Wilson. 

Ruth.  Thank  you.  You  always  do  leave  it  to 
someone  else. 

Verdi.  (Enters  L.2)  Excuse  me !  But  I  saw  the 
Palmer  car  at  the  top  of  the  hill.  It  is  coming  this 
way (AUTO  HORN  heard  in  the  distance.) 

Lazarre.  (Going  above  table  toward  L.2)  Your 
visitors?   I  shall  be  going. 


20  CHEATING    CHEATERS  acti 

Ruth.  (Stops  him;  points  to  r.cJ  That  way  is 
safer.  You  can  cut  through  the  garden.  Tony  will 
show  you  the  way. 

Lazarre.  Goodbye  and  good  luck!  (Exits  r.c, 
followed  by  Verdi.  Ruth  crosses,  puts  money  and 
jewels  into  lamp,  comes  back  of  table  and  arranges 
books  and  so  on.) 

Wilson.  (At  window)  Yes,  here  they  come !  In 
a  swell  car !  (Comes  down  back  of  Ruth j  There's 
something  I  want  to  say  to  you ! 

Ruth.   Yes? 

Wilson.  If  this  frame-up  goes  through,  and 
you're  invited  to  that  house,  you'll  be  under  the 
same  roof  with  that  Tom  Palmer, 

Ruth.  And  all  the  Palmer  jewels.  Don't  forget 
the  jewels. 

Wilson.  I  ain't  forgetting  them,  but  you  want 
to  be  almighty  sure  that  you  don't,  either. 

Ruth.  (Turning  to  him  sharply)  What  do  you 
mean? 

Wilson.  There's  bigger  game  than  diamonds  to 
be  played  for 

Ruth.    Bigger  game? 

Wilson.   Yes,  the  biggest  game  of  all — ^the  man! 

Ruth.  (Trying  to  laugh  it  off  and  crossing  down 
u)   I  play  for  a  man?   Don't  be  absurd. 

Wilson.  (Following  her)  Oh,  you're  clever 
enough !   You're  altogether  too  damned  clever ! 

Ruth.  fL.c,  turning  to  him)  Besides,  he  doesn't 
want  me. 

Wilson.  (Looking  her  in  the  eyes)  I  hope  not, 
because  somebody's  going  to  be  disappointed! 

Ruth.  What  are  you  hinting?  What  do  you 
mean? 

Wilson.  (Fiercely)  Just  this:  If  you  get  into 
that  house  and  that  glib-tongued  Lothario  makes 
love  to  you — grab  the  stones  and  grab  them  quick ! 
Because  you'll  never  get  him!    I'll  get  him  first! 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  21 

(Makes  quick  movement  to  hip  pocket  as  if  to  drcnv 
gun.  Ruth,  showing  that  he  has  affected  her, 
quickly  grasps  his  left  arm  with  her  right  hand.  She 
is  about  to  speak  as  Verdi  enters  excitedly  from 
R.C.) 

Verdi.  The  Palmers!  (Goes  to  window  and 
looks  out.  AUTO  HORN  is  heard  drawing  nearer.) 

Wilson.  (Turning  to  Verdij  All  right!  AU 
right!  (To  Ruthj  I  said  all  I  got  to  say!  (Exits 
1^.2.   Ruth  stands  staring  after  Wilson.) 

Verdi.  (At  window)  They  are  coming  round 
the  bend. 

Ruth.  All  right — I'll  be  started  before  they  get 
here.  (Goes  up  to  piano;  selects  music  she  is  going 
to  play)    Where  are  they  now? 

Verdi.  Coming  this  way.  Better  begin  to  play — 
(AUTO  effect  nearer.) 

Ruth.  I'm  ready.  (Sits  at  piano  and  begins  to 
play  softly.   AUTO  very  near.) 

Verdi.  (Still  at  window)  They  are  entering  the 
gate.  (Comes  down  back  of  her  and  starts  beating 
time  with  finger.  STOP  AUTO.)  Fortissimo! 
Fortissimo!  (Ruth  plays  rapidly  and  loud,  while 
Verdi  stands  at  one  side,  beating  time.  Music  con- 
tinues long  enough  to  enable  visitors  to  get  out  of 
their  automobile.) 

(Wilson  enters  l.2.  He  is  dressed  as  a  butler  and 
looks  and  acts  the  part  of  a  menial.  He  leaves 
door  open  and  comes  down  l.  above  settee. 
Mrs.  Palmer  enters — an  elderly  woman — fol- 
lowed by  Grace  Palmer,  a  girl  about  Ruth's 
age,  and  Tom  Palmer,  a  clean-cut  man,  about 
thirty.    When  they  are  well  on.) 

Wilson.   (Announces)   Mrs.  Palmer! 
Ruth.    (Rises  and  comes  c.)   Oh,  Mrs.  Palmer! 
I'm  awfully  glad  you  came.   (Shakes  hands)   Won't 


22  CHEATING    CHEATERS  acti 

you  sit  down?  (Mrs.  Palmer  crosses  r. ;  sits  in 
chair  l.  of  table.  Ruth  turns  and  shakes  hands 
with  Grace.  Wilson  exits  l.2.)  How  are  you, 
Grace  ? 

Grace.  Splendid,  thank  you.  (Crosses  l.  behind 
table  and  dozvn  extreme  R.) 

Ruth.  (Coming  l.c.  to  Tom  and  shaking  hands) 
And  you?  How  are  you? 

Tom.    (Pressing  her  hand)   Fine! 

Ruth.  (Turning  to  Mrs.  Palmer^  But  where 
is  Mr.  Palmer? 

Mrs.  Palmer.  He  was  so  sorry  not  to  be  able 
to  come,  but  he  had  to  go  into  town  on  business. 
(Tom  comes  down  l.c.  to  front  of  settee.) 

Ruth.  Oh!  I'm  so  sorry!  (Turning  to  Verdi, 
who  is  standing  up  near  piano)  Oh — let  me  intro- 
duce my  music  teacher,  Professor  Verdi.  (Verdi 
comes  down  c.)  Professor,  this  is  Mrs.  Palmer. 
(He  bows  profoundly.)    Miss  Palmer. 

Verdi.    (Still  boiving)   Delighted! 

Ruth.    (Turning  to  Toia)   Tom  Palmer! 

Verdi.  (Crosses  l.  ;  shakes  hands  with  TomJ 
How  do  you  do,  sir? 

Grace.  We  heard  you  as  we  entered  the  gate.  I 
never  knew,  my  dear,  you  could  play  so  well. 

Ruth.  (Pointing  to  Verdij  I  have  a  very  capa- 
ble teacher. 

Verdi.  (Turning  with  profound  bow)  Thank 
you.  (Bozving  to  Others^  Thank  you — thank  you. 
(To  Ruth,  very  impressively)  Now,  if  you  will  re- 
member not  to  slur  in  the  andante  and  work  gradu- 
ally into  the  fortissimo,  giving  full  expression  to 
the  arpeggio,  you  wiM  produce  a  grand  finale  and 
we  will  be  a  great  success  at  the  concert.  (Verdi 
bows  elaborately.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.    (Surprised)    Concert? 

Verdi.    (Proudly)   At  my  studio — a  private  con- 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  23 

cert  by  my  pupils.  Miss  Brockton  is  what  you  call — 
er (Touching  forehead  as  if  trying  to  remem- 
ber)  Ah,  yes — my  star  pupil, 

Tom.  When  does  the  concert  come  off? 

Verdi.    Thursday  evening. 

Grace.    As  soon  as  that? 

Verdi.  That  is  why  Senorita  Brockton,  she  has 
much  practice  to  do.  Oh,  here  is  Mr.  Brockton. 
(Pats  Ruth  on  shoulder;  goes  r.  behind  table.) 

Brockton.  (Enters;  pauses  a  moment  in  door- 
'zvay,  R.c.  The  clothes  he  has  on  are  in  sharp  con- 
trast to  the  ones  he  was  last  seen  in.  He  has  on  a 
black  frock  coat,  striped  trousers,  scrupulously 
creased,  patent  leather  shoes,  and  a  flower  in  his  but- 
tonhole. He  also  wears  a  monocle  in  his  eye.  He 
comes  down  R.  to  front  of  table)  How  do  you  do, 
Mrs.  Palmer?  (Mrs.  Palmer  rises  and  shakes 
hands.)  This  is  awfully  good  of  you  to  come  over. 
(Turns  to  Grace  and  shakes  hands)  Glad  to  see 
you  again.  Miss  Palmer.  (Crosses  l.  to  Tom  ; 
shakes  hands)    How  are  you,  sir? 

Tom.    Splendid,  thank  you. 

Ruth,  Where  is  Mother?  Mother  wanted  to  ask 
you- 


Brockton.  She'll  be  down  in  a  moment.  (Tom 
joins  Ruth,  zvho  has  moved  up  c.  near  piano.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Crossing  to  Brockton,  l.c.) 
Really,  Mr.  Brockton,  how  did  you  ever  manage  to 
get  your  place  so  well  arranged  in  so  short  a  time? 
Why,  you've  only  been  here —   How  long  is  it? 

Tom.   (Up  c.^  A  month  tomorrow 

Grace.  (Down  r.  Verdi  crosses  to  r.  of  Gracej 
Leave  it  to  Brother  Tom  to  keep  tabs. 

Brockton.  (Moving  over  to  Mrs.  Palmerj 
You  know,  we  took  the  house  before  Ruth  and  I 
sailed.  And  Mother,  not  sailing  with  us,  enabled 
her  to  look  after  the  furnishings. 


24  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

(Mrs.  Brockton  appears  in  the  doorway  r.c,  stand- 
ing between  the  parted  curtains.  She  offers  a 
sharp  contrast  to  the  loosely  dressed,  untidy 
woman  seen  before.  Her  blond  hair  is  now  hid- 
den beneath  a  gray  wig  that  imparts  to  her  the 
appearance  of  a  charming,  refined  elderly 
mother.  She  is  stunningly  dressed  in  a  black 
satin  afternoon  gown,  and  conspicuous  at  her 
throat  is  a  large  pearl  necklace.  As  she  stands 
smoothing  down  the  wig  with  her  hands,  each 
movement  of  her  fingers  is  accompanied  by 
the  shimmer  of  jewels.) 

Brockton,  Ah!  Here's  Mother  now!  (Crosses 
to  settee.  Mrs.  Brockton  comes  down  r.c.  Ruth 
crosses  her  forward.) 

Ruth.  Mrs.  Palmer,  allow  me  to  present  my 
mother.  (Mrs.  Palmer  is  l.c.J  Miss  Grace  Pal- 
mer   (Grace  is  down  r.  They  acknowledge  in- 
troductions. Ruth  turns  to  Tom,  who  is  up  r.c.^ 
And  this  is  Tom  Palmer. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Shaking  hands.  Tom  comes 
down  to  L.  of  Mrs.  Brockton^  So  this  is  the  Tom 
Palmer? 

Tom.  (Laughingly  looking  toivard  Ruth^  I 
hope  there  hasn't  been  another  one  coming  around. 

Mrs.  Brockton.    Real  live  heroes  are  scarce. 

Tom.  (Pointing  to  Brockton.  Grace  sits  r.  of 
table.  Mrs.  Palmer  crosses  to  back  of  table;  sits.) 
There's  one. 

Mrs.  Brockton.   (In  surprise)   He — a — hero? 

Tom.  I  never  saw  a  cooler  man  when  he  was 
needed. 

Brockton,  (In  front  of  settee)  Oh!  I  wasn't 
so  cool,  but  seeing  you 

Tom.  (Laughingly)  When  that  ship  struck  that 
mine,  believe  me  I  wasn't  so  cool,  either,    (Joins 


ACTi  CHEATING   CHEATERS  25 

Ruth  up  c.  Mrs.  Brockton  crosses  to  l,  of  table; 
sits.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (To  Mrs.  Brocktonj  You  were 
fortunate  in  remaining  at  home  and  missing  it. 

Brockton.  Yes,  Mother  missed  the  excitement, 
but  she  alv/ays  did  hate  the  water.  (Crosses  to  back 
of  settee.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Oh,  I  just  despise  the  ocean — 
it's  the  only  thing  that  has  kept  me  from  going 
abroad. 

(Wilson  enters  l.2,  awkwardly  pushing  the  tea 
cart,  loaded  with  dishes.  Wilson  starts  down 
c.  with  car.  Brockton  attracts  his  attention 
and  signals  him  to  be  careful.  Wilson  turns 
his  head  toward  Brockton  and  nods  to  him; 
as  he  does  so  he  bumps  cart  into  Tom,  who  is 
standing  talking  to  Ruth  up  c.  near  piano,  with 
his  back  to  Wilson.  Wilson,  starting  down  c. 
with  cart,  turns  to  excuse  himself  to  Tom,  and 
runs  into  l.  of  chair  in  which  Mrs.  Brockton 
is  sitting.) 

Brockton  and  Mrs.  Brockton.  (Sternly)  Wil- 
son! (Indicating  l.  side  of  her  chair.  Wilson 
places  cart,  stands  back  of  table,  puts  his  hands  in 
his  trouser  pockets,  then  remembering  what  he  is 
supposed  to  be,  draws  himself  up  awkwardly  and 
stands  at  attention.  Verdi  makes  pantomime  to 
Wilson  to  stand  like  a  butler.) 

Ruth.  (Coming  down  to  Mrs.  Brockton^ 
Mother,  can  I  help  you  ? 

Mrs.  Brockton.   If  you  please,  dear. 

Ruth.  (Taking  cup  and  saucer  from  Mrs. 
Brockton  as  she  finishes  filling  it)  Mrs.  Palmer, 
will  you  have  lemon  or  cream? 

Mrs.  Palmer.  Lemon,  if  you  please. 


26  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

Ruth.  And  you,  Grace?  (Taking  second  cup 
from  Mrs.  Brockton.j 

Grace.  The  same,  dear.  (Ruth  puts  slice  of 
lemon  in  each  cup  as  she  finishes.  Wilson  steps 
forward  with  extended  hands  to  take  them,  when 
Verdi,  coming  from  around  r.  between  Mrs.  Pal- 
mer and  Grace,  steps  in  between  Ruth  and  Wil- 
son, saying:) 

Verdi.  Permit  me — ^permit  me,  Senorita  ?  (Takes 
tea,  goes  back  around  table,  serves  to  Mrs.  Pal- 
mer and  Grace.  Wilson  very  angrily  draws  him- 
self up  and  is  about  to  declare  himself  when  Ruth 
knocks  him  with  elbow.) 

Ruth.  Wilson — ^you  may  pass  the  cake!  (Tom 
and  Brockton  stand  talking  behind  settee.  Wilson 
takes  cake  from  cart,  starts  l.  toward  Tom  and 
Brockton,  then  hesitates,  shakes  his  head  wisely, 
smiles,  goes  back  around  table  and  comes  down 
toward  Mrs.  Palmer  ;  is  just  about  to  pass  cake  to 
her  when  Verdi  turns  and  takes  cake  from  him. 
Wilson  gives  Verdi  a  nasty  look.  Stops;  looks  at 
him.  Verdi  serves  cake  to  Mrs.  Palmer  and 
Grace;  crosses  up;  talks  to  Wilson.) 

Ruth.    (To  ToMJ  How  will  you  have  yours? 

Tom.    Straight. 

Ruth.    (Smiling)   Oh !   But  this  is  tea. 

Tom.  (Crosses  to  l.  of  Ruth.  Laughingly)  Oh, 
I  beg  your  pardon.  A  little  lemon,  please.  (Brock- 
ton crosses  to  front  of  settee.) 

Ruth.    (Fixing  tea)    Lemon  for  you,  Father? 

Brockton.  Yes,  dear.  (Tom  takes  the  two  cups 
from  Ruth  ;  goes  l.  ;  gives  one  to  Brockton,  who 
sits  on  settee.  Ruth  takes  cup  for  herself  and  sits 
in  chair  r.  of  settee.  Tom,  coming  l.c.  beside  her, 
sits  on  arm  of  settee.  Verdi  Jms  given  the  plate 
back  to  Wilson,  who  sulkily  comes  around  to  tea 
cart  and  noisily  slams  plate  down  on  cart.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.    (Giving  him  a  warning  look) 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  27 

That  will  do,  Wilson!  (Wilson  draws  himself  up; 
gives  Verdi  an  indignant  look  as  if  to  say,  "You're 
to  blame  for  that."  Wilson  crosses  up  to  piano  and 
leans  on  it  and  begins  to  put  foot  on  imaginary  foot- 
rail.  Mrs.  Brockton  turns,  seeing  Wilson's  busi- 
ness at  piano;  mutters,  "Dear,  dear.")  A  new  man. 
I  don't  think  he  has  had  much  experience.  (Wil- 
son gives  her  a  disgusted  look  and  starts  for  exit 

L.2.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  One  can't  be  too  careful  in  the 
selection  of  servants  these  days.  (Wilson  starts 
for  Mrs.  Palmer  in  a  threatening  manner,  when 
he  catches  the  warning  look  from  Verdi;  crosses 
to  door.    As  he  reaches  it:) 

Ruth.  Yes,  Mrs.  Palmer,  you're  quite  right.  The 
average  servant  is  absolutely  brainless.  (Wilson 
gives  her  an  indignant  look,  mumbling,  and  quickly 
exits  L.2.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Do  you  know,  this  doesn't  seem 
like  a  first  meeting  at  all  to  me.  It's  more  like  re- 
newing an  old  acquaintance.  I've  heard  so  much 
of  you.  In  fact,  all  Ruth  has  spoken  about  since  she 
got  back  has  been  of  her  friends,  the  Palmers. 

Mrs,  Palmer.    I'm  sure  that's  very  kind  of  her. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  And  I  shall  always  be  thank- 
ful to  the  good  fortune  that  placed  Ruth  and  my 
husband  at  the  same  table  with  you. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Lightly)  Then  you  should  thank 
.the  Purser. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (With  puzzled  look)  The — 
Purser  ? 

Grace.  Oh!  He  got  his  reward — five  pounds! 
(Mrs.  Brockton  and  Ruth  look  quickly  to  Brock- 
ton, who  has  his  teacup  raised  to  his  lips  and  is 
ju^t  about  to  drink.  He  pauses,  lowers  cup  and 
looks  at  Grace.) 

Brockton.    Who  paid  five  pounds? 

Grace.    (Leaning  forward)    Why,   the  Purser 


28  CHEATING  CHEATERS  acti 

told  us  that  you  paid  him  five  pounds  for  a  seat 
at  our  table. 

Brockton.    (Annoyed)    Did  he  tell  you  that? 

Ruth.   Why — Father — ^>'ou  never  told  me ! 

Brockton.  (Embarrassed)  Well — er — ^you  see 
— ^ahem — ^it  was  this  way — I  didn't  like  the  people 
at  our  table. 

Tom.   I'm  glad  of  that. 

Ruth.  (To  Tom  j  No  more  than  you  liked  the 
people  at  your  table. 

Tom.  (Looking  around  in,  embarrassment)  Why 
— ^what  do  you  mean  ? 

Ruth.  You  see,  when  Father  and  I  decided  to 
move  to  another  table,  we  looked  around  the  saloon 
and  Father  said,  "Why,  there  are  those  nice-look- 
ing people  we  saw  on  the  train  to  Cherbourg."  And 
I  said,  "Yes,  how  nice  it  would  be  if  we  could  sit 
at  their  table."  (Looking  at  Tom.  Verdi  takes  cups 
from  Grace  and  Mrs.  Palmer,  puts  them  on  tray 
and  returns  to  former  position.)  You  see,  I  wanted 
to  know  you — (Tom  leans  forward  with  pleased 
expression) — all  of  you.  (Tom  straightens  up; 
looks  disappointed.) 

Grace.  Why,  isn't  that  strange?  That's  just 
what  Tom  said  when  he  saw  you  on  the  train — 
that  he  wanted  to  know  you — all  of  you. 

Ruth.  But  when  we  asked  the  Purser  for  a  seat 
next  to  you  he  said  he  guessed  it  would  be  all  right, 
seeing  as  you  had  paid  him  five  pounds  for  a  seat 
next  to  us. 

Tom.  (Confused)  Well,  I — I — ^yes — ^yes — ^>'ou 
see.  (Turns  to  Mrs.  Palmer  as  if  for  help.  Takes 
cup  from  Ruth,  crosses  and  puts  cup  on  wagon.) 

Brockton.  (Now  at  ease.  Rises)  Why,  this  is 
quite  remarkable — ahem — ^well,  sort  of  mutual  at- 
traction     (By  this  time  they  have  all  finished 

tea.  Brockton  gives  Verdi  signal  to  get  the  Pal- 
mer ladies  out  of  the  room  so  Tom  and  Ruth  can 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  29 

be  alone.  Verdi  nods  in  answer.  Mrs.  Brockton 
rings  small  bell  on  tea  cart  for  Wilson.) 

Verdi.  Ah,  yes,  a  mutual  attraction — but  we 
have  another  attraction — the  view  from  the  porch 
is  simply  magnifique !  On  a  clear  day  like  this  you 
can  see  above  the  trees,  across  the  fields — so  far  as 
you  can  see  the  housetops  of  the  big  city.  (During 
speech  Brockton  has  moved  back  of  settee  and 
crossed  r.  to  foot  of  steps,  placing  his  teacup  on  tea 
table  as  he  passes.  Wilson  enters  l.2  and  takes 
tea  cart;  starts  toward  door  l.2  ;  turns,  listening  to 
Verdi  ;  smiles  and  catches  Brockton's  eye;  shakes 
his  head  and  exits  l.2.) 

Grace.    (With  interest,  rising)   Really? 

Verdi.  Ah!  It  is  wonderful!  You  must  let  me 
show  you.  (Offering  Grace  his  arm)  I  shall  be 
honored!  (To  Mrs.  Palmerj  Will  you  not  come 
too.  Madam?  (Verdi  offers  Mrs.  Palmer  his  other 
arm.  She  rises,  takes  his  arm  and  they  start  for  r.c. 
Brockton  drops  down  back  of  table,  and  touching 
Mrs.  Brockton  on  arm,  nods  toward  r.c.  and 
crosses  back  to  foot  of  steps.  She  rises  and  crosses 
toward  r.c.  Tom,  in  the  meantime,  has  dropped 
down  and  is  sitting  on  arm  of  settee,  facing  Ruth.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  I  suggest  that  we  all  go  on  the 
porch. 

Brockton.  All  right.  Mother.  That's  a  very 
good  idea.  (  Mrs.  Palmer,  Grace  and  Verdi,  Mrs. 
and  Mr.  Brockton  exit  r.c.,  he  turing,  as  he  exits, 
to  Ruth  and  Tom  with  a  satisfied  look.  Tom  and 
Ruth  continue  to  talk  in  dumb  show  until  Others 
are  well  off.) 

Ruth.  (Rising  and  turning  toward  r.c.)  Don't 
you  think  we  had  better  join  the  others? 

Tom.  (Rising  and  coming  around  to  her  r.)  No! 
(He  looks  into  her  eyes.  They  Both  laugh.)  Not 
until  I've  had  a  moment  alone  with  you!    Do  you 


30  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

know,  I  haven't  seen  you  for  a  whole  week?  (Takes 
her  hand.) 

Ruth.  (Looking  up  at  him)  A  whole  week? 
My,  is  it  as  long  as  that? 

Tom.  You're  looking  wonderful,  but  you  haven't 
said  you're  glad  to  see  me. 

RuTii.  (Crosses  to  settee;  sits)  I  thought  you 
took  that  for  granted. 

Tom.  (Following  her;  sits)  I  never  take  any- 
thing for  granted. 

Ruth.   Very  well.  How  do  you  do? 

Tom.  Fine,  thank  you.  (Gives  him  her  hand  and 
both  laugh.) 

Ruth.   I  am  glad  to  see  you. 

Tom.  (Laughingly)  That's  better!  That's  a 
whole  lot  better.  (He  feels  the  large  solitaire  on  her 
finger  and  examines  it  carefully  and  admiringly.) 
Hello — hello!  What  a  marvelous  ring!  By  George, 
that's  a  beauty !  Why,  that  fellow  is  a  perfect  three 
carat!    I  never  saw  him  before. 

Ruth.  (Playfully)  All  the  jewels  in  the  world 
aren't  in  the  Palmer  collection,  you  know. 

Tom.    It's  wonderful! 

Ruth.  Yes.  I  think  it's  rather  pretty.  Father 
gave  it  to  me  on  my  birthday.  (Taking  her  hand 
away)  Do  you  know,  with  all  your  love  for  them, 
I've  never  seen  you  wear  a  jewel  of  any  kind? 

Tom.   I  hate  display  in  a  man. 

Ruth.    Why  do  you  collect  them? 

Tom.  For  the  same  reason  that  other  men  collect 
wonderful  paintings  and  beautiful  statuary  and  rare 
pottery.  You  see,  you  really  learn  to  know  and 
understand  precious  stones;  you  discover  in  them 
all  the  crystallized  beauty  of  the  world. 

Ruth.  (Leaning  toward  him)  Tell  me  some 
more  about  your  collection.  Remember,  you  were 
giving  me  the  history  of  that  wonderful  necklace? 

Tom.  Yes ;  we  were  getting  real  chummy  for  the 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  31 

first  time  when  we  hit  that  damn — that  confounded 
mine 

Ruth.  But  speaking  of  jewels — have  you  added 
to  the  collection  since  you  got  back? 

Tom.  I  haven't  even  looked  at  it.  I  haven't 
thought  about  anything  or  anybody — (Looks  long- 
ingly at  her)  — but  you! 

Ruth.  (Embarrassed,  rises  and  crosses  c.)  And 
thinking  of  me — and  all  the  incidents  of  the  voy- 
age, didn't  you  wonder  why  Father  should  have 
paid  the  Purser  five  pounds  for  a  seat  next  to  you? 

Tom.  (Following  her)  Not  at  all.  Anything  to 
get  away  from  those  long-bearded  Russians.  I 
couldn't  have  stood  them  myself. 

Ruth.  You  couldn't — ^but  you  did — ^you  paid  the 
Purser  five  pounds  for  a  seat  next  to  us. 

Tom.  Because  I  wanted  to  meet  you.  Why,  I 
wanted  to  know  you  from  the  very  moment  our 
eyes  met  across  the  seat  of  that  railroad  car  on 
the  way  to  Cherbourg.  Ruth,  I 

Ruth.  (Turns  away,  trying  to  change  subject) 
Hadn't  we  better  join  the  others?  (Crosses  to  chair 
back  of  table.) 

Tom.  (Advances  ardently  to  l.  of  Ruth^  Just 
a  moment,  Ruth.  After  all  the  things  I  said  to  you 
— you  remember  as  we  sat  on  deck  with  the  moon- 
light on  the  water. 

Ruth.  The  things  a  man  says  under  the  influ- 
ence of  the  moonlight  on  the  water  are  best  for- 
gotten. 

Tom.  Ruth,  don't  you  care  a  little?  Haven't  my 
words  meant  anything? 

Ruth.   A  man's  words  mean  so  little. 

Tom.  Mine  don't  begin  to  express  how  much  I 
care. 

Ruth.  (Turning  toward  him)  A  man  never 
really  knows. 

Tom.    Yes,  he  does.    When  he  hungers  for  the 


32  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

presence  of  a  woman — when  he  thrills  at  the  mere 
touch  of  her  hand — when  a  wisp  of  her  hair  brush- 
ing his  cheek  sets  his  blood  tingling,  he  knows  he 
has  met  the  one  woman  in  the  world  for  him. 

Ruth.  (Looking  up  into  his  eyes)  She  always 
is  the  one  woman  in  the  world — (Turns  away, 
crosses  down  and  sits  on  arm  of  cliair  R.j — ^at  the 
time. 

Tom,  (Following  Ruth^  Ruth,  do  you  know — 
sometimes  I  seem  to  feel  that  you're  merely  playing 
with  me?  (Tries  to  kiss  her.  She  moves  her  head 
away  each  time.) 

Ruth.  (Turning  to  him,  looking  into  his  eyes 
searchingly,  her  hand  falling  on  his  arm)  No,  I'm 
not  playing  with  you.  Really,  I'm  not.  (Rises)  Oh 
— sometimes  I  wonder  if  you're  really  sincere? 

Tom.  (Leaning  across  armchair  toward  her)  I 
— sincere  ?  If  there  were  only  some  way  of  proving 
it!   Test  me — test  me  any  way  you  wish! 

Ruth.  (Turning  to  him)  No,  I  don't  want  to, 
really — disappointments    are    always    costly    to    a 

woman (Grace,  Verdi,   Mrs.   Palmer,    Mr. 

and  Mrs.  Brockton  enter  r.c.  Grace  and  Verdi 
stop  upstage  near  piano.  Mrs.  Palmer  crosses 
down  L.c.  Brockton  c.  Mrs.  Brockton  to  chair 
L.  of  table.) 

Grace.  (Speaking  the  moment  she  is  on  stage) 
Here  they  are ! 

Tom.     (Below  table   R.   with  RuthJ     Yes — we 

were  just  going  to  join  you (Turning  to  Ruth^ 

Weren't  we? 

Grace.    It's  too  late  now. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  It's  commencing  to  cloud  up,  so 
we  shall  have  to  be  going  soon. 

Mrs.  Brockton.    Please  don't  hurry! 

Wilson.  (Enters  l.2,  coming  c.  with  telegram 
on  salver)    Telegram   for   Mr.   Brockton.    (Gives 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  33 

telegram  to  Brockton  and  exits  L.2.  Mrs.  Brock- 
ton moves  up  to  Verdi.) 

Brockton.  (Opening  telegram)  Excuse  me? — 
Mrs.  Palmar. 

Mrs.  Palmer.   Certainly.   (Sits  on  settee.) 

Brockton.  (Glancing  through  telegram)  My — > 
my!    This  is  unfortunate. 

Ruth.  Why,  what  is  it,  Father?  (Mrs.  Brock- 
ton comes  down  to  r.  of  Brockton.^ 

Mrs.  Palmer.   Nothing  serious,  I  hope? 

Brockton.  Well,  I'm  afraid  Ruth  won't  be  able 
to  play  at  the  Professor's  concert. 

Verdi.  (Coming  down  c.  Grace  to  back  of  set- 
tee) Not  play?  Why — what  has  happened?  (Tom 
crosses  to  r.  of  settee.) 

Brockton.  (Indicating  telegram)  From  Perkins 
— my  lawyer  in  Chicago.    (Reads  telegram.) 

Ruth.    (Rising)    What  does  he  say,  Father? 

Brockton.  "J^^g^  refuses  further  adjournment. 
Case  on  calendar  for  Wednesday.  Will  be  abso- 
lutely necessary  for  you  and  Mrs.  Brockton  to  be 
in  Chicago  Wednesday  morning."  (Then  gives  tele- 
gram to  Mrs.  Brockton.  To  Palmers^  You  see, 
Mother  and  I  are  trying  to  recover  some  money  we 
put  into  a  venture.  (Mrs.  Brockton  sits  chair  l. 
of  table.) 

Verdi.  (Coming  down  to  r.  of  Brockton^  But 
Miss  Brockton — must  she  go  too? 

Ruth.  I  hate  to  disappoint  you,  Professor,  but — 

Verdi.  Ah!  After  all  the  preparation — and  she 
study  so  hard — am  I  to  lose  my  star  pupil  from  my 
concert  ? 

Mrs.  Palmer.    That  is  too  bad! 

Verdi.  Does  the  telegram — say  for  Miss  Brock- 
ton to  go?    (Crossse  r.  behind  table.) 

Brockton.  Well,  we  can't  leave  her  alone  in  the 
house  with  the  butler. 

Ruth.   I  can  go  to  a  hotel,  Father. 


34  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

Brockton.  (Shaking  his  head)  I  know — ^but  a 
girl  alone  in  a  hotel — ! 

Verdi.  (With  a  sudden  thought)  Perhaps  Miss 
Brockton — she  has  some  friends  with  whom  she 
can  stay?  (Tom  leans  over  and  whispers  to  Mrs. 
Palmer,  who  smiles  and  nods.) 

Brockton.  That  would  be  all  right,  but  we  hardly 
know  anyone  in  this  section. 

Tom.  (Coming  c.  Mrs.  Palmer  rises.  Grace 
comes  around  l.  below  settee)  Let  me  offer  a  sug- 
gestion: If — if  Miss  Brockton  doesn't  have  to  go, 
I'm  sure  my  mother  and  Grace  will  be  delighted 
to  have  her  as  our  guest. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  Of  course  we  shall ! 

Ruth.  It's  very  kind  of  you,  but  really  I  couldn't 
think  of  inconveniencing  you.  (Brockton,  Mrs. 
Brockton  and  Verdi  glance  quickly  at  her.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.    Inconvenience  ?   Not  at  all ! 

Ruth.  But  I'm  sure  I  should  only  prove  a  nuis- 
ance. There's  my  music 

Grace.    We  shall  enjoy  hearing  you  play. 

Ruth.  And  there's  Professor  Verdi  and  my  les- 
sons  

Mrs.  Palmer.  Professor,  you  wouldn't  object 
to  giving  Miss  Brockton  her  lessons  at  our  home, 
would  you?  It's  such  a  little  way  from  here. 

Verdi.  (Behind  table)  Certainly  not!  It  would 
be  just  as  convenient  as  coming  here,  (With  elab- 
orate bow,  gives  Ruth  a  knowing  smile  of  satis- 
faction and  crosses  up  to  window.) 

Tom.    (Crosses  to  r.,  near  Ruth^   Then  it's  all 

settled — I'll    fetch    the    car    for    you (Mrs. 

Brockton  rises;  crosses  to  join  the  Ladies.  Brock- 
ton crosses  to  front  of  table.) 

Ruth.  (Crossing  to  Mrs.  Palmer^  Are  you  sure 
— I  won't  be  in  the  way? 

Mrs.  Palmer.    We  should  be  offended  if  you 


ACT  I  CHEATING    CHEATERS  35 

refused.  (Verdi  crosses  to  piano;  opens  music 
book.) 

Tom.  (To  BrocktonJ  It's  satisfactory  to  you, 
isn't  it  ? 

Brockton.  (Turning  to  Tom.  Crosses  to  c.) 
Satisfactory?  Oh,  entirely  so! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (To  Mrs.  Palmer^  We  are  all 
delighted ! 

Tom.  (To  Ruthj  What  time  shall  I  call  for 
you? 

Brockton.  (To  Ruth^  Mr.  Palmer  is  speaking 
to  you,  dear! 

Ruth.  (Turning  to  Tom,  then  to  Brocktonj 
What  train  will  you  take,  Father? 

Brockton.   The  Twentieth  Century. 

Ruth.  (To  Tom^  Then  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do. 
I'll  motor  down  to  New  York  with  Father  and 
Mother — then  I'll  return  to  your  house. 

Tom.    (Taking  her  hands)    Good! 

Mrs.  Palmer.   We  shall  expect  you. 

Ruth.  (Verdi  crosses  to  door  l.2,  opens  it,  then, 
crosses  to  back  of  settee)  Tomorrow.  (Mrs.  Pal- 
mer. Grace  and  Mrs.  Brockton  move  toward 
door  L.2.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.    It's  very  kind  of  you 

Mrs.  Palmer.  Not  at  all — ^we're  delighted  to 
have  Ruth  with  us 

Brockton.  (Dropping  down  beside  RuthJ  We'll 
wire  you  when  to  expect  us  back.  (Joins  group  at 
door.) 

Tom.  (Down  to  Ruth^  Are  you  sure  you  don't 
want  me  to  call  for  you? 

Ruth.  I'll  see  Mother  off,  and  motor  back  in 
our  car.  (Mrs.  Palmer  and  Grace  say  "goodbye" 
to  the  Brocktons,  and  bowing  to  Verdi,  exit  l.2.) 

Tom.  Just  as  you  say.  (Shaking  hands)  I'll  see 
you  tomorrow.  (Crosses  up  to  Mrs.  Brockton  ; 
shaking  hands)    Goodbye,  Mrs.  Brockton. 


36  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

Mrs.  Brockton.    Goodbye.    So  glad  you  called. 

Tom.  (Bowing  to  Yerdi)  Goodbye,  Professor. 
(To  Brockton,  who  is  at  door)  Goodbye,  sir.  I 
hope  you  win  your  suit, 

Brockton.  Thank  you.  I'll  go  as  far  as  the  door 
with  you.   (They  exit  L.2.) 

(Hall  door  is  heard  to  close.  MOTOR  starts. 
AUTO  HORN  loud.  Ruth  has  go^ie  up  hy 
window.  Mrs.  Brockton  stands  leaning  against 
piano,  looking  into  hall.  Verdi  stands  l.  below 
settee.  All  stand  tensely  silent.  As  the  sound 
of  the  departing  auto  dies  out,  Brockton  en- 
ters U2 ;  closes  door.) 

Brockton.  They're  gone!  (Instantly  the  de- 
meanor of  the  Entire  Company  changes.  Brock- 
ton, Mrs.  Brockton  and  Verdi  burst  into  uproari- 
ous laughter.) 

Verdi.  (Crossing  to  R.  below  table)  It  was  per^ 
feet — perfect ! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  We're  in  society,  we  are! 
(Tears  off  gray  wig  and  holds  it  up,  then  throws  it 
on  settee)  I  ought  to  paste  this  snow  mat  on  the 
top  of  my  head  and  stay  in  society.  (Sits  on  settee, 
takes  wad  of  chewing  gum  from  arm  of  settee,  puts 
it  in  her  mouth  and  chews  it.) 

Wilson.  (Enters  l.2  with  whiskey  and  glasses  on 
tray,  crossing  r.  to  table)  Here  you  are,  ladies — 
the  booze  am  served!    (Puts  tray  on  table.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Laughingly  pointing  to  Wil- 
SONJ    Wilson,  the  new  butler ! 

Wilson.  (Takes  off  coat  and  throws  it  on  steps 
TL.C.)  The  frame-up  worked,  eh?  (Crossing  to 
table,  takes  glass.  Verdi  comes  up  to  back  of  table.) 
Did  it  work?  With  Nan  and  the  Professor  both  on 
the  inside — that's  what  I  call  finished  work.  (Turns 
to  Ruth j   Nan,  you'll  go  down  in  history  for  this. 


ACT  I  CHEATING    CHEATERS  37 

Ruth.  (Sitting  on  piano  bench)  Yes,  I  dare  say, 
George,  history  isn't  made  until  it's  all  over. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (To  chair  r.  of  table,  throwing 
wig  on  foot  of  steps  R.C.  Sits)  Yes,  history  is  only 
for  the  dead  ones. 

Brockton.  (Expanding  with  good  humor  and 
crossing  back  to  Ruth j  Think  of  it.  Nan !  Half  a 
milHon  worth  of  jewels  in  one  clip!  Do  you  know 
what  this  little  enterprise  is  going  to  do?  It  will 
attach  an  imperishable  lustre  to  the  name  of  Nan 
Carey.  Nan,  you'll  be  the  Napoleon  of  Crookdom, 
and  if  genius  is  to  be  commemorated  to  posterity, 
you'll  have  a  tomb  as  big  as  Napoleon's. 

Wilson.  (About  to  drink)  What's  that  about  the 
Tombs  ? 

Mrs.  Brockton.  There  ain't  no  bail  once  you 
get  into  one  of  those  tombs  he  means. 

Brockton.  (Lifting  glass  to  Ruth^  Here's  to 
Nan  Carey,  our  incomparable  leader!  (All  drink 
except  Ruth.) 

Wilson.  (Looks  significantly  at  Ruth^  I'm 
drinking,  but  we  ain't  got  those  stones  yet. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Always  shoutin'  calamity,  ain't 
you? 

Wilson.  We  ain't  spending  it  yet.  (Puts  glass 
on  table.) 

Verdi.  (Coming  around  and  down  c,  puts  glass 
on  table)    I  know  how  I'll  spend  mine. 

Wilson.  (Sarcastically)  Open  a  peanut  stand,  I 
suppose?    (General  laugh,) 

Verdi.  (Snapping  finger  in  Wilson's  face)  Pea- 
nuts!   Bah! 

Wilson.   Well,  what  would  you  do  with  it  ? 

Verdi.  (Drawing  himself  up  majestically,  strut- 
ting dowyi  c.)  What  shall  I  do?  Ah!  I  am  rich — 
no  more  I  take  the  chance — I  live  like  the  gentle- 
man— I  go  to  the  opera — ^to  the  concert — I  devote 


38  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

myself  to  my  music.  (Crosses  and  stands  front  of 
settee.) 

Wilson.  That's  a  fine  future  for  a  wop  crook. 

Brockton.  (Crosses  to  l.  of  Wilson,  putting 
glass  on  table)  You  don't  understand  the  soul  of 
an  artist. 

Wilson.  Ah !  I  suppose  you'll  build  a  library  or 
something  like  that? 

Brockton.  No,  I  shall  merely  settle  down  and 
become  a  nice,  quiet,  hypocritical,  law-abiding  citi- 
zen. 

Wilson.  (Shaking  his  head)  My  God !  Another 
good  crook  gone  wrong !  (General  laugh.  To  Ruth, 
who  is  still  looking  musingly  into  the  distance) 
Nan,  what  are  you  dreaming  about? 

Ruth.  (Coming  out  of  absorption  with  a  start) 
Oh,  I  was  just  thinking! 

Wilson.  Building  air  castles,  too !  {Y-esdi  moves 
to  back  of  settee.) 

Ruth.  I  was  just  thinking,  if  we  applied  the 
same  energy  and  resourcefulness  and  imagination 
to  some  honest  pursuit 

Brockton.  Honest  pursuit?  That's  only  a  mat- 
ter of  viewpoint. 

Mrs.  Brockton.    Sure! 

Ruth.  I  know,  George,  but  the  world  calls  us 
crooks,  and  we  have  no  answer.  (Crosses  down  l.  ; 
sits  on  settee.) 

Brockton.  (Coming  l.  to  settee)  No  answer? 
Here's  our  answer:  The  world  calls  us  crooks, 
rogues,  scoundrels,  and  we  say  to  the  world — what 
are  you  ?  In  what  way  are  you  better  than  we  are  ? 
(All  voice  approval.)  In  what  way  is  your  schem- 
ing and  conniving  other  than  ours,  though  you  prac- 
tice as  lawyer,  doctor,  merchant,  financier?  What 
is  your  respectability  but  a  cloak  of  deception?  In 
fact,  you  are  not  as  honest  as  we  are,  for  we  admit 


ACT  I  CHEATING   CHEATERS  39 

our  dishonesty.  No  answer,  eh?  We  say  to  all  of 
them — go  where  you  will,  roam  far  and  wide,  but 
out  of  crookdom  you  will  never  be.  For  what  is 
the  world  but  an  empire  of  fraud?  (Goes  up  c.  All 
applaud.) 

Verdi.   Brava!  Brava!   (Applauding.) 

Wilson.  (Applauding)  Good!  Good!  Georgie, 
you  should  have  been  a  politician. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Yes,  and  he  might  have  been, 
too,  if  he'd  ever  been  able  to  live  in  one  district 
long  enough  to  have  a  vote. 

Ruth.  (Looks  blankly  ahead,  then  suddenly 
shakes  herself  as  if  coming  out  of  a  dream,  rises  and 
comes  to  r.c.  To  chair)  Sit  down,  everybody.  I 
want  to  talk  to  you.  (Brockton  sits  in  chair  l.c. 
Wilson  on  settee.  Tony  on  l.  arm  of  settee.  Mrs. 
Brockton  in  chair  r,  of  table.  Ruth  sits  l.  of 
table.)  Boys,  do  you  realize  that  we're  on  the  eve 
of  the  biggest  job  ever  pulled  off  in  this  country? 
(All  ad  lib.  questioningly.)  Well,  we  are.  So  pay 
attention.  The  minute  we  get  those  jewels,  we  scat- 
ter for  South  America.  George  and  Nell,  you  take 
the  first  boat  direct  for  Rio  Janeiro.  Tony,  you  get 
there  by  way  of  Havana.  Wilson,  you  travel  by 
way  of  New  Orleans.  I'll  follow  the  quickest  way 
I  can. 

Wilson.   And  who's  going  to  carry  the  stuff? 

Ruth.    None  of  us. 

Omnes.   What?    (Verdi  rises.) 

Ruth.  None  of  us. 

Brockton.  (Leaning  forward)  We're  not  go- 
ing to  leave  it  behind  us,  are  we? 

Ruth.  No,  we  are  not.  We'll  let  Uncle  Sam 
take  care  of  it  for  us  and  see  that  it's  safely  de- 
livered. 

Mrs.  Brockton.    (Alarmed)   Uncle  Sam? 

Ruth.   Yes,  Uncle  Sam,  Nellie.   Now,  here's  my 


40  CHEATING    CHEATERS  acti 

plan.  We'll  pack  them  in  a  nice  little  box,  and  mail 
it  to  ourselves  in  Rio  Janeiro,  and  we'll  mail  those 
— ^the  Stuyvesant  jewels — along  with  them.  Now, 
is  that  satisfactory?  (All  voice  dissent  and  look 
dubiously  at  one  another.  Verdi  crosses  to  end  of 
settee.)  Wait  a  moment!  (Slaps  table  with  hand; 
rises,  silencing  thenv)  Remember  this!  The  howl 
that  went  up  after  the  Stuyvesant  job  won't  be  a 
whisper  compared  to  the  noise  the  Palmer  job  is 
going  to  cause.  They'll  be  searching  for  the  stones 
all  over — ^at  every  fence — and  every  pawnshop  and 
jewelry  merchant  will  be  on  the  alert  for  them,  just 
as  they  are  for  these.  The  minute  one  of  these  stones 
shows  itself  on  the  market,  up  here,  we're  done  for. 
And  from  now  on  we  have  Ferris  to  deal  with. 
(Sits  slowly  L.  of  table.) 

Wilson.  I'd  take  a  long  chance  for  just  one 
crack  at  that  guy.    (Verdi  moves  up  l.) 

Ruth.  Yes,  you  probably  would — but  the  impor- 
tant thing  is  to  beat  it  before  he  gets  us.  (Rises; 
crosses  dow}t  r.)  Now,  here  are  my  plans  for  Rio 
Janeiro.  You — George — ^you're  in  the  jewelry  busi- 
ness— ^}'ou  are  down  looking  over  the  ground  to 
open  a  high-class  jewelry  store.  Tony,  you're  down 

there  to  open  a  music  studio (Verdi  crosses  to 

end  of  piano.)  Wilson,  you're  looking  for — cheap 
lumber  to  export.  And  I'll  be  a  tourist  traveling 
for  my  health.   Is  that  understood  ? 

Brockton.    Perfectly. 

Ruth.  (Crosses  to  chair  l.  of  table.  Stands  back 
of  it)  Now,  tomorrow,  George,  Nell  and  I  will 
motor  into  town.  While  we're  waiting  for  the 
Twentieth  Century  to  leave  we'll  look  after  the 
transportation  to  South  America.  Then  you  and 
Nell  come  back  here  by  way  of  the  Harlem  Division 
— and  don't  budge  out  of  the  house.  Keep  all  the 
shades  down — and  Steve,  you  keep  away  from  the 


ACT  I  CHEATING    CHEATERS  41 

shades.  And  Nellie,  for  pity's  sake,  pay  no  atten- 
tion to  the  doorbell. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  It  can  ring  its  head  off  for  all 
I  care.    (Verdi  moves  to  r.  of  piano.) 

Ruth.  Good!  Now,  Steve,  there's  a  hedge,  a 
very  high  hedge,  across  the  way  from  the  Palmer 
House.  You  hide  behind  it  while  Tony  is  giving 
me  my  music  lesson.  The  moment  we  locate  where 
the  jewels  are  kept  Tony  will  play  the  signal  on  the 
piano.  Let's  hear  it,  Tony.  (Tony  sits  at  piano  and 
plays  the  signal  once  through.)  That  mean's  we've 
located  the  stuff.  (WARN  Curtain.) 

Wilson.  What  do  I  do  after  that? 

Ruth.  What  do  you  do  after  that?  Why,  frame 
up  something  to  get  into  the  house  to  see  me. 
(Looks  around  room.  Her  eyes  alight  on  mesh  bag 
on  table,  r.  Takes  it  up  and  hands  it  to  Wilson. 
Wilson  rises.)  Here,  bring  me  my  mesh  bag  that 
I'm  supposed  to  have  forgotten — ^that's  good  enough 
to  get  you  in.  I'll  give  you  the  layout  of  the  house 
when  you  get  there.   Now,  have  you  got  that? 

Wilson.  I'm  over  in  the  hedge,  while  Tony  is 
in  the  house — when  I  get  the  signal — ^then  I  come 
in  to  see  you  ?    (Sits.) 

Ruth.  Good !  That's  right.  (Turning  to  others) 
Now  you  all  understand  clearly  what  you're  to  do? 

Brockton.    I  understand, 

Wilson,  We  got  you! 

Verdi,    Perfectly. 

Mrs.  Brockton.    It's  a  cinch. 

Ruth.   Then  that's  all  there  is  to  it. 

Brockton.  That's  all. 

Mrs.  Brockton.    That's  all! 

Ruth.  (Looks  around  room.  A  pleased  smile  of 
satisfaction  spreads  over  the  faces  of  the  Others. 
They  stretch  their  limhs  and  look   admiringly  at 


42  CHEATING   CHEATERS  acti 

Ruth,  who  sits  in  chair  l.  of  table.  She  relaxes.  A 
smile  breaks  over  her  face)  That's  all.  Well,  boys, 
it  looks  like  a  good  day's  work  for  us ! 

CURTAIN 

Second  Curtain:   Picture. 

Third  Curtain:  Company  call. 

Fourth  Curtain:  Ruth,  Tom  and  Brockton. 

Fifth  Curtain:  Ruth  and  Tom. 


ACT  TWO 

The  room  is  a  luxuriously  furnished  living  room, 
with  double  doors  at  Upper  r.  opening  into 
dining  room.  A  door  at  hack  l.c.  leading  into 
vestibule.  At  back  r.c,  a  large  double  zvindow 
opening  on  a  small  balcony  and  affording  a  view 
of  the  landscape.  Up  l.  on  the  side  is  a  large 
window  with  window-seat.  The  walls  of  the 
room  are  panelled.  One  of  the  panels  at  back, 
between  the  door  L.C.  and  windows,  being  ar- 
ranged to  slide  open  by  pressing  a  spring  in 
the  wall.  Among  the  furnishings  of  the  room, 
are  or  baby  grand  piano  down  r.  below  dining- 
room  doors.  A  large  settee  stands  against  it  in 
front.  Piano  lamp  above  it  at  back.  A  large 
mantel  and  fireplace  with  floral  box  in  opening 
stands  down  l.  A  large  comfortable  armchair 
in  front  of  the  fireplace.  A  large  rocker  stands 
near  window  l.  Library  table  stands  doivn  l.c. 
Small  settee  in  front  of  it,  a  straight-backed 
chair  back  of  it,  and  at  the  R.  of  it  another 
large  armchair.  Small  stand  and  lamp  stands 
against  wall  up  l.  Sm-ali  stand  in  window  with 
ferns  up  r.c.  Small  straight-backed  chair  up 
R.c.  near  windows. 

At  Rise:  Mrs,  Palmer  is  discovered  seated  in 
armchair  in  front  of  fireplace,  reading  book.  As 
Curtain  gets  well  up,  Grace  enters  r.,  coming 
dozvn  c. 

43 


44  CHEATING   CHEATERS  actii 

Grace.  Whew!  Oh,  dear!  Oh,  dear!  Oh,  dear! 
(Mrs.  Palmer  looks  up  from  hook.)  Another  mo- 
ment in  a  room  with  her  and  I  should  have  fallen, 
on  the  floor  from  sheer  dizziness. 

Mrs.  Palmer.   Why,  what's  the  matter? 

Grace.  (Going  to  piano  and  putting  down  her 
vanity-vase)  Chatter,  chatter,  chatter !  Nothing  but 
questions  from  the  moment  she  arrived!  (Back  to 
former  position)  Good  gracious!  She's  enough  to 
drive  one  crazy!  Just  because  her  folks  are  going 
to  build  a  new  house  when  their  present  lease  ex- 
pires, she's  preparing  herself  on  architecture.  Soi 
I  had  to  tell  her  all  about  this  place.  Describe 
every  room  in  the  house,  every  entrance  and  exit, 
where  every  hallway  leads  to,  what's  down  in  the 
basement,  where  do  the  servants  sleep?  (Puts 
hands  to  her  head,  crossing  L.j  By  this  time  I'd 
probably  be  deep  in  a  description  of  the  hardwood 
trimmings,  if  I  hadn't  invented  an  excuse  to  get 
away.    (Sits  on  settee  R.C.J 

Mrs.  Palmer.  I  hope  you  weren't  rude  to  her. 

Grace.  Don't  be  alarmed.  Tom's  little  romance 
won't  suffer  at  my  hands.  Did  you  ever  think, 
though,  it  was  in  him  to  grow  so  fond  of  any 
woman  ? 

Mrs.  Palmer.   Oh,  well,  we're  all  human. 

Tom.  (Enters  through  door  l.c.  He  is  smoking 
a  cigarette  and  comes  lazily  down  c.)  Hello — 
hello!  (Looking  around  room)  Where's  our  little 
guest  got  to? 

Grace.  (Sarcastically)  Our  little  guest  is  in  her 
nest  dolling  up  for  her  host. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  Where  have  you  been?  (Closes 
book,  rises,  puts  book  back  in  rack  on  table,  crosses 
up  to  window  l.  and  fixes  curtains.) 

Tom.   In  the  garden. 

Grace.  Hm ! — looking  for  a  nice  quiet  nook  in 
which  to  dream  of  future  bliss  with  her? 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  45 

Tom.   Now  what's  the  matter  with  you  ? 

Grace.    Oh,  nothing  that  you  could  understand. 

Tom.  (Crosses  to  l.  of  settee;  seriously)  Now, 
see  here,  Grace,  I'm  depending  on  you  to  make 
things  pleasant  for  Ruth! 

Grace.  (Rising,  crossing  in  front  of  TomJ  I've 
just  had  three-quarters  of  an  hour  with  her,  and  I 
relinquish  the  chairmanship  of  the  entertainment 
committee  to  you.  Believe  me,  you'll  find  she 
doesn't  grow  on  acquaintance.  (Crosses  to  back  of 
table.) 

Tom.   Is  that  a  fact?  Well— well 

(Ruth  enters  r.,  followed  by  Edward  Palmer,  a 
distinguished-looking  gentleman  of  about  fifty. 
She  is  charmingly  dressed  in  an  afternoon 
gown  and  carries  in  her  hand  a  small  jewel  box 
containing  two  pieces  of  jewelry.) 

Ruth.  (Coming  down  c.)  Hello,  everybody!  I 
hope  I  haven't  kept  you  waiting  long? 

Tom.  (To  l.  of  Ruth;  he  brightens  perceptibly 
on  seeing  her)  Hello,  Ruth !  I  thought  we  had  lost 
you  I  (After  greeting  her,  Mrs.  Palmer  crosses  up 
to  wnndow  r.c.) 

Ruth.  I  was  lost — out  there!  (Points  through 
R.  door)  For  the  life  of  me  I  couldn't  find  my  way 
in  that  maze  of  corridors.  Then  I  met  Mr.  Palmer 
and  he  showed  me  the  way. 

Palmer.  (Taking  a  step  down  R.C.J  Yes,  I  was 
just  starting  out  on  my  afternoon  stroll  and  ran 
into  Miss  Brockton.  (Mrs.  Palmer  works  over  to 
piano.) 

Grace.  Um ! — ^been  wandering  around  the  house  ? 

Ruth.  Yes,  tr>'ing  to  find  my  way.  But  that's 
nothing.  My  sense  of  direction  always  was  poor. 
(Sits  in  armchair  l.c.J 

Palmer.    Oh,  I'm  sorry.  Miss  Brockton,  I  was 


46  CHEATING   CHEATERS  actii 

unable  to  pay  my  respects  to  your  parents  yesterday, 
but  I  hope  to  do  so  on  their  return.  Did  they  get 
away  safely  this  afternoon?  (Tom  crosses  to  chair 
L.C.  and  sits  on  arm.) 

Ruth.  Yes,  they  must  be  well  on  their  way  to 
Chicago  by  now. 

Palmer.  (Turning  to  Mrs.  Palmerj  Mother, 
you  must  ask  them  over  to  dinner  when  they  re- 
turn. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Coming  down  to  settee  r.c,  sits) 
The  very  first  Sunday  after  they  get  back. 

Palmer.  (Turning  to  Ruth  again)  When  do 
you  expect  them? 

Ruth.  I  can't  say  to  that — Father  promised  to 
telegraph  me. 

Palmer.  Well,  we'll  try  to  keep  you  from  getting 
too  lonesome.   How  about  it,  Tom? 

Tom.   You  leave  that  to  me. 

Palmer.  (Jovially)  See  that  you  don't  shirk  the 
job.  (To  Ruth  J  Now,  if  you'll  excuse  me,  I'll  go 
for  my  usual  stroll  before  dinner.  It's  about  the 
only  exercise  I  get. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  Don't  forget,  dinner  will  be  served 
at  six-thirty. 

Palmer.  (Crossing  up  r.  toward  door)  I'll  work 
up  an  appetite  to  remind  me. 

Grace.    (Back  of  table)    So  long.  Dad. 

Palmer.  (At  door)  I'll  be  back  in  a  little  while. 
(Bowing)    Goodbye — goodbye.    (Exits  vl.) 

Ruth.  (Turning  to  Mrs.  Palmerj  Oh!  I  just 
love  this  house!  It's  just  the  sort  of  a  house  I've 
always  wanted,  and  I  shall  instruct  our  architects 
to  plan  our  home  along  the  same  lines.  Before  I 
leave  I'm  going  to  ask  you  to  show  me  through  all 
the  rooms.    (Rises;  crosses  r.  to  l.  of  settee.) 

Grace.  Tom,  a  call  for  volunteers!  Do  I  hear 
any  answer? 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  47 

Tom.  (Rising,  crosses  to  Ruthj  I'm  the  official 
guide  of  this  establishment. 

Ruth.  (Looking  up  at  hifn)  That  will  be  lovely. 
But  I'm  afraid  my  questions  will  tax  my  guide's 
patience.  Aly  experience  with  architects  has  been 
that  they're  as  stubborn  as  a  mule  about  their  own 
ideas.  (Grace  crosses  to  front  of  settee  l.c.  ;  sits.) 
I  am  going  to  prime  myself  with  a  lot  of  infor- 
mation about  this  establishment.  You'll  help  me  all 
you  can,  won't  you? 

Tom.  Ask  me  anything  you  want  to  know,  and  if 
I  can't  tell  you,  we'll  figure  it  out  from  the  diagram. 
(Crosses  to  table.) 

Ruth.    (Surprised;  crosses  to  c.)   The  diagram? 

Tom.  The  diagram  of  the  house.  It  might  be  of 
help  to  you. 

Ruth.  (Crosses  to  chair  l.c.;  sits)  I'm  sure  it 
would. 

Tom.  (Opens  drawer  and  takes  out  diagram) 
The  agent  had  it  prepared  for  us.  (Crossing  to 
Ruth,  showing  diagram)    It  shows  the  location  of 

every    room^ — its     size — what     it's    used     for 

(Ruth  starts  to  examine  it.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  Why  don't  you  take  it  with  you 
and  show  it  to  the  architect? 

Ruth.  Are  you  sure  you  can  spare  it?  (Lays 
diagram  on  table.  Smiling)  Really,  I  don't  know 
how  to  thank  you. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  By  making  yourself  entirely  at 
home.  Tell  me,  dear,  did  you  find  your  room 
thoroughly  comfortable  ? 

Ruth.  Oh,  yes,  this  will  help  me.  (Rising; 
crossing  to  Mrs.  Palmerj  Now,  Mrs.  Palmer,  you 
won't  mind  my  asking  if  it's  all  right  to  leave  this 
around  the  room?  (Holding  out  package  in  hand) 
I  just  brought  it  from  the  jewelers! 

Mrs.  Palmer.    Is  it  very  valuable? 


48  CHEATING  CHEATERS  acth 

Ruth.  Two  of  my  best  pieces.  I  had  them  reset 
from  gold  to  platinum, 

Mrs.  Palmer.  You're  perfectly  right,  dear,  not 
to  leave  them  about.  It's  never  safe  with  servants 
in  the  house.  Not  that  I  think  that  ours  are  more 
dishonest  than  the  rest  of  them,  but  it's  foolhardy  to 
throw  temptation  in  people's  way.  Here,  I'll  put 
them  with  ours.    (Holds  out  hand  for  box.) 

Ruth.    (Giving  her  box)   Thank  you  so  much! 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Crossing  to  Tom,  who  stands  L. 
c.)    Tom,  will  you  put  it  in  the  safe? 

Tom.  Immediately.  (Takes  box  and  goes  up  L. 
of  panel  in  back  wall.) 

Ruth,  (Standing  r.c.  Turning  to  Tom  j  There's 
no  hurry  about  it,  if  it's  going  to  put  you  to  any 
trouble 

Tom,  No  trouble  at  all !  The  safe  is  right  here ! 
Now  watch! 

Ruth.  (Crossing  up  r.  of  panel)  Yes,  I  will! 
(Tom  presses  spring  in  back  wall  and  panel  slides 
open,  revealing  the  iron  door  of  a  safe.  Ruth  gives 
a  start  of  surprise.) 

Grace.  (Still  on  settee,  l.c.)  What  do  you  think 
of  it? 

Ruth.  What  a  clever  idea!  (Crossing  to  settee 
R.C.)  I  should  never  have  thought  of  looking  for 
it — ^there  I 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Has  dropped  into  armchair  L.c.j 
We  used  to  keep  our  valuables  in  a  safe  deposit 
vault,  but  it  was  such  a  nuisance  having  to  dash  into 
town  every  time  you  wanted  to  wear  any  of  them. 

Grace.  Don't  you  think  this  is  much  more  con- 
venient ? 

Ruth.    Oh!    Much  more! 

Mrs.  Palmer.    And  they're  just  as  safe! 

Ruth.    (Turning  toward  her)    Are  they  really? 

Tom.   (Crosses  to  l.  of  settee  r.c.)   It  looks  easy. 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  49 

but  I'd  like  to  meet  the  thief  who  can  get  into  this 
box. 

Ruth.    Really? 

Tom.  He'd  never  forget  the  experience  if  he  sur- 
vived. 

Ruth.    (Taken  aback)    If  he  survived 

Tom.  (Points  as  he  describes;  crosses  up  to  safe) 
I'll  show  you.  You  see  this  combination?  Looks 
like  nickel — ^but  it  isn't.  (Ruth  comes  up  to  r.  of 
safe.) 

Grace.   It's  solid  copper. 

Mrs.  Palmer.    Charged  with  electricity. 

Tom.  Touch  it  and  you  take  hold  of  a  live  wire. 
We  get  the  current  from  the  heavy  feed  wire  out- 
side. Can  you  imagine  the  shock?  (Both  laugh 
heartily.) 

Ruth.  Yes,  indeed.  Can  I  imagine  the  shock?  I 
should  say  I  can  imagine  the  shock.  (Coming  down 
c.)    Would — er — wouldn't  it  be  apt  to  kill? 

Mrs.  Palmer.    Not  instantaneously. 

Ruth.   No  ? 

Grace.  But  the  torture  wouldn't  last  over  ten 
minutes. 

Ruth.  (Crosses  r.  to  settee)  I  see — sort  of  a 
lingering  death!    (Sits  on  settee  r.c.) 

Tom.  It  might  not  prove  fatal  if  the  switch  were 
turned  off  in  time. 

Ruth.   (Turning  and  looking  at  ToMJ   A  switch? 

Mrs.  Palmer.  You  see,  there's  an  alarm 
attached 

Ruth.  An  alarm? 

Tom.  (Crosses  down  to  table  uc.)  I'll  show  you. 
(Ruth  rises  and  comes  c.  Tom  takes  penholder 
from  table)  This  is  a  rubber  composition,  but  I'll 
be  on  the  safe  side.  (Takes  glass  of  water  from 
table  and  going  c.  to  Ruth,  dips  the  end  of  pen- 
holder in  water  and  placing  glass  on  table,  goes  to 
R.  of  safe.     Ruth  to  u  of  safe.     Mrs.  Palmeh 


50  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actii 

crosses  and  sits  on  settee  R.C.J  Now  it's  entirely 
non-conducting.  (He  gingerly  touches  the  end  of 
penholder  to  the  combination  lock,  giving  the  Iwndle 
a  sharp  turn.  Instantly  a  large  GONG  off  l.  sets  up 
a  deafening  clamor,  followed  by  the  SOUND  of 
people  running  in  both  sides  of  the  house.) 

Ruth.  (Startled,  leans  against  wall)  My 
gracious !    (The  Palmers  laugh  heartily.) 

(The  FOOTSTEPS  in  the  hall  draw  nearer,  sud- 
denly the  c.  door  is  thrown  open  and  Phil 
conies  dashing  on.  He  is  a  stockily  bmlt  man 
of  about  forty,  dressed  as  a  butler.) 

Phil.  (Stops  abruptly  on  seeing  Others,  and  to 
TomJ  I  beg  pardon,  sir!  (Stands  gasping  for 
breath. ) 

Tom.  (Laughing,  still  at  safe)  It's  all  right, 
Phil.    Turn  off  the  switch. 

Phil.  Yes,  sir.  (Steps  into  hall  and  turns  off 
switch.  GONG  STOPS.  He  steps  back' into  room) 
All  the  servants  are  at  their  places,  sir. 

Tom.    Tell  them  it  was  merely  a  demonstration. 

Phil.  (With  a  puzzled  look  at  All  of  them. 
They  All  laugh.)   Yes,  sir.    (Exits  l.cJ 

Mrs.  Palmer.  You  see,  dear,  the  servants  are  all 
drilled.  The  moment  that  bell  sounds,  every  avenue 
is  thoroughly  guarded. 

Ruth.  Oh,  yes,  I  could  see  that.  Quite  an 
elaborate  reception  you've  prepared.  (Coming  down 
to  c.)   Is  there  anything  else? 

Tom.  (Coming  down  c. — laughingly)  No,  that's 
all. 

Ruth.  That's  enough.  (Coming  to  back  of  chair 
L.C.J  Er — I  mean  that's  enough  to  discourage  any 
burglar.  (With  a  sigh)  I  wish  we  had  the  same 
safeguards  at  home. 

Grace.   (Interested.  Rising)  Why,  my  dear,  you 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  51 

don't  mean  to  say  that  you  leave  your  valuables  un- 
protected ? 

Ruth.  Oh !  I'm  not  a  bit  uneasy  about  them. 
We  have  a  secret  hiding-place.  Some  day  I'll  show 
it  to  you. 

Tom.  (Crosses  to  l.  of  settle  R.c.j  Now — any 
time  you  want  them — just  ask  for  them.  No  troulale 
at  all  to  get  them. 

Ruth.  I  can  see  that  now.  (To  back  of  table) 
Really,  I  shall  hate  to  tear  them  away  from  such 
good  company. 

Tom.  Would  you  like  to  see  our  collection? 
(Crosses  up  to  r.  of  safe.) 

Ruth.  (Looking  out  front  as  if  to  say  "this  is 
too  easy")  Would  I  like  to  see  them?  (Goes  to 
Tom  J    Nothing  I'd  like  better. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Rises;  moves  up  to  r.  of  safe) 
Oh,  Tom,  some  other  time.  I'm  sure  Ruth  doesn't 
want  to  see  them  now, 

Tom.  (Throwing  open  door  of  safe  again)  I 
want  her  to  see  them  now.     (Takes  out  tzvo  red 

morocco    jewel-cases)     Here,    Grace (Grace 

conies  up,  taking  case  front  Tom  ;  comes  l.  to  table, 
folloived  by  Ruth.)  Here,  Mother.  (Giving 
Mrs.  Palmer  a  case,  she  comes  down  to  the  table 
on  Ruth's  r.j 

Grace.  These  are  the  emeralds.  (Ruth  takes 
case  and  is  looking  at  them.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.    These  emeralds  are  larger, 

Ruth.  Larger?  (Quickly  puts  down  the  case  she 
is  looking  at  and  takes  the  other  one.) 

Tom.  (Coming  down  l.c.  and  moving  armchair 
to  R.  of  table.  He  brings  two  cases)  The  diamonds 
and  pearls ! 

Ruth.  (Quickly  putting  down  the  case  she  has 
and  feasting  her  eyes  on  the  case  Tom  has  opened) 
Oh!  Diamonds  and  pearls!  I  adore  diamonds  and 
pearls!    It's  a  heavenly  combination. 


52  CHEATING   CHEATERS  actii 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Proudly.  Taking  a  magnificent 
collarette  of  diamonds  and  pearls  from  case  and 
dropping  down  r.c.,  holding  it  up  so  the  lights  can 
play  on  it)   Our  piece  de  resistance ! 

Tom.  Oh,  yes,  we  are  very  fond  of  that  little 
fellow. 

Ruth.  (Admiringly,  coming  down  to  her  and 
taking  it)  It's  the  most  magnificent  thing  I've  ever 
seen!  You  must  have  had  great  trouble  matching 
these  pearls,  the  weight  and  color.  Oh,  yes,  indeed, 
it  is  very  beautiful.  I  should  be  afraid  to  own  it, 
for  fear  of  losing  it.  (Turning  to  Tom j  Did  it  cost 
a  great  deal? 

Tom.    Oh,  about  fifty  thousand  dollars. 

Ruth.  (Jokingly,  with  a  gesture  of  dismissal) 
Oh!  About  fifty  thousand  dollars.  (Crosses  to 
front  of  settee  r.c.   All  laugh.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Coming  to  her)  Try  it  on,  dear ; 
it  ought  to  be  very  becoming  to  you. 

Ruth.  (Waving  away  the  temptation)  Really — 
I — prefer ^ 

Grace.  I  know  Tom  would  love  to  see  it  on  you. 

Tom.  (Crosses  to  c.)  Please,  Ruth — as  a  favor 
to  me! 

Ruth.  (Looking  at  him.  Grace  crosses  to  front 
L.c.  of  settee;  picks  up  mirror.)  Well,  if  you  insist 
— as  a  favor  to  you.  (She  hands  the  necklace  to 
Mrs.  Palmer,  who  slips  it  around  her  throat.  She 
crosses  in  front  of  table.  Grace  holds  up  mirror. 
Ruth  takes  mirror;  crosses  l.  Mrs.  Palmer  moves 
up  to  windows  r.c.^   Oh!   It's  beautiful! 

Phil.  (Enters  l.c,  showing  Verdi  on)  Pro- 
fessor Verdi! 

Verdi.  (Standing  in  doorway,  bowing  pro- 
foundly) Good  afternoon,  ladies  and  gentlemen. 
Ah!  Pardon  my  being  late.  (Tom  crosses  up  to 
Mrs.  Palmer.  Grace  crosses  to  back  of  table. 
Comes  a  step  into  room;  gives  hat  and  cane  to  Phil, 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  53 

who  exits  l.c.  Verdi  comes  down  l.c.  to  table  and 
bowing  profoundly  to  Grace  and  Ruth,  bows  his 
head  almost  into  case  of  diamonds  and  pearls  stand- 
ing open  on  r.  end  of  table.  He  straightens  up  with 
a  start  of  surprise,  his  face  lighting  up  with  an  ex- 
pression of  supreme  satisfaction.  He  looks  to 
Ruth  and  his  eyes  catch  collarette  on  her  neck, 
giving  him  another  start.  He  exclaims)  Dio !  (He 
comes  down  to  table  again  and  bursts  into  rapturous 
Italian  over  the  jewels.) 

Grace.  (When  Verdi  has  subsided)  Oh!  Evi- 
dently, you  admire  precious  stones,  Professor? 

Verdi.  (Going  to  c.)  Aii!  Jewels  to  me — they 
are  the  poetry  of  inanimate — (Ruth  sits  on  settee 

L.C.J — things.  They  sparkle (He  turns  around, 

facing  upstage,  and  his  eyes  fall  upon  the  open  safe 
in  the  wall.  He  gives  a  gasp  of  amazement.  As  he 
do^.s  so  Mrs.  Palmer  and  Tom,  standing  at  win- 
dows R.c,  turn  toward  him,  and  he,  to  cover  his 
astonishment,  whirls  as  if  in  a  dance)   They  dance 

with  life  and  color!    They  fire  my  soul They 

inspire  me  with  music.  I  cannot  express  it  in  words. 

Ruth.  (Catching  his  eyes)  No — no — indeed. 
Never  express  it  in  words.   Express  it  in  music. 

Verdi.    (Nodding  to  her  that  he  has  caught  her 

meaning)      In   music — ^yes (Goes   to   piano; 

seats  himself)  Music,  ah!  (He  plays  over  the  sig- 
nal agreed  upon  in  previous  Act;  while  he  is  playing, 
Ruth  takes  off  collarette  and  puts  it  in  case  on 
table.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Coming  down  above  piano) 
What  was  that.  Professor?  I  don't  think  I  ever 
heard  it  before. 

Verdi.    Something  of  my  own  composition. 

Grace.  (During  the  music  has  zuorked  down  to 
settee  R.c.j  What  a  catchy  tune!  Won't  you  play 
it  for  us  again? 

Mrs.  Palmer.   Do  play  it  again. 


54  CHEATING  CHEATERS  acth 

Ruth.  (Catching  his  eyes  again)  Yes,  and  play 
it  louder. 

Verdi.  With  pleasure,  Si  Senorita.  (Verdi  again 
plays  the  signal,  playing  it  very  loud.  While  he  is 
playing,  Tom  crosses  to  the  table,  taking  jeivel  cases, 
puts  them,  in  safe,  closes  it,  pushes  button  and  the 
panel  springs  back  into  place.  As  Verdi  finishes. 
All  applaud.  He  rises  and  bowing  his  thanks  to 
them,  crosses  down  L.  and  kissing  Ruth's  hand) 
Grazie,  Senorita. 

Phil.  (Enters  l.c.  Tvith  card  on  salver,  and  com- 
ing to  Tom,  who  is  up  r.c.  with  Mrs.  PalmerJ  I 
beg  pardon,  sir. 

Tom.    (Turning  to  him)   What  is  it? 

Phil.  (Extending  salver)  A  gentleman  to  see 
you,  sir. 

Tom.    (Taking  card)    To  see  me? 

Phil.    Yes,  sir. 

Tom.  (Reading  card)  "Mr.  Morton  T.  Hanley. 
Carnegie  Hero  Foundation."  What  does  he  want 
to  see  me  about? 

Phil.    He  says  he  has  some  news. 

Tom.    Um!    Ask  him  to  come  in. 

Phil.  (Going  to  door)  Yes,  sir.  (Exits  l,c. 
Ruth  rises;  goes  to  back  of  l.c.  table.) 

Ruth.  (Coming  a  step  toward  c.  and  Verdi  go- 
ing down  L.j    Would  you  rather  see  him  alone? 

Tom.  No,  please  don't  go.  It  can't  be  anything 
important. 

(Phil  enters  l.c,  showing  on  Mr.  Hanley,  a  very 
distinguished  m^n,  whose  grey  pointed  beard 
lends  impressiveness  to  his  appearance.  Han- 
ley is  dressed  in  correct  afternoon  attire,  a 
black  cutaivay  coat,  black  vest,  striped  trousers, 
sharply  creased,  and  black  patent  leather  shoes. 
Ruth  comes  down  to  front  of  settee  L.C.J 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  55 

Phil.    (Standing  r.  of  l.c.  door)   Mr.  Hanley. 

Tom.  (Advancing  toward  Hanleyj  How  do 
you  do,  sir? 

Hanley.    Mr.  Palmer? 

Tom.   That  is  my  name. 

Hanley.  (Hands  Phil  his  hat.  Phil  takes  it  and 
exits  L.c.  Coming  down  c.  and  shaking  hands  with 
TomJ  I  am  very  glad  to  meet  you,  sir,  especially 
under  the  circumstances  which  bring  me  here.  As 
my  card  states,  I  represent  the  Carnegie  Hero 
Foundation. 

Tom.  (Indicating  chair  l.cJ  Won't  you  sit 
down? 

Hanley.  No,  thank  you.  I  am  only  staying  for  a 
moment. 

Tom.  (Turning  to  Mrs.  PalmerJ  Oh!  Mr. 
Hanley,  let  me  present  my  mother! 

Hanley.  (Bowing  to  her)  I  am  delighted,  mad- 
am! 

Tom.  (Indicating  Gracej  My  sister — Mr.  Han- 
ley !  (hidicating  Verdi,  who  stands  extreme  u) 
Professor  Verdi 

Hanley.  (Turning  and  bowing  to  Verdi^  How 
do  you  do,  sir! 

Tom.  And  Miss  Brockton — (Ruth  is  standing 
L.C.)  — Mr.  Hanley! 

Hanley.  (Taking  a  step  toward  her)  Miss 
Brockton? — Miss  Ruth  Brockton? 

Grace.    Do  you  know  Miss  Brockton? 

Hanley.  Not  personally,  but  her  name  is  on  my 
list.  I  was  about  to  motor  over  to  your  house,  Miss 
Brockton.  We  are  gathering  the  testimony  of  the 
eye  witnesses  to  Mr.  Palmer's  valorous  conduct  on 
the  occasion  of  the  sinking  of  the  passenger 
steamer,  the  Termania,  with  a  view  of  awarding 
first  prize — a  gold  medal  for  exceptional  heroism — 

Tom.  (With  an  embarrassed  air)  You're  not  go- 
ing to  pin  a  Carnegie  Hero  Medal  on  me? 


56  CHEATING  CHEATERS  act 

Hanley.   That  is  the  object  of  my  visit. 

Tom.  (Protestingly)  Honestly,  I  don't  deserve 
anything  like  that. 

Ruth.  (Taking  a  step  forward)  Don't  let  him 
underestimate  himself,  Mr.  Hanley!  Why,  during 
that  panic,  after  that  frightful  explosion,  in  the  wild 
rush  for  lifeboats — what  chance  would  the  women 
and  children  have  had  if  it  had  not  been  for  him? 
With  even  the  crew  fighting  to  save  themselves,  he 
stood  against  the  rail,  pistol  in  hand,  holding  back 
the  infuriated  mob,  and  when  the  last  boat  was 
launched,  we  saw  him,  master  of  the  situation,  re- 
signing his  own  seat  to  a  little  boy  v/ho  had  been 
separated  from  his  parents.  (In  a  more  subdued 
tone)  When  that  ship  went  down,  if  it  hadn't  been 
that  the  sea  was  calm,  and  we  saw  him  clinging  to 
a  log — he,  too,  would  have  been  lost! 

Hanley.  (Enthusiastically  crossing  and  down  to 
her)  Miss  Brockton,  your  statement  completes  our 
record  of  the  disaster.  If  you  will  be  so  good  as  to 
write  out  what  you  have  just  said,  attest  it  before 
a  notary  and  mail  it  to  us,  the  medal  will  be  quickly 
awarded. 

Ruth.   I  will  be  glad  to  do  so. 

Hanley.  Thank  you.  We  will  appreciate  it. 
(Turning  to  ToMJ  Oh!  By  the  way,  Mr.  Palmer! 
Some  day,  when  you  get  a  chance,  you  must  visit  our 
office  and  examine  the  tributes  of  your  fellow 
passengers.  Why,  there  are  statements  from  some 
of  the  most  prominent  people  of  the  country. 
There's  one  from  Doctor  Holt  that  will  do  you  good 
to  read.  (Smiling  and  turning  to  Others^  If  we 
didn't  know  that  Doctor  Holt  was  Mr.  Carnegie's 
personal  physician,  we'd  suspect  his  motive.  And 
you  ought  to  read  the  statement  from  Mr.  Pearson, 
the  President  of  the  Union  National  Bank!  But 
the  clearest  account  of  all  we  received  from  a  de- 
tective— Ferris.      (Tom    exchanges    puzzled    looks 


n   Ji 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  57 

with  Mrs.  Palmer  and  Grace.  Verdi,  the  moment 
Ferris^  name  is  mentioned,  becomes  very  much  agi- 
tated, his  eyes  take  on  a  look  of  terror,  his  legs 
tremble  and  he  gradually  moves  over  to  Ruth,  as  if 
for  protection.) 

Tom.  (Looking  at  Mrs.  Palmerj  Ferris?  Fer- 
ris? I  don't  recall  the  name  on  the  passenger  list, 
do  you,  Mother? 

Mrs.  Palmer.    No!!! 

Hanley.  He  may  have  traveled  incog.  Detectives 
often  do,  especially  when  they're  after  somebody. 
(Wevcdi  gives  a  gasp.) 

Ruth.    Have  you  seen  Mr.  Ferris? 

Hanley.    No,  not  personally. 

Ruth.    Is  he  in  the  city? 

Hanley.  Well,  that  I  don't  know.  I  called  at  his 
office  this  morning.  One  of  his  assistants  told  me 
Mr.  Ferris  was  after  an  extremely  clever  gang  of 
criminals  against  whom  he  has  been  gathering  evi- 
dence for  the  past  five  months.  He  expects  to  land 
them  all  by  the  end  of  the  week.  (Verdi,  standing 
alongside  of  Ruth,  almost  sinks  to  the  floor.  Ruth, 
feeling  him  sinking,  nudges  him  in  the  ribs  zvith  her 
elbow,  straightening  him  up.)  Then  I'm  to  have  an 
interview  with  him. 

Tom.  (Turning  to  Hanley j  Well,  please  con- 
vey my  thanks  to  Mr.  Ferris,  Doctor  Holt,  Mr. 
Pearson  and  all  the  others. 

Hanley.  I  shall  be  pleased  to  do  so.  And  I  hope 
shortly  to  have  the  honor  of  witnessing  the  formal 
presentation  of  the  medal.  We  hope  to  hear  from 
you  shortly.  (Shakes  hands  with  Tom  and  turning 
to  Others^    Good  afternoon! 

Ruth,  Grace  and  Mrs.  Palmer.  Good  after- 
noon! 

Verdi.  (Nervously  wiping  his  forehead  with  his 
handkerchief  and  crossing  over  extreme  l..)   Good 


S8  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actii 

afternoon!  Good  afternoon!  (Mrs.  Palmer  crosses 
to  back  of  piano.) 

ToM^.  Oh!  Let  me  show  you  the  way!  (He 
opens  the  l.c.  door  and  he  and  Hanley  exit,  talk- 
ing until  well  off  stage.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Mistaking  Verdi's  nervousness 
for  impatience  and  anxiety  to  get  at  music  lesson. 
To  RuTHJ  We  mustn't  keep  you  from  your  music 
lesson  any  longer.  I  know  the  Professor  is  getting 
impatient.  (To  Grace^  Come,  come.  (Starts  for 
door  R.) 

Grace.  All  right,  Mother.  (Mrs.  Palmer  exits 
R.,  Grace  turning  to  Ruth  and  Verdi.) 

Ruth.  Don't  forget,  Grace,  bridge  later.  (Sits 
on  settee  uc.) 

Grace.   I  know,  dear.   See  you  later.   (Exits  r.^ 

Verdi.  (Crossing  around  above  table  and  watch- 
ing them,  then  comes  down  l.c.  to  end  of  table) 
Ferris!  He  followed  you  over  on  the  boat.  Why, 
that  means  he  is  laying  a  trap  for  us.  And  every- 
thing was  just  coming  our  way. 

Ruth.  (Sharply)  Tony — wait  a  minute.  (Mo- 
tions him  to  close  double  doors  R..  He  does  so  and 
comes  back  to  end  of  table.) 

Verdi.  (Excitedly,  but  in  a  quiet  voice)  What 
are  we  going  to  do? 

Ruth.  (Gazing  straight  in  front  of  her,  think- 
ing for  a  moment)  Get  those  jewels  out  of  that 
safe  tonight. 

Verdi.    (In  surprise)    Regardless  of  Ferris? 

Ruth.    (Decisively)    Regardless  of  everything. 

Verdi.  (Showing  a  desire  to  drop  everything  and 
get  away)  But  if  Ferris  trailed  you  on  the  boat,  it 
is  certain  that  he  knows  that  we  are  in  here,  and 
why  we  are  here.  Suppose  he  gets  us  while  we  are 
pulling  off  the  job? 

Ruth.  We  won't  be  any  worse  off  than  we  are 
now. 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  59 

Verdi.   What  do  you  mean? 

Ruth.  Two  of  the  Stuyvesant  pieces  are  in  that 
safe. 

Verdi.  (Throwing  up  his  hands)  Oh,  Dio! 
Why,  that  is  more  than  plenty  to  convict  us  all. 
(Almost  crying)  And  you  hand  them  the  evidence 
yourself !  (Takes  step  toward  c,  then,  getting  an- 
other thought,  turns  toward  Ruth,  with  a  startled 
exclamation)  Oh!  I  just  thought  of  something! 
(Takes  step  toward  her)  Suppose — suppose  that 
Ferris,  he  tipped  off  Mr.  Palmer,  told  him  you  were 
a  crook — (Ruth  gives  a  start) — ^that  everything 
you  do  is  simply  to  rob  him — suppose  he  tells  him 
that  and  induces  Mr.  Tom  to  trap  us? 

Ruth,  (Highly  agitated.  Rising)  Tony,  Tony 
— don't,  don't,  it's  terrible.  Isn't  that  funny?  That 
same  thought  just  crossed  my  mind.  (Crosses 
Verdi  to  c.)  Why,  their  readiness  in  showing  me 
the  safe,  the  combination.  (Turns  and  taking  hold 
of  Verdi's  coat)  Why  were  they  so  free  with  their 
confidences?  Parading  the  jewels  before  me?  The 
more  I  think  about  it,  the  more  significant  it  looks. 
(Goes  down  front  of  settee  Bi.c.) 

Verdi,  (c.  Throwing  up  hands)  Ferris!  Fer- 
ris !  Over  five  hundred  people  go  down  on  that  boat 
and  it  is  our  misfortune  to  have  him  saved! 

Ruth.  Oh !  I  wonder  what  kind  of  a  game  he  is 
trying  to  play  on  us.  He  seemed  sincere  enough. 
(Phil  knocks  gently  at  l.c.  door.  Verdi  crosses  to 
piano.    Ruth  crosses  to  l.c.^    Come  in. 

Phil.  (Enters;  comes  down  L.c.j  I  beg  your 
pardon.  Miss  Brockton.  Your  butler  is  calling.  He 
says  you  forgot  to  bring  your  mesh-bag.  Shall  I 
take  it? 

Ruth.  No,  just  have  him  bring  it  in!  (Crosses 
to  R.  of  settee  l.c.  J 

Phil.  Yes,  ma'am.  (He  goes  to  L.C.  door;  calling 


6o  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actii 

down  hall)  This  way.  (Steps  in;  stands  at  r.  of 
door  until  Wilson  comes  in.) 

Wilson.  You  overlooked  this,  Miss  Brockton,  so 
I  took  the  liberty  of  bringing  it  over.  (Ruth  moves 
a  little  to  R.  Phil  exits  l.c.  ;  closes  door.  The  in- 
stant the  door  is  closed  Wilson's  manner  changes; 
coming  down  c.)    I  got  the  signal! 

Ruth.  (Coming  quickly,  taking  plans  from  table 
and  opening  them,  holds  them  in  front  of  Wilson^ 
All  right.   Here's  the  layout  of  the  house. 

Wilson.  (With  a  start  of  surprise)  Why,  how 
did  you 

Ruth.  Never  mind  how  I  got  it — ^there's  no  time 
to  explain  now.  (Points  to  diagram  as  she  speaks) 
Here's  my  room — two  flights  up.  The  first  two  win- 
dows from  the  front.  (Verdi  is  on  the  r.,  Ruth  l. 
and  Wilson  c,  aJl  looking  at  plans.)  Both  of  you 
be  in  the  hedges  at  midnight.  When  you  see  me 
wave  a  handkerchief  in  front  of  the  window,  you 
ccme  in  by  way  of  the  balcony. 

Wilson.    All  right,  but  where  is  the  little  box? 

Verdi.  (Turning  and  pointing  to  panel)  Behind 
that  panel.  And  as  easy  as  opening  a  can  of  sar- 
dines. 

Ruth.  (Crossing  up  to  panel.  Verdi  watches 
door  R.)  Watch.  (Presses  button  and  panel  slides 
back,  revealing  safe.  Wilson  reaches  for  handle  of 
safe.  Ruth  grabs  his  extended  hand  with  her  l. 
hand  and  pushes  button  closing  panel  with  her  r. 
hand)  Wait  a  minute!  (Moves  cautiously  to  l.c. 
door,  and  opening  it  just  a  trifle,  beckons  to  Wil- 
son, who  comes  up  behind  her.  She  points  to  switch 
in  hall,  then  closing  door,  comes  down  c.  Verdi  on 
her  R.,  Wilson  l.,  she  puts  her  hands  on  their  shoul- 
ders) Steve,  that  combination  is  charged  with  elec- 
tricity. That  was  the  switch.  Whatever  you  do,  be 
sure  to  turn  off  the  juice  before  monkeying  with 
the  combination.  (Indicating  hall  L.C.) 


ACTH  CHEATING   CHEATERS  6i 

Wilson.   You  bet  I  won't  forget  that  little  thing. 

Ruth.  Now,  another  thing!  I  want  all  of  you 
to  come  over  in  the  car — a  little  before  midnight. 
Nell  and  George  are  to  stay  in  the  car,  about  a 
mile  down  the  road.  And  above  all,  have  everything 
ready  in  case  we  have  to  make  a  quick  getaway. 
Now  is  that  clear? 

Wilson.   I  got  you! 

Ruth.  (Handing  him  diagram  of  house)  Put 
this  in  your  pocket.  If  anything  happens  to  change 
the  plans,  I'll  get  word  over  to  you  and  Tony. 

Wilson.  (Slowly  and  with  emphasis)  Well,  you'd 
better  see  that  nothing  does  happen! 

Ruth.    What   do  you  mean? 

Wilson.  I  mean  that  any  interference,  espe- 
cially   from   him Well,    I'm   not   taking   any 

chances  tonight.    (Reaches  to  hip  pocket  for  gun.) 

Ruth.  (Putting  her  hand  on  his  arm  and  stop- 
ping him)  Don't  pull  that  tonight.  Don't  forget 
that  in  anything  you  do  we're  your  accomplices. 
Do  you  want  us  all  to  be  taken  for  murder? 

Wilson.  Well,  you  know  my  sentiments.  (Tom 
turns  the  knob  on  l.c.  door  and  opens  it  and  enters. 
The  other  Three  relax  into  natural  attitudes.  Verdi 
crosses  to  piano.)  I  thought  you  might  need  it. 
(Handing  her  mesh  bag.) 

Ruth.  (Taking  bag)  Thank  you,  Wilson.  It  was 
very  thoughtful  of  you.  (Crosses  down  r.c.  and 
sits  on  settee.   Wilson  exits  l.c.  and  closes  door.) 

Tom.  (Coming  down  to  table  l.c.)  I  hope  I 
haven't  butted  into  anything. 

Ruth.    (Smiling  at  him)    Not  at  all. 

Tom.  (Coming  to  front  of  table)  I  didn't  hear 
any  music,  so  I  thought  perhaps  you  had  post- 
poned the  lesson. 

Verdi.  (Who  has  been  standing  near  piano,  com- 
ing down  to  settee  R.c.j  Yes,  Miss  Brockton  she 
feels  fatigue  today — she  has  been  working  so — so 


62  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actii 

I  return  tomorrow.    (Takes  her  hand  and  kisses  it.) 

Tom.    (Coming  l.c. j   Won't  you  stay  for  dinner  ? 

Verdi.  (All  smiles  now)  Thank  you.  I  should 
feel  highly  honored,  but  unfortunately  I  have  an- 
other appointment,  so  I  will  have  to  ask  you  to  ex- 
cuse me  this  time. 

Tom.   Then  perhaps  some  other  time? 

Verdi.  Some  other  time  I  shall  be  most  de- 
lighted. (Turning  to  Ruth^  I  hope  you  are  bet- 
ter tomorrow.  (Bows;  goes  to  l.c.  door.  Tom  fol- 
lows him  up.  Verdi  turns  at  door  and  bows  elabor- 
ately) Au  revoir !  Au  revoir !  (Exits  l.c.  and  closes 
door.) 

Tom.  (Turning  and  coming  down  to  end  of  set- 
tee R.C.)    He's  a  peculiar  little  fellow. 

Ruth.    Yes,  isn't  he? 

Tom.  So  you  like  our  house,  eh,  Ruth? 

Ruth.  Why,  I  just  love  it.  Anyone  with  half  an 
eye  must  admire  the  way  everything  is  arranged. 
Tell  me,  how  did  you  come  to  select  this  place  ? 

Tom.  I  saw  it  advertised  in  one  of  the  papers. 
After  living  most  of  our  lives  in  the  West,  we 
couldn't  get  used  to  these  cubbyhole  apartments  in 
New  York.  But  do  you  know,  I  don't  care  much 
for  this  place 

Ruth.  Don't  you  like  it?  I  think  it  is  so  com- 
fortable— so  roomy. 

Tom.  It's  neither  city  nor  country — ^it's  just  sub- 
urban. The  only  thing  that  has  kept  me  here  since 
we  got  back  has  been — you!  (Leans  on  arm  of 
settee.) 

Ruth.    (Surprised)   I? 

Tom.  Yes.  I'd  have  been  at  Palm  Beach  by  now. 
I  only  stayed  on  because  of  the  chance  to  be  near 
you. 

Ruth.  Then,  except  for  me,  you'd  have  found  it 
rather  dreary  up  here? 


ACT  II  CHEATING  CHEATERS  63 

Tom.  What's  there  up  here  for  anybody?  Oh,  I 
hate  the  city  and  its  whole  environment.  (Sits  l. 
of  RuTHJ  Even  in  its  merriment,  there  is  always 
something  shrill  and  harsh.  Haven't  you  found  it 
so? 

Ruth.  (Dreamily)  Yes,  I  wish  I  could  get  away 
from  here  myself. 

Tom.  I  wish  we  were  far  away  from  here.  Down 
South  among  the  flowers  and  the  light  of  the  tropi- 
cal sun.  Haven't  you  ever  dreamed  of  that  bright- 
ness? (Grace  opens  the  door  r.  She  stands  silent, 
overhearing  the  proposal.) 

Ruth.  Yes — I  have  dreamed  of  it  often,  and  I've 
thought  a  lot,  too,  of  the  shock  of  awakening. 

Tom.  (Ardently)  Ruth,  I  love  you  so  devotedly 
there's  nothing  in  the  world  I  wouldn't  do  for  you, 
nothing  I  wouldn't  give  you,  nothing  I  ever  want 
to  do  except  to  devote  myself  to  your  happiness. 
Ruth,  dear,  will  you  be  my  wife?  (After  darting  a 
quick,  meaning  glance  toward  them,  Grace  with- 
draws, unobserved  by  Tom  and  Ruth,  closing  the 
door  noiselessly  behind  her.) 

Ruth.  (Trying  to  control  her  emotions)  Your 
wife  ? 

Tom.  Yes,  we  can  be  married  and  go  away  to- 
morrow or  tonight.  We  can't  get  away  from  here 
too  soon  to  suit  me. 

Ruth.  (Trying  to  evade  answering  him)  How 
can  you  think  of  leaving  so  abruptly? 

Tom.   What  is  there  up  here  for  me  except  you  ? 

Ruth.    Why  this  pressing  anxiety? 

Tom.  Ruth,  I  just  feel  I  can't  live  another  day 
without  you.  Just  tell  me  that  you  love  me — that 
you  care 

Ruth.  I  can't  tell  you  that — now!  (Rises)  No, 
I  haven't  the  right  to. 

Tom.   No  right  to?  Why  not? 


64  CHEATING  CHEATERS  acth 

Ruth.    (Crosses  to  c,  turning  to  ToMJ   No.   No, 

I  haven't  the  right,  Tom Suppose  I  had  kept 

something  hidden  from  you?    Suppose  there  was 
something  in  my  past 

Tom.  (Rises;  comes  to  Ruth;  pleadingly)  Oh, 
don't  be  ridiculous,  Ruth!  What  can  there  be  in 
the  past  of  a  girl  like  you?  At  the  worst,  some 
girlish  prank  that  looks  appalling  to  you  but  doesn't 
amount  to  shucks. 

Ruth.  What  do  you  regard  as  merely  a  childish 
prank  ? 

Tom.  I  haven't  the  faintest  idea  what  is  lurking 
in  that  terrible  past  of  yours,  but  no  matter  what  it 
is,  it  can't  make  any  difference  to  me.  I'd  take  you 
if,  instead  of  the  best,  you  were  the  worst  woman 
in  the  world.  No  matter  what  you  were,  or  what 
you  had  done,  it  couldn't  alter  my  feelings  for  you. 
And  all  I  want  is  to  hear  you  say  that  you'll  marry 
me.   Ruth,  will  you? 

Ruth.    (With  an  effort  to  control  her  feelings) 

Tom Oh,  I  wish — I  just  wish  you  hadn't  asked 

me.   It  makes  it  so  difficult — it  makes  everything  so 
hard.  And  I  can't  explain.  I  can  only  say  I  can't  do 
it — no,  I  can't  marry  you  now. 
Tom.     Not  marry  me?     Is  it  because  you  don't 
care? 

Ruth.  No,  it  isn't  that.  It  just  can't  be,  that's  all. 
(Crosses  to  i^.) 

Tom.  (Following)  Can't  be?  And  only  a  mo- 
ment ago  I  felt  so  sure  of  you!  (He  looks  about 
in  a  dazed  way)  Have  I  been  a  fool  and  taken 
things  for  granted?  Why,  I  felt  as  if  I  had  your 
promise. 

Ruth.  (Turning  to  him)  Was  it  from  anything 
that  I  have  ever  said? 

Tom.  Oh,  a  girl  doesn't  have  to  say  it.  There 
are  unspoken  promises  on  which  others  build,  and 
the  disappointment  hurts.    Yes,  Ruth,  it  hurts. 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  65 

Ruth.  Tom,  Fm  sorry  if  I  have  done  anything 
to  hurt  you.  I'm  so  very,  very  sorry.  I  wouldn't 
hurt  you  for  anything  in  the  world.    (Tom  stands 

L.C.J 

Palmer.  (VOICE  is  heard  off  r.)  You  see, 
Mother,  I  wasn't  late  for  dinner  after  all.  (Ruth 
crosses  down  extreme  l.  below  table.  Tom  comes 
front  of  table.  The  doors  r.  open  and  Grace  enters, 
follozved  by  Mrs.  Palmer  and  Palmer,  in  the  order 
named.  Grace  comes  down  to  Tom.  Mrs.  Palmer 
crosses  l.,  above  table.   Palmer  stops  up  c.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (As  she  enters)  Hello !  Where's 
the  Professor? 

Palmer.  I  saw  the  Professor  leaving,  so  I  sup- 
posed the  lesson  was  finished. 

Grace.  (At  Tom's  r.^  I  hope  we  haven't  inter- 
rupted anything? 

Tom.  (Confused,  darting  a  glance  of  annoyance 
at  her,  crosses  to  c.)  Not  one  little  thing.  (Grace 
crosses  up  l.  behind  table.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Up  l.c.^  Dinner  will  be  served 
in  ten  minutes. 

Ruth.  Ten  minutes — I  must  hurry.  (Crosses  to 
settee  r.c.  and  picks  up  mesh  bag)  I  want  to  dress 
for  dinner.  (Going  toward  door  r.^  Will  you  ex- 
cuse me? 

Mrs.  Palmer.  Don't  hurry,  dear.  A  few  min- 
utes won't  make  any  difference.  (Ruth  exits  r. 
Grace  goes  to  lower  l.  end  of  table.  Mrs.  Palmer 
back  of  table.  Tom  takes  a  few  steps  up  stage  and 
gazes  after  Ruth.  Palmer  crosses  and  closes  r. 
doors.  Tom  turns  to  find  the  Two  Women  looking 
at  him  across  the  table.  Tom  comes  down  c,  mov- 
ing his  fingers  nervously.  The  atmosphere  has 
changed  nozv  to  one  of  suppressed  excitement.  The 
L.C.  door  flies  open  and  Phil  excitedly  dashes  an 
and  comes  on  Tom's  l.) 


66  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actii 

Phil.  Say,  Grace  told  me  about  Ferris.  How 
the  devil  did  he  get  onto  us? 

Palmer.  How  did  he  locate  us? 

Grace.  (Crosses  around  l.  to  front  of  table — to 
Philj  What's  the  difference  now?  (To  Tom^ 
Are  we  going  to  stick  around  here  till  he  gets  us? 

Phil.  (Turning  to  ToMJ  Why,  by  this  time 
he  has  probably  connected  us  with  every  job  we 
ever  pulled  off. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Back  of  table)  My  God !  After 
waiting  around  all  this  time,  are  we  going  away  with 
only  two  of  her  pieces? 

Palmer.  (Going  to  Tom's  r.^  Listen.  We  fol- 
lowed you  on  here  from  the  West  because  you  said 
the  picking  was  better.  Well,  we  haven't  picked 
up  a  damn  thing  since  we've  been  here,  and  now 
we're  liable  to  be  picked  up  ourselves. 

Phil.  Yes,  and  we've  just  been  eating  our  heads 
off  for  a  crack  at  those  Brockton  stones. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  I  had  my  eye  on  that  pearl  neck- 
lace from  the  first  time  I  saw  Mrs.  Brockton  wear 
it.  It  must  be  worth  thirty  thousand  dollars  at 
the  least. 

Grace.  And  between  her  and  Ruth  they've  worn 
over  twenty  thousand  dollars*  worth  of  other  jtmk. 
Are  we  going  to  leave  that  behind? 

Phil.  Why,  it  would  be  like  making  them  a  pres- 
ent of  it.    (Takes  a  few  steps  up  l.c.J 

Grace.  Yes,  and  all  because  of  your  love  affair. 
(Tom  gives  her  a  quick,  angry  look.  Crossing  to 
Tom)  Oh,  you  needn't  look  at  me  like  that.  I  heard 
you  asking  her  to  marry  you.  Why,  you  poor  boob, 
what  chance  do  you  think  you've  got  with  her? 
If  she  doesn't  know  you  are  a  crook,  she  will  know 
it,  and  then  what'll  she  do?  Why,  she'll  run  from 
you  like  she  was  escaping  from  a  wild  animal. 

Mrs.  Palmer.   What  are  you  going  to  do? 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  67 

Phil.  (Taking  a  step  down  and  throwing  Grace 
around  to  his  l.  and  facing  Tom.  Grace  to  back  of 
table.)   Yes,  come  on — let's  have  a  showdown. 

Palmer.  (Down  r.,  taking  a  step  toward  Tom^ 
What  are  we  going  to  do? 

Tom.  (Driven  to  speaking  at  last)  What  the 
hell  do  you  think  we're  going  to  do?  (He  looks 
defiantly  around,  and  from  now  on  until  Curtain 
takes  charge  of  the  situation  and  dominates  it. 
Turns  to  Phil^  Phil,  you  and  I  clean  out  that 
Brockton  house  tonight. 

Palmer.   What  about  me? 

Tom.  (Turning  to  him)  You  stay  here  and  look 
after  the  woman. 

Phil.  (Pleased  at  the  turn  affairs  have  taken) 
Good !   Have  you  located  where  they  keep  the  stuff  ? 

Tom.  No,  and  we  haven't  time  to  find  out.  She 
dropped  a  hint  that  the  stones  were  all  there,  and 
we  know  there's  no  one  in  the  house  except  the 
butler.  H  he  won't  tell  willingly  where  the  treas- 
ure-chest is (With  a  meaning  look  at  Phil^  he 

crosses  down  l.)  I  guess  we  know  how  to  make 
him.  (Phil  turns  up  stage,  allowing  Tom  to  pass 
in  front  of  him.) 

Palmer.  (At  r,  end  of  settee,  r.c.^  What's  the 
dope  after  we  get  the  stones? 

Tom.     (Turning   and   facing   up    stage)    South 

America (Phil    stops   and    turns.)     Buenos 

Ayres Now,  sit  down,  all  of  you.    (He  goes 

up  c,  gets  chair  and  places  it  down  c.  Phil  and 
Palmer  sit  on  settee,  l.c.  Mrs.  Palmer  near 
fireplace  and  Grace  behind  table,  l.c  j  Now,  we're 
nailed  the  moment  one  of  those  stones  shows  its 
face  on  the  market  up  here. 

Phil.    You  can  bet  we  are. 

Tom.  The  war  closes  Europe,  but  there  are  lots 
of  rich  ginks  down  in  South  America,  and  they're 


68  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actii 

getting  richer  every  day.    So  get  ready  to  scatter 
the  minute  we  pull  off  the  job. 

Palmer.  Who's  going  to  take  charge  of  the 
swag? 

Tom.   None  of  us. 

All.  (Startled)  What? 

Tom.  We'll  pack  it  in  a  box  and  ship  it  by  ex- 
press to  Rio  Janeiro.  (Looks  around  at  them)  Isn't 
that  all  right?  (All  rise  and  talk  at  once  in  an- 
swering.) 

Phil.    I  don't  know  about  that. 

Mrs.  Palmer.   I  don't  think  so. 

Grace.   I  should  say  not.  >  (Together) 

Palmer.   I  hate  to  see  it  get  out  of 
our  hands. 

(WARN  Curtain.) 

Tom.  In  case  of  trouble,  we  don't  want  it  found 
o«  us,  do  we?  (All  settle  down  again.  Hold  po- 
sitions until  Curtain.) 

Palmer.   I  guess  you're  right. 

Tom.  (Turning  to  each  as  he  addresses  them.  To 
Mrs.  Palmer^  Now,  you  and  Grace  travel  by  the 
way  of  'Frisco.  Phil,  you  and  Ed  go  by  way  of 
New  Orleans.  I'll  follow  by  the  way  of  Panama. 
To  avoid  suspicion,  you  and  Grace  are  a  couple  of 
tourists  traveling  for  your  health.  Phil,  you  and 
Ed  are  sent  down  there  to  look  over  the  cattle 
country,  and  I'll  go  down  and  open  a  first-class 
jewelry  store.  Now  have  you  got  that  in  your 
heads  ? 

Mrs.  Palmer.   I  understand. 

Grace.  Thank  Heaven,  we  get  away  from  here 
at  last! 

Phil.    You've  said  something. 

Tom.  Well,  that's  all  there  is  to  it.  (Lights  ciga- 
rette.) 

Palmer.  That's  all. 


ACT  II  CHEATING   CHEATERS  69 

Grace.    I  hope  so. 

Tom.    Well,  it  looks  like  a  good  day's  work  for 
us! 

CURTAIN 

Second  Curtain:  Picture. 
Third  Curtain:   Company. 
Fourth  Curtain:  Ruth  and  Tom. 


ACT  THREE 

The  home  of  the  Brocktons,  late  the  same  night. 
The  Curtain  rises  on  a  dark  stage.  After  a  mo- 
ment Phil  comes  from>  l.  outside  the  house 
and  peers  through  the  window.  He  pries  up 
the  window  and  the  sound  of  breaking  wood  is 
heard.  He  raises  window  and  cautiously  en- 
ters, flashes  light  around  the  room  and  comes 
a  few  steps  down  c.  Phil  moves  to  r.,  then 
quickly  goes  l.,  turns,  waves  his  hand  as  a  sig- 
nal for  Tom,  then  crouches  down  front  of 
piano.  Tom  appears  outside,  climbs  through 
window  and  comes  down  c.  Phil  goes  back  to 
window  and  closes  it;  cofnes  down  again  and 
goes  to  door  l.2.  Tom  goes  to  door  r.i,  opens 
it  and  flashes  lamp  through  it.  As  he  turns 
back  he  sees  telephone  on  stand  below  door  and 
starts  to  cut  the  connection.  Phil  opens  door 
L.2  and  a  stream  of  light  from  hall  lamp  comes 
into  room,  startling  them,  and  they  drop  to 
floor  quickly.  Phil  closes  door  quietly  and 
goes  to  door  l.i,  opening  it  and  flashing  lamp 
through  doorway.  Tom  finishes  cutting  the 
connections  on  the  phone.  FOOTSTEPS  are 
heard  off  r.c,  approaching.  Tom  goes  quickly 
up  stage;  looks  off  r.c.  Then  he  hurriedly 
exits  R.I,  Phil  comes  up  c.  and  crouches  by 
baby  grand  piano.  Wilson  enters  from  r.c. 
He  goes  to  lamp  on  stand  up  r.  and  lights  it. 
BABY  SPOT  from  r.c.  covers  him,  and  one 
from  r.i  on  table  r.c.  He  opens  door  in  lamp 
and  takes  wallet  containing  jewels  from  lamp 
70 


ACTiii  CHEATING  CHEATERS  71 

and  comes  down  to  table.  He  is  just  about  to 
open  wallet  when  Phil  comes  from  under  the 
piano  toward  him  and  Tom  from  door  r.i  with 
revolver  leveled  at  him. 

Tom.   Put  up  your  hands! 

Wilson.  (Startled,  jumps  back  and  puts  up 
hands)    What's  the  idea?    (Tries  to  grab  jewels.) 

Tom.  (Starting  toward  him)  No,  you  don't! 
Keep  them  up.  (Phil  grabs  Wilson  by  the  arms 
and  pulls  him  away  from  the  table.) 

'Wilson.  (Recognizing  ToMJ  You!  I  got  it! 
That's  the  frame-up,  eh?  She  sent  you  for  them, 
did  she? 

Tom.  Yes,  she  sent  me.  (To  Philj  See  if  he's 
got  a  gun ! 

Phil.  (Pulling  gun  from  Wilson's  pocket  and 
looking  at  it)   Automatic — 1916  model. 

Tom.  (Crosses  up  and  puts  out  lamp.  BABY 
SPOTS  off)  He  beheves  in  preparedness.  (Comes 
down  to  Wilson  j  Now,  Hsten — we're  here  strictly 
on  business,  and  we're  in  an  awful  hurry.  So  an- 
swer us  the  briefest  you  know  how.  (Points  to 
jewels)    Where's  the  rest  of  them? 

Wilson.    (Loudly)    Go  look  for  them  yourself! 

Tom.  Sh !  Now  be  a  good  boy,  unless  you  want 
to  make  business  for  the  undertaker.  (Starts  to 
take  jewels  from  the  table.) 

Wilson.  (Loudly)  Say,  what  are  you  going  to 
do  with  them? 

Tom.  (To  Phil^  Put  the  muffler  on  him! 
(Phil  takes  muffler  from  pocket  with  one  hand  and 
throwing  Wilson  around  and  down  r.,  is  about  to 
gag  him  when  Brockton  and  Verdi,  attracted  by 
Wilson's  loud  talking,  appear  in  doorway  r.c., 
Brockton  with  revolver  in  hand.  Verdi  presses 
switch  at  r.  of  doorway  and  the  room  is  suddenly  a 


72  CHEATING  CHEATERS  act  in 

blaze  of  LIGHT.  Brackets  and  white  and  amber  in 
foots  and  concert  border  full  on.) 

Brockton.  Throw  up  your  hands!  (Tom,  who 
is  at  table,  and  Phil,  who  is  struggling  with  Wil- 
son down  L.,  turn  with  startled  exclamations  and 
raise  their  hands  above  their  heads.  Brockton,  see- 
ing jewels  on  table)  We'll  take  charge  of  those 
just  to  avoid  accidents.  Tony,  get  his  gun.  (Verdi 
takes  gun  from  Tom  and  crosses  and  stands  guard 
at  door  L.2.)  Wilson,  get  his!  (Indicating  Phil. 
Wilson  takes  his  own  gun  and  Phil's  from  Phil 
and  backs  down  in  front  of  settee,  leaving  Phil  be- 
tween settee  and  piano.  Brockton  to  TomJ  Now 
stand  away  from  that  table!  (Takes  wallet  from 
table  and  puts  it  in  his  pocket.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Enters  r.c.,  carrying  burglar 
kit.  Tom  crosses  to  L.c.j  Why,  George,  what  was 
all  the  noise  about?    (Sees  Tom  and  looks  at  him 

in  amazement)   You (Puts  kit  at  foot  of  steps 

and  comes  down  to  r.  of  table.) 

Tom.  (Who  has  moved  down  c.  and  stands  with 
his  back  to  audience,  very  cool  and  collected)  How 
do  you  do,  Mrs.  Brockton? 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Now,  what's  the  meaning  of 
this? 

Tom.  (Smiling  and  moving  up  c,  facing  them) 
I  suppose  you're  all  wondering  what  we're  doing 
here?  Well,  it's  easily  explained.  Miss  Brockton 
was  worried  about  her  jewels,  and  sent  us  to  fetch 
them. 

Brockton  and  Mrs.  Brockton.  (Startled) 
What?  (Verdi  stands  looking  at  Tom  with  amazed 
expression.  Wilson  smiles  and  nods  his  head  at 
Brockton  as  if  to  say,  "I  told  you  so.") 

Tom.  Luckily,  we  got  here  just  in  time  to  dis- 
cover him — (Turning  and  indicating  Wilson^ 
— ransacking  the  house. 

Phil.    (Taking  a  step  down  stage)   Yes,  in  an- 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  73 

other  minute  he'd  have  been  on  his  way  with  them. 

Brockton.  (Anxiously,  to  ToMJ  You  say  that 
Ruth  sent  you  for  them? 

Tom.  Yes,  and  I'm  glad  for  her  sake  that  we 
arrived  when  we  did! 

Wilson.  (Starting  for  Tom^  Why,  damn  you, 
didn't  you 

Brockton.  (Cothing  down  c,  puts  up  his  hand, 
stopping  Wilsonj  Stay  where  you  are.  I'm  tak- 
ing charge  of  this.  (To  ToMJ  Strange  we  didn't 
hear  you  coming  in.  Isn't  it  customary  on  enter- 
ing a  house  to  ring  the  bell  ? 

Tom.  Naturally — ^but  you  see,  we  didn't  expect 
to  find  you  at  home.  We  thought  you  were  on  your 
way  to  Chicago (His  voice  trails  off  as  the  in- 
explicable circumstances  of  the  Brocktons  being  at 
home  daums  on  him.) 

Brockton.  (Sees  his  puzzled  expression  and 
hastens  to  explain)  Yes,  yes,  so  we  were,  but  we 
were  intercepted  at  Albany  by  a  telegram  saying 
the  case  has  been  postponed.  Didn't  Ruth  receive 
our  wire? 

Tom.   No.   I'm  quite  sure  she  didn't. 

Brockton.  (Exchangittg  look  with  Mrs.  Brock- 
TONJ  Then  I  had  better  call  her  up  at  once.  (Starts 
down  R.  to  phone)  What's  your  number?  (Mrs. 
Brockton  moves  up.  Phil  comes  down  to  l.  of 
Tom.) 

Tom.    One-three-three. 

Brockton.  (Taking  phone)  Hello — hello — 
hello!  (Phil  makes  a  movement  as  if  to  say  some- 
thing and  Tom  stops  him  with  a  look.)    I  don't 

seem  able  to  get  an  answer (Presses  the  hook 

up  and  down  again,  then  looking  down  near  floor, 
sees  that  it  has  been  disconnected)  Why,  the  wires 
have  been  disconnected. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Comes  down  r.  of  table;  looks 
accusingly  at  ToMJ   Maybe  someone  cut  the  wires! 


74  CHEATING  CHEATERS  act  in 

(Tom  and  Phil  turn  accusingly  tozvard  Wilson,  j 

Tom.  It  wouldn't  surprise  me  in  the  least.  Isn't 
that  the  first  thing  they  usually  do?  Before  we're 
through,  the  chances  are  we'll  find  out  that  this 
man — (Pointing  to  Wilsonj  — is  a  dangerous 
criminal.  My  car  is  outside.  Don't  you  think  I 
had  better  go  for  the  Police? 

Brockton.  (Quickly  crosses  back  to  l.  of  table) 
We  won't  be  in  any  hurry  about  the  Police.  It 
might  be  wiser  first  to  hear  what  Ruth  has  to  say. 
(Turns  to  Mrs.  Brocktonj  Don't  you  think  so. 
Mother  ? 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Shuddering.  Taking  a  step  or 
two  down  R.J  By  all  means.  I  always  hate  any 
dealings  with  the  Police. 

Tom,  Perhaps  you're  right.  He  can't  get  away 
and  there's  no  haste  about  deciding  what  to  do  with 
him.  So  come  on,  Phil.  We'll  drive  Mrs.  Brock- 
ton right  over.    (He  and  Phil  start  to  go.) 

Brockton.  Oh,  before  you  go,  hadn't  you  bet- 
ter let  me  have  the  key  to  the  house  ? 

Tom.    (Turning  to  him)   The  key  ? 

Brockton.  If  Ruth  sent  you  for  the  jewels,  she 
must  have  given  you  the  key. 

Tom.  (Thinking  quickly;  crosses  to  c.)  Yes,  she 
did  give  it  to  me — but  the  fact  is,  I  misplaced  it.  I 
thought  I  had  put  it  in  my  pocket — I  never  missed  it 

until  I  got  here That's  always  the  way — ^you 

never  do  miss  a  thing  till  you  try  to  find  it. 

Brockton,    Well,  how  did  you  get  in? 

Tom.  I  must  explain.  Miss  Brockton  had  a  pre- 
monition about  this  fellow.  (Pointing  to  Wilson^ 
And  when  we  arrived  here  I  saw  a  light  through 
the  shade  and  a  figure  moving  about.  Of  course, 
I  wasn't  sure  of  what  was  going  on,  but  I  decided 
if  he  was  up  to  anything  I'd  catch  him  unawares. 
And  having  misplaced  the  key,  we  came  through 
the  window. 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  75 

Brockton.  (Sternly)  Do  you  often  enter 
houses  that  way? 

Tom.    (Indignantly)    Are  you  intimating 

Brockton.  Nothing,  I  am  intimating  nothing. 
But  the  fact  remains  that  we  foimd  you  covering 
our  butler  with  a  gun! 

Tom.   I  told  you  we  caught  him 

Brockton,   Robbing  the  house That's  what 

you  said!  And  you  overpowered  him  and  were 
going  to  deliver  him  to  the  Police.  That's  all  very 
well,  but  it  just  happens  that  we  sent  him  down- 
stairs for  the  jewels,  and  he  was  about  to  bring 
them  to  us  when  you  intercepted  him.  (Phil 
moves  to  l.  of  Tom.) 

Tom.  (Smiling  and  taking  a  different  attitude) 
Oh,  well !  I  didn't  know  that.  Of  course,  that  puts 
an  entirely  different  complexion  on  it.  Naturally, 
when  I  saw  him  taking  the  valuables,  I  jumped  at 
conclusions  and  acted  accordingly.  (Going  to  c. 
and  turning  to  Wilson,  who  is  still  down  l.  j  Wil- 
son, I  offer  an  apology.  And  I'm  glad  to  learn  that 
you  are  a  faithful  and  trustworthy  servant.  I  shall 
report  to  Miss  Brockton  that  her  fears  were  en- 
tirely unfounded.    (Starts  l.J 

Brockton.  Now,  hold  on  a  minute.  (Tom  turns 
back  at  Brockton's  voice.)   Let's  clear  this  up, 

Tom.  (Coming  back  c.)  By  all  means — but  isn't 
everything  explained? 

Brockton.  (Gruffly)  How  do  you  explain  the 
gSig  in  Wilson's  mouth? 

Tom.    (Stalled  for  a  moment)    The — gag 

Brockton.  (Sarcastically)  Did  you  gag  him  for 
fear  that  he  might  yell  out  and  bring  the  Police  or 
neighbors  down  on  him? 

Wilson.  Maybe  he  is  afraid  I  was  going  to  bite 
him, 

Tom,  (Getting  an  idea  from  Brockton's  sug- 
gestion)  Why,  yes,  of  course  I  wanted  to  prevent 


y6  CHEATING  CHEATERS  act  in 

him  from  crying  out.  How  did  I  know  that  he 
didn't  have  confederates  lurking  outside?  They 
might  have  come  in  and  overpowered  us.  Isn't  that 
perfectly  clear? 

Brockton.  (Looking  to  Mrs.  Brockton j  Hm! 
That  does  sound  reasonable.  (Mrs.  Brockton 
nods,  and  he  turns  to  ToMJ  But — not  that  we 
doubt  your  word,  Mr.  Palmer — but  after  all,  it 
seems  very  extraordinary  to  me  that  Ruth  should 
have  sent  you  for  her  jewels. 

Mrs.  Brockton,  (With  suspicion)  Yes,  it  does 
seem  rather  extraordinary. 

Tom.  I  grant  you  it  is  unusual,  and  I  don't 
blame  you  for  your  doubts.  Therefore,  I  again 
volunteer  to  fetch  Miss  Brockton  myself.  (Starts 
to  go.    Brockton's  voice  stops  him.) 

Brockton.  That's  very  sweet  of  you,  but  we 
won't  put  you  to  so  much  trouble.  You  say  your 
car  is  outside? 

Tom.  Yes,  a  short  distance  down  the  road.  Hm! 
Well,  Wilson  is  a  very  capable  driver,  and  with 

your  permission  we'll  borrow  your  car (Looks 

at  his  watch)  Eleven  o'clock.  (Starts  dozvn  r.  Tom 
glances  quickly  at  Phil^  who  shakes  his  head.  Mrs. 
Brockton  goes  to  chair  back  of  table.)  We  can 
make  it  easily  in  five  minutes. 

Tom.  (Forcefully.  Moving  toward  Brockton^ 
Now,  wait  a  minute.  I  don't  mind  lending  the  use 
of  my  car,  but  I  resent  your  manner  of  taking  it. 
You  found  me  here  under  rather  peculiar  circum- 
stances, and  I  submitted  myself  to  your  questions. 
Now,  you  can  believe  me  or  not,  just  as  you  like,  but 
I  shall  not  remain  under  this  roof  another  instant. 
And  I  forbid  your  taking  my  car. 

Brockton.  (Politely,  moving  up  R.c.j  We  have 
one  of  our  own,  but  tonight  we  prefer  to  use  yours, 
and  until  we  return  I  must  insist  upon  the  pleas- 
ure of  your  society. 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  yy 

Tom.  (Startled.  Tunis  to  Brockton,  back  to 
audience)  Do  I  understand  I  am  virtually  a  pris- 
oner? 

Brockton.  No,  just  a  guest  from  whom  we  are 
most — (Snaps  his  fingers  as  signal  to  Wilsonj — 
reluctant  to  part.   And  to  prove  our  eagerness  for 

your  society (Wilson  has  muffler  Phil  tried 

to  gag  him  with;  comes  up  behind  Tom,  seizes  him, 
throws  him  around  R.,  tying  his  hands.)  We're  go- 
ing to  keep  you  with  us  a  little  while,  (Phil  m^kes 
a  start  for  door  L.2,  but  seeing  Verdi  there  with 
gun,  turns  back  and  starts  for  door  R.c.  Mrs. 
Brockton  is  in  the  way.  Phil  goes  to  piano.  Tom 
is  struggling  with  Wilson,  j  Now,  be  a  good  boy, 
and  remember  we're  in  an  awful  hurry,  tonight. 
(Turning  him  toward  c.) 

Tom.  (Protesting  more  vehemently,  to  Brock- 
ton j   Is  this  a  joke — or  what  are  we  up  against? 

Brockton.   Better  submit  quietly. 

Tom.   W^hat's  all  this  for,  any~way? 

Brockton.  We  want  to  hear  you  say  in  Ruth's 
presence  that  she  sent  you  for  the  jewels.  You 
don't  mind  confronting  her,  do  you? 

Phil.    Why,  damn  you (Takes  large  vase 

from  piano,  raises  it  above  his  head  and  starts  for 
Brockton  to  hit  him  with  it.  Brockton  covers 
him  imth  gun.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Look  out!  (Moves  chair  back 
of  table.) 

Tom.  (Stopping  him)  Wait,  Phil — put  it  down! 
(Phil  stops,  but  still  holds  vase  above  head.)  Put 
it  down!  (Phil  puts  his  hand  down.)  What's  the 
use?  They've  got  us!  (Phil  goes  up  and  puts  vase 
on  piano.  Tom  speaks  to  Others j  If  you're  going 
all  the  way  over  to  my  place  just  to  ask  Miss 
Brockton  whether  she  sent  me  or  not,  I  can  save 
you  the  trip.    She  doesn't  know  we're  here! 

All.  What? 


78  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actiii 

Tom.  You'll  get  it  from  her,  so  I  might  as  well 
tell  you  now.  I  tried  to  bluff  it  through  as  long  as 
I  thought  there  was  a  chance  of  making  a  getaway, 
but  you're  too  many  for  us,  and  you  control  all  the 

ammunition.  We  came  here  for  the  stuff (All 

look  at  one  another  in  surprise.)  There's  half  a  mil- 
lion dollars'  worth  of  stuff  in  my  house,  for  which 
I'm  wanted  in  half  a  dozen  States.  You  see,  I'm 
not  trying  to  make  it  easy  for  myself.  But  I  want 
you  to  consider  that  you  haven't  lost  anything, 
and  if  you  deliver  me  to  the  bulls  it  means  a 
stretch  for  every  job,  and  that  means — life! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Why,  they're  a  couple  of 
crooks !  (Sits  on  arm  of  chair  r.  of  table.  She, 
Brockton,  Verdi  and  Wilson  exchange  signifi- 
cant looks.) 

Brockton.  That's  what  they  are!  Now,  who'd 
ever  guessed  it?  (He  swells  his  chest  and  in  an  in- 
dignant manner  walks  down  l.  of  table)  Why,  the 
idea!  The  very  idea!  How  dare  you  outrage  our 
hospitality  as  you  have  done?  Worming  your  way 
into  our  peaceful  little  home?  (Looks  at  Mrs. 
Brockton.) 

Wilson.  (Looking  Tom  over  from  head  to  foot) 
Why,  hanging  is  too  good  for  a  guy  like  him! 

Tom.  (Hanging  his  head)  Yes,  I  guess  you're 
right,  and  you  don't  think  any  less  of  me  than  I  do 
of  myself.  There's  only  one  thing  I  ask.  What- 
ever you  decide  to  do  with  me,  for  heaven's  sake  do 
it  before  Miss  Brockton  sees  me.  That's  the  thing 
I  can't  stand — face  her.  (Phil  makes  a  bolt  for 
door  L.2.) 

Verdi.   Hey,  there! 

Wilson.   Look  out! 

Verdi.  (Grabs  Phil  and  after  a  short  struggle 
overpowers  him.  Tom  tries  to  take  advantage  of 
the  commotion  and  makes  a  move,  but  is  held  back 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  79 

by  Brockton's  pistol.  Verdi  brings  Phil  down 
L.C.,  holding  his  hands  behind  him)  He  nearly  got 
away  that  time ! 

Wilson.    (Coming  c.)   What'll  we  do  with  him? 

Brockton.  Verdi,  put  him  in  there.  (Points  to 
door  L.i)  Wilson,  put  him — (Indicates  Tom) — in 
there!  (Points  to  door  r.i.  Verdi  takes  Phil  off 
L.I  and  Wilson  takes  Tom  to  r.i.) 

Wilson.  (To  Tomj  Get  in  there!  (Pushes  him 
through  door.    Brockton  crosses  to  table.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Crossing  c.  in  front  of  table) 
Swells!  My  gracious,  you  can't  tell  in  this  world 
any  more  who  is  respectable.  (Fixes  veil  around 
hat.) 

Brockton.  That's  right.  Whew!  (With  a  sigh 
of  relief)  But  for  a  little  while  there,  Nell,  he  had 
me  believing  that  Ruth  was  double-crossing  us.. 
(Verdi  enters  l.i.) 

Wilson.    (Enters  r.i)    Now  be  a  good  boy. 

Brockton.    Did  you  tie  them  up? 

Verdi  and  Wilson.    Yes. 

Brockton.  Well,  lock  the  doors  and  give  me 
the  keys.    (They  do  so.) 

Wilson.   Well,  let's  get  on  the  job. 

(WARN  Curtain.) 

Brockton.    Yes,  where's  the  kit? 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Crossing  up)  Here  it  is. 
(Picking  it  up  from  foot  of  steps.) 

Verdi.    (Coming  "uc.)   How  do  we  work? 

Brockton.  The  same  as  usual.  Wilson  and  you 
on  the  inside — 'Nell  and  I  will  be  the  lookouts. 

Wilson.  (Crossing  to  c.)  Swells,  eh?  Now  we 
can  go  over  to  that  Palmer  house,  clean  them  out 
and  they  daren't  make  a  squeal. 

Brockton.  Not  even  a  squeak.  (Mrs.  Brock- 
ton turns  switch  at  r.  of  door  r.c.  LIGHTS. 
White  and  amber  foots  and  concert  border  out,  also 
brackets  out,  leaving  just  the  blues  in  border  same 


8o  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actih 

OJ  at  rise.)  It  certainly  looks  as  if  we  were  playing 
on  the  side  of  Providence  tonight.  (Takes  hat  from 
table  and  starts  for  door  L.2)  Go  on,  boys!  (They 
exit  L.2.) 

(Curtain  drops  for  a  minute  to  denote  lapse  of 
time.  While  Curtain  is  down,  CLOCK  in  the 
distance  strikes  twelve.) 

SCENE  II 

Curtain  rises  on  dark  stage.  After  a  moment  the 
door  L.2  opens  cautiously,  and  Ruth  comes 
on,  quietly  closing  door.  She  crosses  down  to 
table  R.,  moves  chair  from  back  of  table  to  l. 
of  it,  puts  travelling  bag  she  is  carrying  on 
table  and  goes  to  lamp  up  r.  ;  lights  it.  BABY 
SPOT  covers  lamp  and  table.  Ruth  comes 
back  to  table  and  opening  bag,  takes  out  the 
red  morocco  cases  seen  in  the  Palmer  home  in 
the  Second  Act.  She  opens  the  cases  and  ad- 
mires the  jewels.  Her  eyes  drink  in  the  beauty 
of  the  pearl  necklace.  Still  smiling  happily,  she 
goes  up  to  lamp,  and  opening  door  of  lamp, 
puts  her  hand  in  for  the  jewels  and  finds  it 
empty.  She  withdraws  her  hand  and  gasps, 
gives  a  startled  look  around  the  room,  and  run- 
ning to  svmtch,  throws  on  the  LIGHTS. 
White  and  amber  foots,  concert  border,  and 
brackets  on  wall  and  stand  for  Act.  She  then 
goes  quickly  down  to  door  r.i,  tries  door  and 
finds  it  locked.  Surprised,  she  turns  back,  goes 
to  table,  puts  cases  back  in  bag,  then  taking  keys 
from  bag,  closes  it  and  crossing  to  door,  un- 
locks it  and  steps  inside.  With  a  startled  cry 
she  backs  from  room,  followed  by  Tom.) 

Ruth.    (In  a  tone  of  surprise  and  amazement) 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  8i 

Tom !  Why — what  are  you  doing  here  ?  (Backs  in 
front  of  table  to  r.c.) 

Tom.  (Standing  just  inside  door  with  bowed 
head  as  if  resigned  to  his  fate)  They  got  me,  that's 
all.  I  thought  nobody  was  home  but  the  butler,  but 
your  people  came  back  unexpectedly — they're  on 
their  way  to  fetch  you  before  turning  me  over  to 
the  Police.  Now  do  you  understand  why  I  came  in 
here? 

Ruth.  (Backing  up  a  step,  at  loss  for  words) 
You  mean  you  came  here  to  rob  the  house? 

Tom.  Yes.   (Crosses  in  front  of  her  to  c.) 

Ruth.  (Turning  and  looking  at  lamp)  Who 
emptied  the  lamp? 

Tom.  Oh,  they're  safe  enough.  Your  people  took 
them  along  with  them. 

Ruth.   My  people  ? 

Tom.  They  must  have.  I  left  theni  on  the  table. 
Now  that  you  know  what  I  came  in  here  for — what 
are  you  going  to  do  with  me? 

Ruth.  (Holds  position)  What  do  you  want  me 
to  do? 

Tom.    Untie  my  hands. 

Ruth.  No — oh,  no — no — no.  (Shakes  her  head, 
looks  slozdy  at  Tom,  who  smiles  at  her.  She  pauses 
a  moment.  Ruth  puts  keys  on  table,  unties  his 
hands.) 

Tom.  Thanks !  That  feels  better.  I've  got  a  pal 
in  there,  tied  up  too.    (He  starts  toward  door  l.i.) 

Ruth,    Please  wait  a  moment,  please. 

Tom.  (Stopping  and  turning,  crosses  to  l.  of 
Ruth  J  I've  got  to  do  some  fast  traveling  tonight. 
(Starts  to  go  again.) 

Ruth.  (Stopping  him)  Wait  a  moment,  please. 
Isn't  there  anything  you  want  to  say  to  me? 

Tom.  (Letting  his  eyes  fall,  crosses  slowly  to 
her)    What's  the  use?    It's  all  over.    And  you'd 


82  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actiii 

only  despise  me  all  the  more  if  you  heard  me  plead- 
ing the  baby  act. 

Ruth.  (Pleadingly)  Haven't  you  one  word  to 
say  in  extenuation? 

Tom.  As  my  own  lawyer,  I  don't  know  a  decent 
thing  I  could  say  for  my  client.  You  see,  I  went 
wrong  a  year  after  I  came  out  of  college — gambling 
started  me,  and  the  first  successful  job  I  pulled 
off  finished  me.  I  always  sort  of  eased  my  con- 
science by  saying  that  when  thousands  have  so 
little  it's  no  crime  to  take  it  away  from  those  who 
have  so  much.  I  sort  of  talked  myself  into  believ- 
ing it,  too.  Yes,  and  I'd  have  gone  on  believing 
and  acting  on  it,  but  you — well,  you  sort  of  carried 
me  back  to  the  days  when  I  was  different. 

Ruth.   Then  why  did  you  do  this  tonight? 

Tom.  Why  did  I  do  it?  Because  I  knew  that  if  I 
didn't  come  in  here  myself,  the  others  would  have 
come  in  without  me. 

Ruth.  (Sitting  l.  of  table.  Turning  to  him) 
Others  ? 

Tom.  (Crossing  to  her)  Listen,  Ruth.  The 
woman  you  met  as  my  mother  isn't  my  mother. 
She  was  the  cleverest  confidence  woman  in  the 
West.  Grace  isn't  my  sister.  She  and  Phil,  the  man 
who  acted  as  our  butler,  are  married.  We're  all  in 
the  same  combination.  You  probably  won't  under- 
stand this (Tom  moves  to  c.) 

Ruth.   Oh,  no! 

Tom.  But  when  you  join  a  syndicate  like  ours, 
you  cease  to  be  a  free  agent.  You  deliver  yourself 
into  the  hands  of  your  pals.  Once  I  got  them 
started  on  this  job,  I  had  to  play  along  with  them 
because  they  hate  a  quitter,  and  any  one  of  them 
could  have  won  immunity  for  himself  by  squealing 
on  me.  But  I  want  you  to  know  that  after  I  got  to 
caring  for  you  I  stalled  and  stalled  on  this  job, 
hoping  something  would  happen  to  spoil  it.    And 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  83 

I'd  have  kept  on  stalling,  but  for  that  Carnegie 
medal  man  mentioning  the  name  of  Ferris  today — 
(Ruth  shows  interest.)  Of  course,  the  name  of 
Ferris  doesn't  mean  anything  to  you,  but  to  us  it 
was  like  a  bombshell  dropped  out  of  the  sky.  It 
was  up  to  us  to  clean  up  and  clear  out. 

Ruth.  (Turing  to  ToMJ  I  see.  That's  why 
you  were  so  urgent  to  have  me  go  away  with  you 
tonight  ? 

Tom.  (Coming  to  her)  Yes.  I  realized  it  was 
tonight  or  never. 

Ruth.  Tom,  if  I  had  said  yes,  would  you  really 
have  allowed  me  to  go  with  you? 

Tom.  (After  thinking  a  moment)  No,  Ruth — 
not  until  you  had  a  fair  chance  to  reconsider.  Be- 
cause in  that  case  I'd  have  told  you  everything 
before  you  started.  You  see,  I  had  made  up  my 
mind  to  leave  everything  behind  but  you.  I  intended 
starting  all  over  again  and  I  would  have  gone 
straight. 

Ruth.  (Her  eyes  gating  straight  out  in  front  as 
if  trying  to  look  into  the  future)   I  wonder? 

Tom.  (Moving  to  r.c.)  I  know  it's  hard  to  be- 
lieve, but  I  couldn't  be  so  contemptible  with  you  at 
my  side. 

Ruth.  (Turning  to  him)  But  Tom — suppose 
that  now  I  were  to  reconsider?  That  now  I  were 
to  say  "yes"? 

Tom.  (Looking  at  her  with  unbelieving  eyes) 
After  what  I  told  you?  After  the  way  I  tried  to 
double-cross  you?  I'd  say  you  were  making  fun 
of  me. 

Ruth.  (Rising.  Pleading)  But  if  I  convinced 
you  that  I  meant  it?  If  I  had  reasons  of  my  own 
for  wanting  to  go  away  with  you?  I  do  care  for 
you — I  do. 

Tom.  (Taking  her  in  his  arms)  No,  Ruth,  I 
love  you  too  much  to  let  you  do  that.   (Holding  hen 


84  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actiii 

away  from  him  and  looking  into  her  eyes)  Ruth — 
the  chances  are  we'll  never  see  each  other  again. 
But  I  want  to  tell  you  that  in  a  decent  way  you've 
been  the  biggest  thing  in  my  life. 

Ruth.  Thank  you.  (She  sighs.  Taking  skeleton 
keys  from  table  hurriedly,  crosses  to  door  l.i.  As 
the  keys  touch  lock,  the  DOORBELL  in  hall  rings 
two  short  and  one  long.  Ruth  pauses,  and  then 
hands  keys  to  Tom.  Door  off  l.2  is  heard  closing.) 
Go  in  there,  quick.  And  don't  make  a  sound.  (Tom 
unlocks  door  l.i  and  exits.  Ruth  starts  for  hall  as 
Lazarre  enters  l.2  hurriedly.)  Ira,  for  heaven's 
sake,  what  brings  you  up  here  at  this  hour  of  night  ? 

Lazarre.  (Crossing  down  r.c.J  You've  got  to 
hide  me  until  I  can  make  a  getaway.  They're  look- 
ing for  me.  I've  been  indicted !  (Sits  in  chair  l.  of 
table.) 

Ruth.  (Excitedly  at  door  L.2)  What?  In- 
dicted?   Is  it  anything  in  which  we're  concerned? 

Lazarre.  I  don't  know  the  particulars.  I  got  a 
tip  from  a  friendly  court  clerk  while  they  were 
making  out  the  warrant.  I've  been  keeping  out  of 
the  way,  manipulating  underground  wires  for  in- 
formation. All  I  could  get  was  that  the  informa- 
tion came  from  Ferris. 

Ruth.    (Rises)  Ferris? 

Lazarre.  (Crosses  to  c.)  Yes,  I  told  you  that 
wolf  had  his  teeth  set  for  me.  (Turning  and  look- 
ing around  the  room)  Where's  the  rest  of  the 
gang?    (Goes  few  steps  down  r.) 

Ruth.  (Crosses  to  i^c.)  They're  pulling  off  the 
Palmer  job  now. 

Lazarre.  (Coming  back  to  c,  whining)  Oh,  my 
God !  That's  what  I  wanted  to  stop !  I  didn't  want 
anything  pulled  off  till  I  found  out  what  Ferris 
had  on  me. 

Ruth.   On  you? 

Lazarre.     (Crosses    down    extreme    r.)     Yes. 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  85 

There's    been    a    leak    somewhere — ^treachery- 


(Turns  to  her.  Ruth  takes  off  cape  and  throws  it 
on  settee.  Crosses  to  c.)  And  if  he  connects  me 
with  this  job 

(The  sound  of  a  door  BANGING  off  l.2  is  heard. 
The  L.2  door  opens  and  Wilson,  Verdi, 
Brockton  and  Mrs.  Brockton  enter  excited- 
ly. Lazarre  is  down  extreme  r.  At  sound  of 
voices  Ruth  moves  l.  of  table  r.  Wilson 
comes  down  c.  Verdi  crosses  above  to  r.  of 
table.  Mrs.  Brockton  comes  down  to  l.  of 
Wilson,  and  Brockton  stops  up  l.c.  and  puts 
his  hat  on  piano.) 

Wilson.  (Speaking  as  he  comes  and  pointing  to 
RuthJ  Oh,  here  you  are!  He  didn't  expect  to 
ever  catch  up  with  you  after  double-crossing  us! 

Lazarre.    (In  alarm)    Double-cross — she? 

Wilson,  We  got  there  just  as  arranged,  but  not 
a  sign  of  her.  Well,  Tony  and  I  decided  to  take 
a  chance.  We  went  in — ^we  opened  the  safe — and 
found  it  empty.  (Starts  for  Ruth  ;  makes  move  to 
choke  her.  Door  l.i  opens  and  Tom  and  Phil  en- 
ter quickly  and  go  in  front  of  settee.) 

Tom.    Wait  a  moment,  there! 

Wilson.  (Surprised,  turning  and  seeing  them) 
Ah!  Look  at  them!  What  did  I  tell  you?  They 
had  it  all  fixed  to  make  a  getaway  and  leave  us  flat. 

Brockton.  (Coming  down  L.c.j  Isn't  it  about 
time  we  were  treated  to  an  explanation?  (Wilson 
crosses  back  of  table  to  r.  of  Verdi.) 

Verdi,  ^r.  of  table)  Those  jewels  were  not  in 
the  safe. 

Mrs.  Brockton,    (c.)  Where  are  they? 

Ruth.  Where  are  they?  (Turns  to  table,  opens 
bag  and  takes  case  containing  the  necklace  out, 
opens  it,  and  holds  up  the  necklace)    Do  you  rec- 


86  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actiii 

ognize  them?  (The  Brockton  Gang  all  exchange 
looks  of  satisfaction.  Tom  and  Phil,  startled,  drop 
back  a  step.) 

Phil.   Holy  murder — we've  been  robbed ! 

Tom.  (To  Ruth,  pointing  to  jewels)  How  did 
you  get  them? 

Ruth.  Thanks  to  you,  Mr.  Palmer — once  to  the 
left,  twice  to  the  right,  three  times  to  the  left  and 


open 


Tom.    (Perplexed)   Why — what's  it  mean? 

Ruth.  (Smiling  and  pointing  as  she  speaks)  It 
means  this  isn't  my  mother,  and  this  isn't  my  father, 
and  we're  all  members  of  a  combination,  just  like 
yours. 

Tom.  (Turning  to  PhilJ  My  God!  They're  a 
gang  of  crooks!  (Verdi  picks  up  pillow  from  un- 
der table  and  puts  it  on  chair  back  of  table;  crosses 
up  to  window,  putting  hat  on  window;  holds  his 
position.  Tom,  crossing  to  RuthJ  Why,  Ruth, 
we're  pals!  There's  been  a  mistake  all  around. 
(Brockton  goes  up  uc.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Crossing  to  settee  l.c.^  Sure, 
the  next  thing  we  know  we'll  all  be  apologizing  to 
each  other. 

Lazarre.  (Down  extreme  r.)  Apologize — noth- 
ing! I  tell  you,  if  we  don't  get  out  of  here  pretty 
quick,  Ferris  will  get  the  whole  lot  of  us. 

Tom.  (c.)  Yes,  it  isn't  very  healthy  up  here  for 
us.  We  were  figuring  on  getting  away  from  here 
tonight. 

Ruth.  (Standing  beside  him,  r.)  So  were  we. 
Where  were  you  going? 

Tom.  South  America — Buenos  Ay  res.  (Startled 
look  of  surprise  from  the  Brockton  Gang.j 

Ruth.  We  selected  Rio  Janeiro.  (Tom  and 
Phil  exchange  surprised  look.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Why,  we'd  have  been  neighbors 
again,  wouldn't  we? 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  87 

Wilson.  (Above  table  at  r.  To  Tou)  There's 
the  door.   Get  out ! 

Brockton.  (Coming  down  l.c.  and  slapping 
Tom  on  shoulder)    Goodbye,  Mr.  Palmer. 

Tom.  (Turning  to  Brockton  and  pointing  to 
jewels  in  Ruth's  hands)  What  do  you  mean,  good- 
bye? Say,  you  don't  think  you're  going  to  sepa- 
rate me  from  those,  do  you? 

Brockton.  (Paternally)  My  dear  boy,  we 
wouldn't  think  of  allowing  you  to  risk  your  liberty 
by  being  caught  with  the  goods. 

Phil.  (Down  extreme  l.)  Well,  we'll  take  that 
chance. 

Tom.  (Suddenly  getting  an  idea)  What's  the 
good  of  separating  ?  Here  we  are,  two  clever  mobs. 
Why  not  follow  the  methods  of  the  big  financiers 
and  consolidate?  (All  look  at  one  another.)  Why, 
a  combination  like  ours  couldn't  be  beaten! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Enthusiastically )  Maybe  he's 
right.  With  a  couple  of  leaders  like  him  and  Nan, 
we  could  put  all  the  other  crooks  out  of  the  busi- 
ness. There  wouldn't  be  anything  left  for  them  to 
steal.    (Verdi  crosses  to  above  Wilson.) 

Wilson.  (Coming  down  a  step)  Now,  listen — I 
go  into  no  more  combinations.  (Goes  a  step  or  two 
up  R.   Brockton's  voice  stops  him.) 

Brockton,  ('l.c,  turning  to  Wilson  and  im- 
pressed with  the  idea)  Now,  wait  a  minute,  Steve. 
The  tendency  of  modem  business  is  toward  a  con- 
solidation and  the  elimination  of  rivals.  It  might 
be  to  our  mutual  advantage  to  form  a  little  trust 
of  our  own.  (Turning  to  Lazarre,  who  is  down 
extreme  r.^   What  do  you  think  about  it,  Ira? 

Lazarre.  (Very  much  agitated)  I'm  not  think- 
ing of  anything  but  to  get  away  from  here. 

Ruth.  (In  back  of  table)  Now,  listen,  all  of 
you.  Let's  take  a  sensible  view  of  this.  If  we  go 
off  with  their  property,  you  couldn't  blame  them 


88  CHEATING  CHEATERS  ACTin 

for  squealing  and  making  a  deal  with  Ferris.  If 
they  took  ours,  I  know  we'd  go  a  long  way  to  be 
avenged.  Remember,  Ferris  would  make  pretty 
near  any  kind  of  a  deal  to  recover  this  stuff.  I  say 
it's  up  to  us  to  get  together, 

Tom.    I  second  the  motion. 

Verdi.  (Up  r.  of  table)  I  am  willing  to  consoli- 
date. 

Mrs.  Brockton.   I'm  solid  for  it. 

Phil.    (Down  extreme  L.j   So  am  I. 

Ruth.  Well,  then,  bring  up  some  chairs,  and 
we'll  talk  it  over. 

(Wilson  sits  r.  of  table.  Tony  on  the  arm  of  Wil- 
son's chair.  Brockton  is  in  chair  l.  of  table. 
Ruth  stands  back  of  table.  Tom  takes  chair 
from  L.c,  crosses  around  and  sits  just  r.  of 
Ruth.  Phil  goes  to  piano,  takes  bench  and 
places  it  l.  of  table,  just  above  Brockton. 
Mrs.  Brockton  sits  on  end  nearest  table  and 
Phil  on  the  other  end.) 

Lazarre.  (While  the  Others  are  getting  the 
chairs)  I  tell  you  it's  dangerous — it's  dangerous.  I 
refuse  to  participate.  (Ad  lib.  protests  while 
Others  are  being  seated.) 

Ruth.  (Sits  back  of  table)  I  know,  playing  safe 
again,  Ira.  If  you  want  to  go,  go  ahead. 

Lazarre.  (Coming  up  to  table)  Very  well — ^give 
me  my  share. 

Wilson.  (Rising  and  throwing  the  words  at 
him)  Give  you  nothing!  If  you  want  to  freeze 
yourself  out,  that  leaves  one  less  to  divide  with. 
(Sits  again.  Lazarre  quickly  gets  chair  from  above 
door  R.i  and  sits  r.  of  table,  below  Wilson,  j 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Why,  it's  just  like  a  directors' 
meeting,  isn't  it? 

Lazarre.    Let's  get  this  through  quickly. 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  89 

Ruth.  (Rising)  You're  a  lawyer,  Ira.  What's 
the  first  step  in  forming  a  combination?  (Sits  back 
of  table.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Rising)  Yes,  let's  do  it  le- 
gally!   (She  sits  on  bench  again.) 

Brockton,  (Rising)  It  would  seem  to  me  the 
first  thing  to  do  would  be  to  ascertain  what  each 
side  has  to  ofifer.  (TOm  rises.  Takes  wallet  con- 
taining Stuyvesant  jewels  from  pocket  and,  open- 
ing it,  places  it  on  the  table)  Now,  I  consider  these 
to  be  worth  two  hundred  and  fifty  thousand  dollars. 
(Pointing  to  the  Palmer  jewels)  What  do  you  con- 
sider those  to  be  worth? 

Tom.   Half  a  million. 

Brockton.  (Dropping  into  chair  again)  That 
makes  our  contribution  worth  seven  hundred  and 
fifty  thousand  dollars.  (Tom  and  Phil  look  at  each 
other  in  a  dazed  sort  of  a  way,  and  then  at  Brock- 
ton, as  if  they  must  have  misunderstood.  The 
Brockton  Gang  all  wear  a  satisfied  air.)  Now, 
what  have  you  to  offer? 

Tom.  (Still  standing)  Why,  we're  putting  these 
in!    (Pointing  to  the  Palmer  jewels.) 

Wilson.  (Rising)  You're  putting  them  in?  Well, 
you've  got  a  hell  of  a  nerve !  (Pointing  to  Palmer 
jewels)   Them's  ours!   (Sits.   Tom  registers.) 

Brockton.   Of  course  they  are. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Rising)  They  were  ours  the 
day  we  went  after  them. 

Phil.  Aw,  say,  cut  out  this  kidding.  (Rising, 
points  to  jeivels)  That's  our  stuff.  (Pulls  Mrs. 
Brockton  out  of  the  way  and  reaches  for  the  cases) 
Give  it  to  me. 

Wilson.  (As  Phil  gets  his  hand  on  case,  rises 
and  covers  him  with  gun)  Put  'em  down!  (Phil 
drops  case.) 

Ruth.  (Rising  and  stopping  Wilson  by  putting 
up  her  hand)    Wait  a  minute (Tom  sits.   Af- 


90  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actiii 

ter  they  All  quiet  dawn)  We'll  never  get  any- 
where if  we're  going  to  have  dissension. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Pushing  Phil  doum  on  bench) 
What  are  you  trying  to  do,  disrupt  the  combination 
already?    (Sits  on  bench.) 

Ruth.  (To  Wilson  J  From  now  on  we'll  cut 
out  the  gun-play,  Steve.  Give  it  to  me.  (Holds  out 
hand  for  gun.) 

Steve.   What  ? 

Brockton.  (As  Steve  hesitates)  Go  on,  Steve. 
(Wilson  gives  her  his  gun,  which  she  puts  in  trav- 
eling bag.  She  does  the  same  with  the  other  guns 
as  she  gets  them.) 

Ruth.    (To  Verdij    Give  me  yours,  Tony. 

Brockton.    Go  on,  Tony. 

Verdi.  (Giving  her  the  gun  he  has  taken  from 
Tom  and  his  own)   All  right. 

Ruth.   (Putting  out  Iter  hand  to  Lazarre^   Ira — 

Brockton.  Go  on,  Ira.  (Lazarre  hands  over 
his  gun.)  Now,  if  this  is  going  to  be  a  gentleman's 
agreement,  let's  all  act  like  gentlemen. 

Ruth.  (Putting  out  her  hand)  That's  right, 
George.    Give  me  yours.    (He  hesitates.) 

Wilson.  Go  on,  George.  (Brockton  hands 
Ruth  gun.) 

Ruth.  (Closing  hag)  Now  we'll  get  these  out 
of  the  way.    (Pushes  bag  under  the  table.    Sits.) 

Brockton.  Now  we'll  proceed  with  the  prelimi- 
naries in  a  decorous  way. 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Indicating  Tom  and  Philj  I 
guess  that  means  you  two  thieves.  (Both  give  her 
an  indignant  look.) 

Tom.  (Rising)  What's  the  use  of  wasting  time? 
I  move  that  we  proceed  on  a  fifty-fifty  basis.  Are 
you  all  willing? 

(All  rise  and  enter  into  a  heated  discussion,  some 


ACT  III  CHEATING  CHEATERS  91 

taking  one  side  and  some  the  other.  As  the  ar- 
gument reaches  its  height,  the  sound  of  a 
DOOR  BREAKING  off  l.2,  sound  of  SPLIT- 
TING WOOD  off  L.,  GLASS  CRASH  off  r., 
as  if  windows  in  conservatory  were  being 
broken.    Window  at  back  is  smashed  in.) 

Lazarre.  My  God — the  coppers!  (There  is  a 
rush  for  r.c.  and  window.  Holmes,  a  powerfidly 
built  plain-clothes  officer,  enters  l.2,  followed  by 
Two  Men,  all  with  guns  drawn.  Two  Men  come 
through  window.  Three  Men  enter  r.c.  They  cover 
the  entire  Crowd  with  their  guns.) 

Holmes.  Throw  up  your  hands,  and  don't  make 
any  bust-away!  The  house  is  surrounded  and  my 
men  have  orders  to  shoot  to  kill.  (The  Two  Gangs 
quickly  lift  their  hands  above  their  heads.)  Now 
line  up  over  there,  the  whole  lot  of  you!  (They 
line  up  over  b..) 

First  Officer.  (Up  c,  pushing  Phil  into  line) 
Move  over  there. 

Second  Officer.  (Down  extreme  r.,  pushing 
Lazarrej    Come  on! 

Holmes.  Bill,  Charlie,  Jim,  frisk  them!  (The 
Two  Men  near  r.c.  touch  the  pockets  of  Brockton, 
Verdi,  Tom  and  Wilson.  The  Man  down  extreme 
R.  pulls  armchair  out  of  the  way.) 

Lazarre.  Keep  your  mouths  shut,  everybody. 
Remember,  anything  you  say  may  be  used  against 
you.  (Man  extreme  r.  frisks  him  and  shoves  him 
up  stage.)  (WARN  Curtain.) 

Holmes,  Oh,  you  know  the  law,  don't  you  ?  (To 
Man  dozvn  r.)  Mooney,  guard  that  door!  (Point- 
ing to  door  R.i.  Man  steps  to  door,  and  stands  in 
front  of  it.  Holmes  turns  to  Man  down  l.J  Bill, 
guard  that  door.  (Pointing  to  l.i.  Same  business 
as  at  door  r.i.  As  Holmes'  back  is  turned  Wilson 


92  CHEATING  CHEATERS  actiii 

lowers  his  hands  and  starts  to  grab  jewels  from 
table.  Holmes  turns  back  just  in  time  to  catch  him) 
No,  you  don't !  (Points  gun  at  him)  Put  'em  up ! 
(Wilson  throws  hands  above  head  and  back  into 
line.  Holmes,  with  a  smile  of  satisfaction  appear- 
ing on  his  face,  looks  them  over  and  then  counts) 

One,  two,  three,   four,  five,  six,   seven,   eight 

Eight  of  them!  (His  eyes  fall  upon  jewels  on 
table)  Pipe  the  sparklers.  (Goes  to  table)  Must 
be  pretty  near  a  milHon  dollars'  worth  of  stuff! 
(Picks  up  ccLse  containing  necklace,  looks  at  it,  closes 
it  and,  putting  it  in  his  pocket,  sits  in  chair  l.  of  table 
and  starts  drawing  the  other  cases  to  him)  Well, 
boys,  it  certainly  looks  like  a  good  day's  work  for  us. 
(The  Crooks,  with  an  alarmed  look  at  him  taking 
jewels,  crowd  down  stage  a  step.  Plain-Clothes 
Men  all  with  satisfied  smiles.) 

CURTAIN 

Second  Curtain:   Company. 

Third  Curtain:  Ruth,  Tom  and  Brockton. 

Fourth  Curtain:   Tom. 

Fifth  Curtain:  Ruth. 

Sixth  Curtain:  Ruth  and  Tom. 


ACT  FOUR 

The  folloimng  morning,  in  the  office  of  the  National 
Detective  Agency,  New  York  City. 

A  long  room  with  three  windows  at  the  back, 
facing  the  street  and  disclosing  a  view  of  the 
opposite  buildings.  Doors  at  Upper  l.  and  down 
R.  A  large  flat-top  desk  with  drawers  stands  c, 
with  writing-set,  documents,  etc.,  on  it;  also 
practical  telephone.  In  upper  Right-hand 
drawer,  six  pads  of  paper  and  six  sharpened 
pencils.  At  back  of  desk  a  swivel  chair.  At 
each  side  a  hard-bottom  office  chair;  three  of 
the  same  chairs  along  the  back  wall  by  windows. 
Obliqued  down  r.  a  six-foot  hardwood  office 
settee;  below  at  extreme  R.,  another  hardwood 
office  chair.  Obliqued  down  l.  another  flat- 
top desk,  the  same  as  the  other.  Chairs  at  back 
and  each  side.  The  windows  have  awnings, 
and  on  the  window-panes  one  word  on  each 
pane — "National  Detective  Agency" — placed  on 
to  be  read  from  the  street.  The  arrangement 
of  furniture  was  changed  after  the  photos  were 
taken. 

At  Rise:  The  shades  on  the  windows  are  drawn 
and  the  stage  is  dimly  lighted.  Wilson  is  in 
chair  back  of  desk  c,  asleep;  Brockton,  l.  of 
desk  c,  dosing;  Verdi  at  r.  of  desk  c. ;  Mrs. 
Brockton  stretched  at  full  length  on  settee; 
Lazarre  back  r.  near  window,  standing;  Grace 
Palmer  back  l.  near  window,  in  chair;  Ed. 
Palmer  at  back  of  desk  down  l.  ;  Tom  Pal- 
93 


94  CHEATING  CHEATERS  activ 

MER  below  desk  l.  in  chair;  Mrs.  Palmer  above 
desk  L.  in  chair;  Phil  Preston  sprawled  on 
floor  in  front  of  desk  l.  As  Curtain  gets  well 
up,  Mrs.  Brockton  shifts  position,  trying  to 
get  comfortable,  finally  turning  over.  Verdi 
tries  to  pull  his  feet  into  chair  with  him.  They 
slip  back  to  floor.  Lazarre  starts  pacing  back 
and  forth.  Two  Plain-Clothes  Men  stand 
€U  exits. 

Verdi.  (Is  unable  to  get  comfortable,  and  angrily 
straightens  up,  looks  around  with  an  injured  air) 
Holy  Jupiter !  I'm  stiff  from  sitting  here  all  night. 
(Makes  movement  of  taking  exercise)  Sacre!  Die 
Dio !  (Bangs  table.  All  awaken  with  a  start.  Wil- 
son jumps  up.    Lazarre  comes  down  r.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Say !  What're  you  trjang  to  do 
— ^break  up  the  furniture? 

Verdi.  If  they  are  going  to  keep  me  here  any 
longer,  I  shall  insist  on  being  made  comfortable. 
(Lazarre  gets  back  to  window.) 

Wilson.  Sure !  Ask  them  and  maybe  they'll  move 
in  a  piano  for  you.  (Verdi  moves  up  to  window 
and  talks  to  Lazarre.) 

Holmes.  (Enters  u,  smiling  good-naturedly) 
Good  morning — everybody! 

Wilson.  (Sits  in  chair  back  of  desk  c.)  Aw,  go 
to  hell ! 

Holmes.  (Coming  down  L.C.J  What's  the  mat- 
ter? Didn't  you  sleep  well?  (To  Men  at  doors) 
Boys,  let  them  have  a  little  sunlight.  (The  Men 
draw  up  shades  at  windows.  SUNLIGHT  streams 
through  windows.) 

Brockton.  How  long  are  you  going  to  keep  us 
here?  This  isn't  a  Police  Station.  This  is  the  office 
of  a  private  detective  agency.  You  haven't  any  right 
to  hold  us  here. 

Holmes.    (Thoughtfully)    Well,  maybe  you're 


ACT  IV  CHEATING  CHEATERS  95 

right — but  the  next  stop  is  PoHce  Headquarters. 
Are  you  in  a  hurry  to  get  there  ?  (Looks  them  All 
over  questioningly.) 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Stretching  out  at  full  length 
on  bench)    No,  I  ain't  in  any  hurry. 

Verdi.  Not  me.  I'm  all  right  here.  (Comes  to 
chair  r.  of  desk  c.) 

Lazarre.  (Coming  down  to  back  of  desk)  If 
we're  under  arrest,  I  demand  to  know  the  nature  of 
the  charge  against  us. 

Holmes.  (Down  L.c.j  Under  arrest?  Who  said 
you  were  under  arrest? 

All.   (Very  tnuch  surprised)  What? 

Holmes.  If  you'd  been  under  arrest  we'd  have 
been  compelled  to  deliver  you  to  the  nearest  Police 
Station.    You're  down  here  by  special  invitation. 

Verdi.  Ain't  that  nice? 

Holmes.   Certainly  you're  not  under  arrest. 

Brockton.  (As  a  look  of  relief  appears  on 
Others'  faces,  rises)  Well,  in  that  case — if  we're 
not  pinched — come  on,  boys!  (All  start  to  go. 
Phil,  putting  on  his  overcoat,  gets  almost  to  door  l. 
Lazarre  up  at  window.  Mrs.  Palmer,  Grace  and 
All  up  near  l.  door.  Mrs.  Brockton  moves  up 
R.c.    Palmer  joins  group  upstage.) 

Holmes.  (Warningly)  But — I'd  advise  you  not 
to  leave.  (Mrs.  Brockton  crosses  to  front.  Verdi 
in  front  of  settee.  Lazarre  to  l.  of  desk  c,  Grace 
just  above  him.  The  Others  are  in  their  same  po- 
sitions but  standing.  Tom  to  front  of  desk  l.) 

Brockton.  (Coming  down  L.C.,  highly  indig- 
nant) I  demand  to  know  by  what  authority  my 
home  was  broken  into  last  night  and  my  property 
seized?  If  that  was  some  of  Ferris'  work,  I'll  hold 
him  personally  responsible. 

Palmer.  (Behind  desk  L.,  banging  it  with  his 
fist)  And  what  right  had  your  men  to  invade  my 
home  last  night? 


96  CHEATING  CHEATERS  activ 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (To  chair  above  desk  lJ  Yes, 
and  drag  us  down  here? 

Grace.  (Coming  down  l.c.)  And  treat  us  like 
a  lot  of  common  criminals?    (To  chair  above  desk 

Tom.  (Below  desk  l.)  And  furthermore,  where 
is  Miss  Brockton? 

Brockton.    Yes,  where  is  Miss  Brockton? 

Tom.   If  she's  being  detained,  I'll 

Holmes.  Well,  what  are  you  going  to  do  about 
it?  (Phil  zuorks  slowly  down  l.) 

Lazarre.  (Coming  down  l.c,  fidl  of  importance, 
swelling  with  pride.  Mrs.  Brockton  crosses  down 
to  settee)  What  are  we  going  to  do  about  it  ?  Why, 
Habeas  Corpus  is  my  breakfast  food. 

Holmes.  What  do  you  think  bluffing  is  going  to 
get  you?  Why,  you  haven't  got  a  chance  in  the 
world  to  beat  this.  (Brockton  turns  and  looks  in- 
quiringly at  Lazarre,  who  shakes  his  head  and  goes 
up  uc.) 

Holmes.  (Turns  to  Brocktonj  Now,  if  you'd 
act  sensible  and  come  through  like  the — the  other 

one (Phil  moves  to  chair  front  of  desk  l. 

Startled  looks  from  All.j 

Brockton.  The  other  one?  What  do  you  mean? 

Holmes.  You  can  bank  on  it,  in  every  gang  of 
crooks  there's  always  one  squealer. 

Wilson.    (Back  to  desk  c.)  He  means  Nan. 

Brockton.   Do  you? 

Holmes.   Well (Looks  at  Brockton  ;  lights 

cigar.  As  if  he  were  going  to  tell  him  something 
else.  The  Others  look  at  Holmes  expectantly) 
You  can  draw  your  own  conclusions.  (Brockton 
crosses  up  r.) 

Lazarre.  (Upper  Left-hand  corner  of  desk  c, 
coming  down)  Do  you  think  you  can  put  anything 
like  that  over  on  us  ?  (Verdi  sits  u  of  settee.  Mrs. 
Brockton  sits  r.  of  settee.) 


ACT  IV  CHEATING  CHEATERS  97 

Brockton.  What  do  you  take  us  for — a  lot  of 
boobs  ? 

Tom.  Why,  you  can't  convince  us  that  Nan's  a 
— er — that  she's  lied  about  us. 

Lazaree.  Yes,  certainly.  And  besides,  what  has 
she  to  tell?  We  haven't  done  an3rthing.  We're  in- 
nocent.   (Sits  back  of  desk  c.) 

Mrs,  Brockton.   Sure  we're  innocent. 

Holmes.  (Shaking  his  head  and  looking  them 
over)  You're  sure  a  fine  lot  of  innocent-looking 
babies,  you  are.  (TELEPHONE  on  desk  rings. 
Holmes  takes  phone;  sits  r.  of  desk.  All  watch  him. 
His  attitude  changes  to  one  of  business)  Hello! 
Who  wants  Ferris?  The  District  Attorney?  All 
right — I'll  talk  to  him.  Hello! — Oh,  how  are  you, 
Mr.  Andrews?  No,  this  is  Holmes  talking.  I'm 
sorry,  but  Ferris  is  engaged.  Can  I  take  the  mess- 
age? Why,  Ferris  is  taking  down  her  statement 
now.  No — Nan  is  the  one.  Nan,  the  leader  of  the 
Brockton  gang.  Yes,  she's  spilling  it  now.  Yes,  sir 
— ^we'll  shoot  the  confession  over  to  you  as  soon  as 
she  signs  it.  Yes,  I'll  tell  Ferris  at  once.  (Hangs  up 
receiver.  During  above  scene  Everyone  registers 
every  statement.  Holmes  rises)  All  right,  Bill! 
(Tom  crosses  to  l.  of  desk  and  sits.  Man  at  door 
R.  exits.)  All  right,  Jim!  (Man  at  door  l.  exits. 
Holmes  crosses  to  door  l.  Wilson  drops  to  ex- 
treme r.  Brockton  up  r.  Holmes  turns  at  door 
and  sizing  them  all  up)  Now,  while  I'm  gone — be- 
have !  (Exits  L.  All  turn  and  look  at  one  another 
with  puzzled,  alarmed  expressions.) 

Wilson,  (Shaking  his  head)  I  told  you  so! 
When  a  gang  like  ours  starts  to  drinking  tea,  some- 
thing awful  is  bound  to  happen. 

Brockton.  (Crosses  to  r.  of  desk  c.)  You  don't 
believe  she's  squealing,  do  you? 

Tom,   (Rises  and  comes  c.)   Why,  of  course  not, 


98  CHEATING  CHEATERS  activ 

It's  all  perfectly  obvious.  That  telephone  talk  i^as 
exclusively  for  our  benefit. 

Wilson.  (Makes  a  gesture  of  dissent)  Say,  lis- 
ten  

Tom.  (Shakes  his  finger  at  Wilson  j  You  can't 
convince  me  Nan  would  sacrifice  us  to  save  her- 
self. 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Up  l.,  coming  forward)  I  ain't  so 
sure  about  that. 

Palmer.  (Behind  desk  l.  ;  rises)  Why  ain't  she 
here  with  us? 

Phil.  How  do  we  know  what  she's  doing  now? 
(Rising,  crosses  to  l,  of  Tom)  How  do  we  know 
that  she  ain't  with  Ferris  right  now,  spilling  every- 
thing to  him?   (Crosses  to  desk  L.) 

Grace.  (Coming  down  between  them,  accusingly 
to  ToMJ  If  we  go  up  for  this,  it's  your  fault.  If 
you  hadn't  stuck  around  to  bill  and  coo  with  her, 
we'd  have  been  safely  away  from  here  long  ago. 
(Crosses  to  former  position;  sits.) 

Phil.  (Throwing  words  at  Tom  ;  moves  r.)  Yes, 
we  can  blame  you  for  this.  I  told  you  not  to  linger. 
(Crosses  l.  below  desk;  sits.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  (Standing  above  desk  l.)  You 
knew  Grace  and  Phil  wanted  to  start  housekeeping 
and  I  was  going  to  retire  with  them. 

Verdi.  (Mournfully,  on  settee  down  r. j  Yes — ^we 
were  to  retire,  too!    (Tom  crosses  up  to  window.) 

Wilson.  (Extreme  r.  in  chair,  to  Mrs.  Brock-. 
TON,  on  settee)  Cut  it  out !  We're  a  couple  of  wise 
mobs,  we  are!  And  with  two  leaders  like  him — 
(Indicating  Tom,  sneeringly)  — and  Nan,  we  could 
put  all  the  other  crooks  out  of  business,  eh?  There 
wouldn't  be  anything  left  for  them  to  steal!  Hm! 
Why,  say,  we  couldn't  even  trim  each  other! 
(Throws  his  feet  upon  arm  of  settee,  startling  Mrs. 
Brockton.) 


ACT  IV  CHEATING  CHEATERS  99 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Startled,  looks  at  Wilson  an- 
grily)   Say — aw,  shut  up! 

Palmer.  (Seated  behind  desk,  u)  What  a  sweet 
and  amiable  mood  we're  all  in  today! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Rising)  Well,  whose  fault  is 
it  if  Nan  has  squealed  on  us  ?  (Sits  on  settee  again. 
Tom  crosses  to  l.  of  desk  c. ;  sits.) 

Brockton.  (Seated  r.  of  desk  c,  turning  to 
Lazarre,  seated  behind  desk)  It's  your  fault, 
Lazarre. 

Lazarre.    (Rising)    Mine  ? 

Brockton.  Yes — ^you  sent  her  to  us,  you  vouched 
for  her!    (Mrs.  Palmer  crosses  up  c.  to  window.) 

Lazarre.  (Rising)  Now,  listen,  are  we  going  to 
fall  for  that  bull's  frame-up?  Ara  we  going  to  take 
his  word  that  Nan  has  turned  traitor?  Why,  she 
couldn't  be  such  an  ingrate. 

Tom.   Ingrate? 

Lazarre.  (Standing  behind  desk,  c.)  Yes,  in- 
grate! (Mrs.  Palmer  sits  on  chair  up  back.) 
Where  do  you  think  she  was  when  I  first  met  her? 
Locked  up  in  the  Tombs  for  shoplifting. 

Brockton.    (Incredulously)   Shoplifting? 

Lazarre.  Can  she  be  so  ungrateful  as  to  forget 
that  I  took  her  case  for  a  paltry  fifty  dollars?  Can 
she  forget  the  day  I  had  her  acquitted  and  she  sat 
In  my  office,  weeping  tears  of  gratitude?  And  who 
helped  her  when  she  didn't  have  a  nickel?  Can 
she  forget  that  she  might  have  been  walking  the 
streets  if  I  hadn't  staked  her?  And  who  raised  her 
from  a  piking  shoplifter  to  going  after  the  big 
swag?  I  put  her  with  George  and  Nell  and  Tony. 
She  can't  forget  that!  No!  No  Bull  can  make  me 
believe  that  she's  going  to  bite  the  hand  that  fed 
her.    (Goes  up  back;  talks  to  Mrs.  Palmer.) 

Tom.  Poor  girl!  I  hate  to  think  of  the  third 
degree ! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  There  ought  to  be  a  law  abolish- 


lOO  CHEATING  CHEATERS  activ 

ing  that  third  degree !  (Throws  her  feei  around  on 
the  settee,  brushing  against  Verdi's  trousers.  Verdi 
rises  quickly,  brushes  trousers,  looking  at  her  and 
muttering  in  Italian;  sits  on  arm  of  settee.  Mrs. 
Brockton  lies  down  on  settee,  grinning.) 

Tom.  (Slapping  his  hand  on  desk,  rising)  Come 
on,  let's  buck  up!  What's  the  use  of  crossing 
bridges  before  we  get  to  them?  (Crosses  to  front 
of  desk  L.  Palmer  joins  Mrs.  Palmer  back,  and 
Phil  crosses  to  chair  back  of  desk  l.  Grace 
crosses  up  and  joins  group  back.) 

Lazarre.  (Coming  to  front  of  desk  c.)  Yes,  it's 
more  than  an  even  chance  that  we'll  beat  this  case, 
and  if  we  all  stand  pat  we  haven't  played  our  trump 
card  yet, 

Wilson.  (Sarcastically)  Listen,  if  you've  got 
anything  bigger  than  a  deuce  in  the  hole,  I'd  like 
to  see  it. 

Lazarre,  (Going  toward  him)  Well,  here's  our 
ace.  (Tom  sits  on  desk  l,  Lazarre  looks  around 
room.  Everyone  is  now  very  much  interested, 
hopeful  that  he  has  found  a  way  out.  To  TomJ  Are 
you  sure  that  all  your  stuff  was  broken  up  and 
the  stones  reset? 

Tom,  Positive,  Not  a  single  stone  was  left  in  its 
old  setting. 

Lazarre.   Good!   How  about  yours? 

Brockton.   Every  last  one  of  them  was  reset. 

Lazarre,  (Joyously)  That's  our  salvation! 
(Verdi  rises.  All  look  at  Lazarre,  puzzled.) 

Brockton.    What  do  you  mean?    (Tom  crosses 

to  L.C.J 

Lazarre.  (c,  turning  first  to  one  faction,  then  to 
the  other)  Don't  you  see?  Ferris  represents  the 
burglary  insurance  companies.  Now,  what's  wor- 
rying the  companies  most?  How  to  recover  the 
property  on  which  they  must  have  paid  out  close  to 
a  million  dollars.    How  many  of  the  original  own- 


ACT  IV  CHEATING  CHEATERS  loi 

ers  do  you  think  will  recognize  their  stuff  in  the 
new  settings?  Not  five  percent  of  them.  That's 
why  Ferris  wants  us  to  think  Nan  has  squealed. 
Now,  for  heaven's  sake,  everj^one  sit  tight  and  the 
companies  will  be  more  than  willing  to  make  terms 
with  us.    I'll  do  all  the  talking. 

Wilson.  Well,  what  do  you  think  you  have  been 
doing?  (Phil  goes  up  to  window  l.  Verdi  to  win- 
dow R.j 

Lazarre.  (Crosses  toward  Wilson^  Now,  an- 
other thing!  We've  got  to  get  to  Nan — and  get  to 
her  quick !   They'll  resort  to  anything  to  break  hef 

down.     But  if  she'll  hold  out (The  door  l. 

opens  and  Ruth  enters.) 

Phil.  (Seeing  Ruth  approaching  through  door 
L.j  Sssh! — Here's  Nan!  (All  excepting  Wilson 
rise.   Tom  moves  up  c.) 

(Ruth  looks  pale,  worn  and  uneasy.  She  is  fol- 
lowed on  by  Two  Plain-Clothes  Men,  who 
take  positions  one  at  each  side  of  door.  As  she 
passes  Tom  he  tries  to  catch  her  eye,  but  she 
lets  hers  drop  to  the  floor.  He  slowly  shakes  his 
head  and  crosses  r.  She  stops  at  upstage  corner 
of  desk  L.  Holmes  enters  with  an  air  of  impor- 
tance. He  carries  a  large  legal-looking  docu- 
ment in  his  hand,  open,  glancing  at  it  as  he  en- 
ters.  Verdi  crosses  to  arm  of  settee  and  sits.) 

Holmes.  Now  will  you  identify  them?  (Ruth 
nods  affirmatively.)  I'll  call  them  off  in  the  order 
in  which  they  are  named  in  this  confession. 

All.   What? 

Holmes.  (Reading  from  confession)  Ira  La- 
zarre! 

Ruth.  (Indicates  each  one  by  pointing  as  name 
is  called)  Ira  Lazarre!  (Tom  crosses  up  to  ex- 
treme r.,  near  cabinet.) 


102  CHEATING  CHEATERS  activ 

Lazarre.  (Crossing  toward  Ruth  J  It's  a  lie! 
I'm  innocent.    I  tell  you  I'm  innocent ! 

Holmes.  (To  Men  at  door)  Take  him  away. 
(Man  comes  forward  and  grabs  Ira  and  throws 
him  to  the  other  Man.j 

Lazarre.  Not  a  word — don't  say  a  word — re- 
member, they'll  use  it  against  you!  (Man  at  door 
is  struggling  with  Ira  and  hustles  him  out  as  he 
says  the  last  word  of  speech.) 

Holmes.   Mrs.  Nellie  Brockton! 

Ruth.   Nellie ! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  (Crossing  in  front  of  desk  to 
her)  After  all  we  did  for  you!  Taking  you  into 
our  home  and  making  you  feel  like  one  of  us !  You 
repay  us  by  turning  squealer !  You're  a — well,  that's 
what  you  are !    (Exits  u) 

Holmes.    George  Brockton! 

Ruth.  George  Brockton ! 

Brockton.  (Buttons  his  coat,  takes  hat  from 
desk  and  is  very  dignified  in  manner;  crosses  to 
Ruth,  stops  and  says  very  quietly)  You're  not  fit 
to  associate  with  honest  crooks.    (Exits  L.J 

Holmes.  Mrs.  Palmer  and  Grace  Palmer !  (Ruth 
indicates  them.) 

Mrs.  Palmer.  Come  on,  Grace.  (Starts  for  exit. 
As  she  passes  Ruthj  You  shameful  little  hussy! 
(Exits  L.j 

Grace.  (As  she  passes  Ruth^  You  dirty  little 
cat!    (Exits  l.) 

Holmes.   Ed  Palmer ! 

Ruth.  Ed  Palmer!  (Palmer  draws  himself  up, 
gives  Ruth  a  look  of  scorn,  and  exits  i..) 

Holm^.    Antonio  Verdi! 

Ruth.   Tony ! 

Verdi.  (Has  been  scared  to  death  ever  since  the 
identifications  started,  tries  to  get  to  his  feet.  He  is 
trembling  all  over  with  anger  and  fear,  a7id  as  he 
rises  his  legs  tremble  so  he  can  hardly  stand.   He 


ACT  IV  CHEATING  CHEATERS  103 

raises  trembling  hands  to  arrange  his  necktie.  Beads 
of  perspiration  stand  out  on  his  forehead.  He  tries 
to  pull  himself  together  and  put  on  a  bold  front; 
crosses  behind  desk.  As  he  reaches  chair  at  c.  he 
almost  collapses,  but  grabbing  the  back  of  the  chair, 
he  steadies  himself,  then  crosses  to  Ruth,  straight- 
ens up,  looks  as  if  he  were  going  to  explode;  shakes 
his  finger  at  her)    Tra — va — Triche — Bah!    (Exits 

L.) 

Holmes.  Phil  Preston !  (Before  she  has  a  chance 
to  identify  him,  Phil  rushes  out  l.  Plain-Clothes 
Man  crosses  to  back  of  desk  c.)   Steve  Wilson! 

Ruth.    Steve! 

Wilson.  (Rises,  in  a  very  penitent  and  humble 
manner,  starts  toward  her,  crossing  below  desk. 
Tom,  sensing  his  purpose,  starts  slowly  down  to 
desk  c.)    Nan,  don't  be  hard  on  a  guy.  Why,  we've 

been  pals  for  five  months.   Why  did  you (As 

he  gets  near  her  he  makes  a  leap,  trying  to  get  her 
by  the  throat.  PIolmes  gets  between  them,  just  in 
time,  grabbing  him  and  holding  back -with  his  r.  arm. 
Holmes  is  facing  Wilson,  his  back  to  Nan,  who 
has  dropped  below  desk  l.  Wilson  is  struggling 
to  get  to  her)  By  God!  I'd  swing  to  get  you! 
(Holmes  throws  him  around  upstage  and  the  Two 
Plain-Clothes  Men  grab  him  and  start  for  exit, 
Wilson  struggling)  Hey,  cut  that  rough  stuff! 
What's  the  matter  with  you?    Now,  cut  it  out,  I 

tell  you Let  me  get  my  collar  and  necktie  on ! 

(They  hustle  him  out.) 

Holmes.    (Reading)    Tom  Palmer! 

Ruth.  (Looking  at  Tom  with  a  sigh)  I'd  like 
to  speak  to  Tom  Palmer. 

Tom.  (Crossing  to  Holmesj  I  want  to  see  Fer- 
ris. 

Holmes.  (Looking  him  over)  You  do,  eh  ?  Well, 
you  stay  here.    (Starts  to  exit.) 


I04  CHEATING  CHEATERS  activ 

Tom.  (Looking  at  Ruthj  I  would  rather  wait 
somewhere  else. 

Holmes.  (Turning  to  him,  gruffly)  You  stay 
here.  (Exits  l.  Tom  crosses  down  l.c.  to  Ruth. 
She  turns  and  their  eyes  meet.  She  slowly  lets  hers 
fall  to  the  floor.) 

Tom.  Ruth,  how  could  you?  I  wouldn't  have 
cared  if  it  had  been  anyone  but  you !  God,  I'm  dis- 
appointed!   (Shaking  his  head.) 

Ruth.  (Raising  her  head  and  looking  at  him) 
Tom,  why  did  you  ask  to  see  Ferris  ? 

Tom.  Because  I  thought  I  might  be  able  to  make 
a  deal  with  him  that  would  help  the  others,  I 
thought  if  he  was  on  that  boat  he  might  feel  kindly 
toward  me.   I  want  to  see  him,  talk  to  him,  and  tell 

him  if  he  would  let  up  a  bit (Sits  r.  of  desk) 

— on  the  others,  I'd  take  the  plea,  and  they  could 
hand  me  the  limit.  (Ruth,  deeply  affected,  comes 
to  his  side,  puts  out  her  hand,  touches  his  head, 
then  draws  it  hack.)  You  see,  I'd  made  up  my  mind 
yesterday  if  it  ever  came  to  a  showdown,  I'd  do 
everything  I  could  to  make  it  easy  for  them — and 
you. 

Ruth.  I  had  made  up  my  mind,  too,  that  I  was 
going  to  do  everything  I  could  to  make  it  easy  for 
them — and  you. 

Tom.  (Rising  and  turning  to  her)  You  mean 
that  you  sacrificed  yourself  for  us? 

Ruth.   Don't  you  see  it  even  now? 

Tom.    See  what? 

Ruth.  Everything  that  has  happened  since  the 
first  day  I  met  you?  The  series  of  events  leading 
up  to  the  arrest?  That  the  raid  should  have  taken 
place  just  after  I  had  relieved  you  all  of  your  guns? 

Tom.  (Mentally  noting  every  statement  she 
makes)  It  means  that  you've  been  working  for 
Ferris  all  the  time? 


ACT  IV  CHEATING  CHEATERS  105 

Ruth.  No,  it  means  that  I'm  in  business  for 
myself. 

Tom.    (Startled)    Yourself?   Then  you're 

Ruth.    Ferris, 

Tom.  (Bitterly)  Oi  couxst — of  course.  By  Jove! 
it  all  comes  back  to  me  now.  Everything  you  did! 
All  you  said  was  merely  to  ensnare  me  and  to  trap 
the  others.  I  suppose  we'll  all  soon  be  looking  out 
from  behind  the  bars  and  find  you  laughing  at  us 
down  the  corridor.  It  will  bring  a  lot  of  glory  to 
you,  getting  us  twenty  years  apiece,  so  it  makes  no 
difference  what  we  think  of  you.  But  I  wzint  to 
say  this :  You've  stooped  pretty  low,  lower  than  any 
of  us  would  have  done,  and  even  a  crook  can  feel 
contempt  for (Crosses  to  frmit  of  desk  c.) 

Ruth.    (Pleadingly)    Tom 

Tom.  (Crossing  to  r.  of  desk  c.)  Yes,  it  was 
contemptible  for  you  to  do  it.  (Turns  and  looks  at 
her)    Gee!  I'd  have  gone  through  for  you. 

Ruth.    Yes,  and  I'm  going  through  for  you! 

Tom.   What  do  you  mean? 

Ruth.  (Indicating  chair  r.  of  desk  c.)  Sit  down, 
please.  (Tom  drops  in  chair.)  Listen,  Tom:  I 
started  out  on  this  case  with  every  intention  of 
going  through.  I  didn't  seek  the  job.  The  job 
sought  me.  (Goes  around  to  back  of  desk  c. ;  takes 
off  hat;  sits)  I  was  a  reporter,  getting  thirty  dol- 
lars a  week.  My  work  on  a  couple  of  criminal 
cases  attracted  the  attention  of  one  of  the  burglary 
insurance  companies.  They  offered  me  a  position 
in  their  investigating  department  at  seventy-five 
dollars  a  week.  Well,  I  made  good.  I  made  so  good 
that  I  decided  to  go  into  business  for  myself.  I 
organized  the  different  burglary  companies  into  a 
mutual  protective  association  and  got  their  business. 
Getting  the  small-fry  burglars  was  easy  enough, 
and  I  decided  to  go  after  the  high-class  mobs.  You 
wonder  how   I  got  on  the  inside?    Through  Ira 


io6  CHEATING  CHEATERS  activ 

Lazarre!  Then  I  stumbled  across  you — so  I  de- 
cided to  kill  two  birds  with  a  single  stone.  Oh,  I 
know  what  you're  thinking — and  you're  right.  I 
took  advantage  of  the  love  you  offered  me,  and 
what  happened?  I  owe  my  life  to  you.  But  even 
more  than  that — something  inside  of  me  changed. 
I  began  to  look  at  things  from  a  new  angle — the 
human  angle.  Do  you  imagine  after  what  I  saw 
you  do  aboard  that  boat  that  I  could  be  the  one 
to  destroy  you?  Do  you  think,  in  staying  on  the 
job,  I  was  moved  by  loyalty  to  my  clients  or  the 
District  Attorney?  The  way  I  felt  toward  you, 
Tom,  I  could  have  thrown  them  over  like  that — 
Well,  if  I  could  have  abandoned  the  job  without 
hurting  everyone  concerned,  I'd  have  done  so  long 
ago.  But  I  knew  that,  if  I  quit,  somebody  else 
would  take  my  place,  and  perhaps  make  it  harder 
for  you.  You  see,  once  I  got  this  thing  started,  I 
ceased  to  be  a  free  agent.  And  I  continued — well, 
because  you'd  grown  into  my  life.  I  wanted  to  pro- 
tect you — I  wanted  to  be  near  you.  I  thought  of 
the  future — of  your  future — of  our  future — I  saw 
the  better  side  of  you — and  I  wanted  to  help  you 
find  yourself. 

Tom.  Then,  in  Heaven's  name,  why  didn't  you 
tell  me  this  before? 

Ruth.  (Looking  up  into  his  eyes)  Because  I 
wanted  you  to  come  to  me — frankly,  openly  and 
aboveboard. 

Holmes.    (Enters  L.J    Oh,  Chief 

Ruth.    (Turning  to  him)    Yes? 

Holmes.  (With  a  wise  smile)  The  rest  of  the 
gang  want  to  see  Ferris. 

Ruth.  All  right — show  them  in !  (Rises.  Holmes 
exits.) 

Tom.  (Rises;  crosses  to  front  of  desk)  Well, 
Ruth,  I'm  licked !  What  are  you  going  to  do  with 
me? 


ACTiv  CHEATING  CHEATERS  107 

Ruth.  (Crosses  to  front  of  desk  l.,  turning  to 
him)  Tom,  I'm  going  to  see  that  you  live  up'  to 
my  expectations  of  you. 

Tom.  (Taking  step  toward  her)  You  mean 
you're  going  to  give  me  a  chance  to  go  straight  ? 

Ruth.  I  mean,  I'm  not  going  to  give  you  a 
chance  to  do  anything  else.  You  see,  I  need  you 
now. 

Tom.  You  mean,  I've  still  got  a  chance  of  winning 
you? 

Ruth.  (Going  to  him)  Tom,  some  women  can 
only  love  once.  I'm  one  of  that  kind.  (Tom  takes 
Ruth  in  his  arms.) 

Holmes.  (Enters  l.)  Come  in  here,  the  lot  of 
you! 

(Lazarre  enters  first,  coming  down  L.C.  to  lower 
end  of  desk  l.  Brockton  next,  coming  down 
R.  of  Lazarre.  Wilson  next,  to  chair  down 
extreme  r.  Verdi  next,  to  down-stage  end  of 
settee.  Mrs.  Brockton  in  front  of  settee  at 
upstage  end.  Palmer,  Mrs.  Palmer  and 
Grace  in  front  of  the  three  chairs  along  hack 
wall.   Phil  comes  down  back  of  desk  l.) 

Lazarre.   I  want  to  see  Ferris. 

Brockton.    Yes,  where  is  Ferris? 

Ruth.  (Turnijig  and  taking  a  step  toward  them) 
Boys,  it  seems  to  me  for  a  long  time  you've  wanted 
to  see  Ferris. 

Tom.  (Coming  to  Ruthj  Boys,  let  me  intro- 
duce the  head  of  the  National  Detective  Agency — 
Miss  Ruth  Ferris. 

All.  (Very  much  startled,  incredulously)  What? 

Mrs.  Brockton.  My  Gawd ! 

Brockton.  (Looking  at  Ruth  J  I  don't  believe 
it! 

Holmes.    (Coming  to  upper  l.  hand  corner  of 


io8  CHEATING  CHEATERS  activ 

desk,  c.)  She's  giving  it  to  you  straight  now.  She's 
Ferris.    (Pointing  to  Ruth.j 

Brockton.  (Turning  to  Lazarrej  Well,  if  she's 
Ferris,  how  did  you  have  her  acquitted  of  shop- 
lifting? 

Lazarre.    I  was  her  lawyer. 

Ruth.  (Leaning  against  desk,  c.)  Now,  Ira, 
don't  pat  yourself  on  the  back  for  having  me  ac- 
quitted. You  see,  it  was  all  a  frame-up  to  land 
you.  I  had  myself  arrested  just  for  the  pleasure 
of  engaging  you  as  my  lawyer. 

Lazar,re.   Oh ! 

Ruth.  It  was  all  fixed  for  the  District  Attorney 
to  let  you  have  me  acquitted,  because  then  you'd 
think  me  a  clever  enough  crook  to  use  me — and 
you  did !  Well,  you  put  me  right  on  the  inside  of 
the  Stuyvesant  job,  and  while  waiting  to  land  you 
I  ran  across  the  Palmers.  That's  all  there  is  to  it. 
(Laughing)  Oh,  Ira,  I  must  say  you  did  play  it 
pretty  safe! 

Lazarre.    Yes,  it  looks  it. 

Brockton.  (Looking  at  Lazarre  in  disgust) 
You're  a  fine  lawyer,  you  are. 

Wilson.  (Down  r.,  shaking  his  head)  I  told  you 
she  was  too  damned  clever  for  us! 

Lazarre.  (Stepping  forward)  Well,  if  you're 
Ferris,  I've  a  proposition  to  make. 

Ruth.  I  think  I  know  your  proposition,  Ira. 
Sit  down,  everybody.  (All  sit.  Brockton  above 
desk  L.,  Lazarre  below,  Tom  at  r.  of  desk  c. 
Others  in  positions  they  took  on  entrance.  Ruth 
back  of  desk  c.)  Now,  boys,  you  want  to  make 
restitution  of  the  stolen  property  in  exchange  for 
a  light  sentence?  (All  voice  assent.)  Well,  I  ac- 
cept your  proposition.    And  I'm  going  to  do  more 

for  you  than  that (Pointing  to  Tom  J  You  can 

thank  him  for  it.   I'm  going  to  put  you  all  to  work  I 


ACT  IV  CHEATING  CHEATERS  109 

All.  (Disappointed)  Work?  (Sighing)  It's 
come  at  last! 

Wilson.  (Rising,  to  Holmesj  Call  the  wagon. 
Chief,  and  take  me  away.   (Drops  into  chair  again.) 

Ruth.  Boys,  for  a  long  time  you've  been  prey- 
ing on  society.  Now  I'm  going  to  give  you  a 
chance  to  come  in  here  and  protect  society.  But  I 
want  to  tell  you  this:  The  first  time  you  hear  of 
a  job  that's  being  pulled  off  and  fail  to  report  it, 
or  double-cross  me  on  any  case  you're  working  on, 
it  means  twenty  years! 

Verdi.  (As  All  gasp  and  shift  positions)  Acd- 
dantie ! 

Ruth.   Now  it's  up  to  you! 

Mrs.  Brockton.  Why,  she's  going  to  turn  us 
all  into  detectives. 

Brockton.  (With  a  smile)  W'ell,  we've  had  a 
good  education  for  the  job! 

Ruth.  Bill,  distribute  the  writing  materials.  (To 
Plain-Clothes  Man  r.  Holmes  and  Man  take 
pads  and  pencils  from,  drawer  of  desk  c.  and  dis- 
tribute to  all  but  ToM.J  Now  go  ahead  and  write 
your  confessions. 

Lazarre.  (Rises)  What  do  you  intend  to  do 
with  these  confessions?    (Sits.) 

Ruth.  Nothing — eis  long  as  you  remain  on  the 
square  with  me. 

Holmes.  (Up  u)  Oh,  Chief,  I  forgot  to  men- 
tion it — there's  a  man  from  the  Carnegie  Hero 
Medal  Foundation  waiting  outside.  He  wants  to 
see  you. 

Ruth.  I'll  see  him  in  a  minute.  (Holmes  starts 
to  go.  Ruth  stops  him)  Oh,  by  the  way,  Holmes, 
you  might  send  an  item  to  the  newspapers  that  the 
hero  of  the  Termania  disaster  has  acquired  an  in- 
terest in  our  agency.  (Starts  of  surprise  from 
Everyone.  Ruth  turns  to  Tom)  Isn't  that  so, 
Tom? 


no  CHEATING  CHEATERS  activ 

Tom.  (Reaching  across  desk  and  taking  her 
hand)  If  you  say  so,  Ruth.  (Holmes,  with  a  dazed 
expression,  shakes  his  head  and  exits  l.  The 
Others  sit,  dazed,  as  if  not  knowing  what  to  do. 
When  all  is  quiet:) 

Ruth.  (After  a  long  pause,  during  zuhich  she 
talks  to  Tom,  looks  around  and  sees  they  are  not 
writing)    Come,  come!    Busy,  everybody,  with  the 

confessions (They  All   look   resentfully    at 

her)  Remember,  it's  twenty  years,  or  report  at  this 
agency  for  work  every  morning.    Which  is  it? 

Wilson.  (Scraching  his  head,  looks  puzzled, 
turns  to  Verdi j  Tony,  how  many  d's  in  murder? 
(After  laugh  starts,  All  start  to  write.) 

CURTAIN 


PROPERTY  PLOT 

ACT  I 

Carpet. 

Baby  grand  piano — ^bench  and  drape. 

Large  settee. 

Three  1 8-inch  stands. 

One  24-inch  stand. 

Four  straight-backed  chairs. 

One  large  armchair. 

Large  round  table  with  drawer. 

Twelve  books. 

Pair  book  ends. 

JPack  of  playing-cards. 

Two  match  safes  with  ash  trays. 

Large  bronze  cigarette  box  (filled). 

"Police  Gazette." 

Telephone  book. 

Four  sofa  pillows. 

Twelve  plants  and  palms  in  bloom. 

Silver  hand  mirror. 

Large  black  wallet  for  jewels. 

Stuyvesant  collection  of  jewels,  assorted. 

Mesh  bag. 

Side  Properties 

Door  slam,  l.2. 

Tea  cart,  l.2. 

On  the  tea  cart:    White  cloth,  silver  teapot, 
sugar  bowl,  cream  pitcher,  seven  afternoon  tea- 
III 


112  PROPERTY  PLOT 

cups  and  saucers,  seven  teaspoons,  plate  of 
sliced  lemon,  plate  of  small  cakes,  plate  of 
dainty  sandwiches,  silver  call  bell. 

Tray  with  five  filled  whiskey  glasses,  L.2. 
Silver  card  salver,  L.2. 

Hand  Properties 

Cigar,  revolver,  telegram — ^Wilson. 
Pipe,  tobacco,  book,  skeleton  keys — Brockton. 
Large  bouquet  garden  flowers,  telegram — Ruth. 
Dictagraph,  wallet,  stage  money — Lazarre. 

ACT  II 

Carpet. 

Curtains   and   drapes    for   windows. 

Baby  grand  piano  and  drape. 

Piano  bench. 

Large  settee. 

Library  table. 

Two  large  armchairs. 

One  large  rocker. 

One  tapestry-covered  window-seat. 

Small  settee  for  front  of  table  without  back. 

Three  pedestals. 

One  24-inch  table. 

Two  straight-backed  chairs. 

Dark  mantelpiece. 

Two  large  bronze  figures. 

One  pair  antique  earthen  vases. 

One  pair  antique  bronze  vases. 

Floral  box  to  fit  fireplace. 

Large  antique  bronze  bowl  for  flowers  on  piano. 

Flowers  for  all  vases. 

Drape  for  table. 

Practical  safe  to  stand  back  of  panel  in  back  wall. 


PROPERTY  PLOT  113 

Documents  to  dress  safe. 

Four  red  Morocco  jewel  cases. 

Assorted  collection  of  jewels. 

Pearl  and  diamond  collarette. 

Writing-set  for  table. 

Water  carafe  and  two  glasses  on  tray. 

Fancy  cigarette  box  (large),  (filled). 

Set  of  nice  books  and  book  ends. 

Two  black  rubber  penholders. 

One  set  blue  prints,  plans  of  the  house. 

Large  antique  bronze  clock  for  mantel. 

Practical  piano  off  r.2E. 

Hand  Properties 

Small  jewel  case  with  two  pieces  of  jewelry  (Ruth). 
Mesh  bag  used  in  Act  I.   Revolver  (Wilson). 
Silver  card  salver  and  card  (Phil). 

ACT  III 

Hand  Properties 

Burglar  kit  for  Mrs.  Brockton. 

Keys  in  doors  r.  and  l.  down  stage. 

Revolvers  for  Tom,  Phil,  Wilson,  Verdi,  Brock- 
ton, Lazarre,  Holmes  and  seven  extra  men. 
They  must  be  modern  automatics. 

Long  muffler  for  Phil,  to  use  as  gag. 

Black  traveling  bag  with  all  the  Palmer  jewels  in 
red  morocco  cases  that  were  used  in  Act  II  in 
it,  and  skeleton  keys  from  Act  I  for  Ruth. 

Stuyvesant  jewels  in  lamp,  same  as  in  Act  I. 

Chime  for  clock  strike  r.ie. 

Wood  crashes  r.  and  l.  side  of  stage,  also  soap 
boxes  and  axes. 


114  PROPERTY  LOT 

Glass  crashes  at  windows  c.  and  r.  and  l.  sides  of 

stage. 
Soap  box  and  chisel  at  window  c.  for  Phil. 
Two  small  pieces  of  thin  wood  to  break  at  window 

c. 

ACT  IV 

r 

Two  large  flat-top  desks  with  drawers. 

Six  hardwood  arm  office  chairs. 

Two  straight-back  hardwood  chairs. 

Large  hardwood  office  settee  wtih  arms. 

Six  writing  pads  and  six  sharpened  pencils  in  top 

drawer  of  each  desk. 
Two  writing  pads  for  desks. 
Documents,  etc.,  to  dress. 
Two  manuscript  baskets. 
Two  wastepaper  baskets. 
Large  rug  for  floor. 
Practical  shades  on  windows. 

Hand  Properties 

Legal  document  for  Holmes. 


ELECTRICAL  PLOT 

ACT  I 

Four  practical  brackets  on  walls. 

Large  antique  lamp  with  trap  door  in  bowl  and 

vault  inside  large  enough  to  hold  jewel  wallet. 
Practical  doorbell,  L.2. 
Four  two-light  amber  strips  over  doors. 
Telephone. 
Two  lOOO-Watt  bunches. 

During  action  of  play,  use  amber,  white  and 

blue  in  your  foots  and  borders. 

It  is  late  in  the  afternoon — amber  and  white 

foots  and  border  on  at  rise. 

No  change  of  lights  during  act. 

ACT  II 

Amber  foots  and  concert  border  two-thirds  on. 

Last  border  blue. 

Two  I  GOO- watt  bunches  at  window  r.c.  (blue). 

One  lOOO-watt  bunch  at  window  left  (blue). 

Practical  piano  lamp. 

Practical  small  lamp  on  table  l.c. 

Practical  table  lamp  on  table  up  l.  (large). 

Two  light  amber  strips  over  doors. 

Large  practical  alarm  gong  to  ring  off  l. 

ACT  III 

Antique  lamp  used  in  Act  I  (practical). 
Blue,  amber  and  white  in  concert  and  last  border. 
Blues  on  at  rise.    White  and  amber  in  foots  and 
concert  work  on  cues. 
115 


ii6  ELECTRIC  PLOT 

Two  looo-watt  bunches  (blue)  at  window,  back. 
Baby  spot  r.ie.  To  work  on  table  r.  at  cues.    (Am- 
ber.) 
Baby  spot  l.2E.  in  hallway.    (Amber.) 
Baby  spot  r.2E.   To  cover  antique  lamp.   At  cues. 
Pocket  flash  lamps  for  Tom,  Verdi  and  Phil. 

ACT  IV 

Amber  and  white  foots  and  borders. 

Two  light  amber  strips  over  doors  r.ie.  and  l.2E. 

Three    lOOO-watt  bunches   hung   over   awnings   at 

window — amber. 
Three    lOOO-watt    buches    flat   on    floor,    throwing 

against  drop  (blue). 
Four  brackets  on  walls  of  set  (not  practical). 
Practical  telephone  on  desk,  center,  with  push  but- 
ton to  ring  off  Left. 
Foots  and  borders  one-third  on  at  rise,  up  to  full 

as  shades  are  drawn.   All  other  lights  full  on 

at  rise. 
Stands  for  the  Act. 


"CHEATING  CHEATERS" 

PUBLICITY  THROUGH  YOUR  LOCAL 
PAPERS 

The  press  can  be  an  immense  help  in  giving  pub- 
licity to  your  productions.  In  this  belief  we  sub- 
mit a  number  of  suggested  press  notes  which  may 
be  used  either  as  they  stand  or  changed  to  suit  your 
own  ideas  and  submitted  to  the  local  press. 

In  all  classes  of  plays  produced  on  the  stage 
there  are  certain  ones  that  stand  out  preeminent  as 
the  years  go  on.  At  the  head  of  the  class  known  as 
"mystery  plays"  stands  "Cheating  Cheaters,"  by 
Max  Marcin,  With  a  strong  and  logical  melodra- 
matic basis,  this  play  fairly  teems  with  suspense, 
thrills  and  hearty  laughter — and  most  important  of 
all — a  charming  love  story.  The  characters  are 
varied  and  interesting  and  the  settings  aristocratic 

This  play  added  greatly  to  the  artistic  reputations 
of  the  all-star  cast  which  played  it  in  New  York 
and  throughout  the  country. 

It  has  been  held  in  manuscript  for  a  long  time, 
but  Samuel  French  finally  secured  the  author's  con- 
sent to  publish  his  famous  play  for  the  convenience 
of  the  amateurs  of  America. 

The  ^ —  Players  will  present  "Cheating 

Cheaters"   at  Theatre   on  

evening.    This  will  be  its  first  production  in  this 
city  by  local  talent  and  theatregoers  can  look  for- 
ward to  an  evening  of  unbounded  pleasure. 
117 


ii8  PRESS  MATTER 

Max  Marcin,  the  author  of  "Cheating  Cheaters,** 
is  a  master  in  the  field  of  mystery  drama.  "The 
House  of  Years,"  "The  Eyes  of  Youth,"  "The 
Woman  In  Room  13,"  "Three  Live  Ghosts,"  and 
"Silence"  are  all  notable  examples  from  his  pro- 
lific pen — but  "Cheating  Cheaters"  is  his  master- 
piece. 

Here  is  a  play  that  defies  solution  until  the  very 
last  moment  and  yet  it  is  done  in  a  most  logical 
and  intriguing  manner. 

Thrill  is  piled  upon  thrill  and  laugh  upon  laugh — 
and  there  are  moving  interludes  during  which  a 
beautiful  and  romantic  love  story  is  unfolded. 

To  employ  these  ingredients  in  their  proper  and 
artistic  proportion  requires  a  master-mind  and 
hand,  and  Mr.  Marcin  has  abundantly  proven  that 
he  possesses  both  in  a  high  degree. 

You  will  find  it  immensely  worth  your  while  to 

see  "Cheating  Cheaters"  when  the  

Players  present  this  thrilling  and  laughable  comedy- 
drama  at Theatre  on  eve- 
ning. 

SYNOPSIS 

The  action  takes  place  in  two  country  homes 
about  five  miles  apart  which  have  been  specially 
rented  by  two  gangs  of  crooks  for  the  successful 
prosecution  of  the  scheme  of  robbery  designed 
against  the  other.  Here  is  a  touch  of  novelty  when 
the  two  gangs  recognize  each  other's  true  profes- 
sion and  proceed  to  pool  their  assets  and  form  a 
joint  thieves'  corporation. 

Throughout  the  proceedings  we  get  fugitive  evi- 
dence of  a  universally  feared  detective,  a  mysteri- 
ous individual  who  is  reserved  for  one  of  the  sur- 
prises of  the  play.  Between  Nan  and  Tom  a  mu- 
tual  admiration  has   developed,   neither  knowing 


PRESS  MATTER  119 

the  other's  antecedents  or  history.  Nan  saw  Tom 
aboard  the  mined  ship,  risking  his  Hfe  to  save 
others,  and  Tom  has  discovered  an  irresistible 
charm  in  Nan ;  but  while  it  is  love  at  sight,  she  does 
not  surrender  immediately. 

In  due  time  both  gangs  are  trapped  by  Nan,  who 
turns  out  to  be  the  mysterious  detective.  But  her 
love  for  Tom  starts  him  off  on  the  road  to  better 
things. 


"Cheating  Cheaters,"  the  crook  play  in  four  sur- 
prise packets,  is  the  play  of  all  plays  this  season 
that  makes  us  want  to  inquire  just  what  elements 
a  crook  play  must  possess  in  order  to  be  successful. 
Mr.  Marcin,  who  wrote  the  play,  has  taken  good 
old-fashioned  melodrama  for  his  main  ingredient, 
has  added  thrill  and  heart  interest,  and  gives  us  a 
finished  offering,  a  crook  play  modelled  on  the  1932 
model.  We  have  had  countless  crooks  of  the  black- 
est, most  desperate  calibre.  We  have  thrilled  before 
to  the  doings  of  the  clever  outlaw  who  would  rather 
steal  than  be  honest,  because  it  is  more  worth  while 
to  take  the  risk,  but  never  in  our  lives  have  we  met 
desperate  crooks,  even  murderous  crooks,  who  have 
been  made  fools  of  by  any  but  the  legitimate  police 
force.  In  "Cheating  Cheaters"  we  match  crooks 
against  crooks.  Both  are  ignorant  of  the  final  out- 
come and  the  audience  in  the  meantime  is  held 
spellbound  by  one  of  the  nicest  stage  devices  em- 
ployed in  some  time. 


All  plays  of  this  kind  must  have  a  certain  simi- 
larity. There  must  always  be  clever  scoundrels  who 
thrill  with  their  nonchalance  and  easy  acceptance 
of  the  desperate  roles  they  are  playing;  there  are 
always  stolen  jewels,  and  as  a  general  rule  there  is 
some  extreme  member  of  the  Police  Department  on 
the  track  of  the  missing  valuables.    And,  knowing 


120  PRESS  MATTER 

this,  we  know  in  a  measure  what  to  expect  and  we 
like  every  bit  of  it,  from  the  playing  searchlights  to 
the  moment  of  the  discovery,  when  we  hold  our 
breath  and  say  involuntarily,  "I  wish  they  could 
have  gotten  away  with  it." 

"Cheating  Cheaters"  is  different,  because  it  com- 
bines farce  successfully  with  melodrama.  Never 
have  we  thrilled  one  moment  and  laughed  so  the 
next.  Never  have  we  allowed  our  imagination  such 
full  play,  only  to  bring  them  up  with  a  sudden  bang 
against  the  reality  of  laughable  situations.  If  Mr. 
Marcin  had  made  his  new  crook  play  entirely  seri- 
ous, as  was  "Kick  In,"  or  some  of  the  successful 
crook  plays  of  the  past,  he  would  have  missed  the 
point  entirely,  but  the  novelty  of  his  newest  inven- 
tion to  obtain  interest  as  well  as  create  atmosphere 
has  entirely  appealed  to  this  season's  theatregoers, 
and  we  have  one  of  the  greatest  successes  of  the 
season  in  this  play  of  crook  propensities,  crook 
characters  and  crook  life. 


University  of  Caiifomia 

SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 

405  Hilgard  Avenue.  Los  Angeles,  CA  90024-1388 

Return  this  material  to  the  library 

from  which  it  was  borrowed. 


REC'D  CI.  JUN  1  3  'OJ 


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ARE  YOU  A  MASON? 


Tarce  in  3   acts.    By  Leo  Ditrichstein.     7  males,  7  fe- 
males.   Modem  costumes.    Plays  2*4  hours.    1  interior. 

"Are  You  a  Mason  t"  is  one  of  thoee  delightful  fareaa  Iik« 
* 'Charley's  Aunt"  that  are  always  fresh.  "A  mother  and  s 
daughter,"  says  the  critic  of  the  New  York  Herald,  "had  hus- 
bands  who  account  for  absences  from  the  joint  household  oo 
frequent  evenings,  falsely  pretending  to  bo  Masons.  The  mea 
do  not  know  each  other's  duplicity,  and  each  tells  his  wife  ot 
having  advanced  to  leadership  in  his  lodge.  The  older  woman  , 
was  BO  well  pleased  with  her  husband's  supposed  distinction  in 
the  order  that  she  made  him  promise  to  put  up  the  name  of  a 
visiting  friend  for  membership.  Further  perplexity  over  th« 
principal  liar  arose  when  a  suitor  for  his  second  daughter's  hand 
proved  to  be  a  real  Mason.  ...  To  tell  the  story  of  the  play 
■would  require  volumes,  its  complications  are  so  numerous.  It  is 
a  house  of  cards.  One  card  wrongly  placed  and  the  whole  thing 
would  collapse.  But  it  stands,  an  example  of  remarkable  in- 
genuity. You  wonder  at  the  end  of  the  first  act  how  the  fun 
can  be  kept  up  on  sui^h  a  slen-der  foundation.  But  it  continues 
Bnd  grows  to  the  last  curtain."  One  of  the  most  hilariously 
emusing  farces  ever  written,  especially  suited  to  schools  and 
llasonio  Lodges.     (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)      Price,  76  Oent», 


KEMPY 

'A  delightful  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  J.  C.  Nugent  and 
Elliott  Nugent.  4  males,  4  females.  1  interior  throughout. 
Costumes,  modern.     Plays  2%  hours. 

No  wonder  "Kempy"  has  been  such  a  tremendous  hit  In  New 
Tork,  Chicago — ^wherever  it  has  played.  It  snaps  with  wit  and 
humor  of  the  most  delightful  kind.  It's  electric.  It's  small- 
town folk  perfectly  pictured.  Full  of  types  of  varied  sorts,  each 
one  done  to  a  turn  and  served  with  zestful  sauce.  An  ideal 
entertainment  for  amusement  purposes.  The  story  is  about  a  high- 
falutin'  daughter  who  in  a  fit  of  pique  marries  the  young  plumber- 
architect,  who  comes  to  fix  the  water  pipes,  just  because  he 
"understands"  her,  having  read  her  book  and  having  sworn  to 
marry  the  authoress.  But  in  that  story  lies  all  the  humor  that 
kept  the  audience  laughing  every  second  of  every  act.  Of  course 
there  are  lots  of  ramifications,  each  of  which  bears  its  own  brand 
of  laughter-making  potentials.  But  the  plot  and  the  story  are 
not  the  main  things.  There  is,  for  instance,  the  work  of  the 
company.  The  fun  growing  out  of  this  family  mixup  is  lively  and 
clean.      (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Cents. 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  Qty 
Our  New  Descriptive  Catalogue  Sent  Free  on  Request 


FRENCH'S 
Standard  Library  Edition 


George   M.    Cohan 
Winchell    Smith 
Booth    Tarkington 
William   Gillette 
Prank   Craven 
Owen    Davis 
Austin    Strong 
A.  A.  Milne 
Harriet  Ford 
Paul  Green 
James  Montgomery 
Arthur    Richman 
Philip  Barry 
Georga   Middleton 
Channing   Pollock 
George   Kaufman 
Martin   Flavin 
Victor  Mapes 
Kate  Douglas  Wiggin 
Rida   Johnson    Young 
Margaret    Mayo 
Rol  Cooper  Megrue 
Jean  Webster 
George    Broadhurst 
George  Hobart 
Frederick  S.    Isham 
Fred    Ballard 
Percy   MacKaye 
Willard   Mack 
Jerome  K.  Jerom* 
R.  C.  Carton 
William  Cary  Duncan 
Sir  Arthur  Conan  Doyle 


Includes  Plays  by 

Augustus   Thomas 
Rachel  Crothers 
W.  W.   Jacobs 
Ernest   Denny 
Kenyon    Nicholson 
Aaron  .Hoffman 
H.  V.  Esmond 
Edgar  Selwyn 
Laurence   Housman 
Israel    Zangwill 
Walter  Hackett 
A.  E.  Thomas 
Edna   Ferber 
John  Henry   Mears 
Mark  Swan 
John    B.   Stapleton 
Frederick    Lonsdal* 
Bryon   Ongley 
Rex   Beach 
Paul  Armstrong 
H.   A.    Du   Souchet 
George   Ade 
J.  Hartley  Manners 
Barry    Conners 
Edith  Ellis 
Harold    Brighouse 
Harvey    J.    O'Higgins 
C]are   Kummer 
James  Forbes 
William   C.    DeMIIla 
Thompson   Buchanan 
C.    Haddon    Chambers 
Richard  Harding  Davis 


George   Kelly 
Louis   N.   Parker 
Anthony   Hope 
Lewis  Beach 
Guy   Bolton 
Edward    E.    Rose 
Marc  Connelly 
Frederick    Paulding 
Lynn   Starling 
Clyde  Fitch 
Earl   Derr   Biggers 
Thomas   Broadhurst 
Charles   Klein 
Bayard    Veiller 
•Grace   L.   Purniss 
Martha    Morton 
Robert   Housum 
Carlisle  Moore 
Salisbury    Field 
Leo   Dietrichstein 
Harry  James  Smith 
Eden    Phillpotts 
Brandon   Tynan 
Clayton   Hamilton 
Edward  Sheldon 
Richard  Ganthony 
Julie  LIppman 
Paul   Dickey 
Frank  Bacon 
Edward  Paulton 
Adelaide   Matthews 
A.   E.  W.  Mason 
Cosmo  Qordon-Lennox 


Catherine   Chlsholm   Cushing     J.   C.  and  Elliott  Nugent 
Edward    Childs    Carpenter  Justin    Huntley  McCarthy 

Madeline  Lucette  Ryley  Josephine  Preston  Peabody 

French's    International    Copyrighted    Edition    contains    plays,    comedies 

and  farces  of  International  reputation;  also  recent  professional  successes 

by    famous    American    and    English    Authors. 


Our  n«w  dcsctiptivs  Catalogue 
gent  free  en  request 

SAMUEL  FRENCH, 

FOUNDED  1845  INCORPORATED  1899] 

Oldest    Play    Publisher    in    the    Worlc| 


UniT 
S 


25    West    45th    Street, 


NEW    vol 


